


Spirit Bound: Dimitri's Point of View

by gigi256



Series: Dimitri's Story: The Vampire Academy Books from Dimitri's Point of View [5]
Category: Vampire Academy & Related Fandoms, Vampire Academy Series - Richelle Mead
Genre: F/M, Strigoi Dimitri - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2018-11-22 17:48:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 65,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11385255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gigi256/pseuds/gigi256
Summary: How do you define yourself? Power. Success. Blood. Death. Obsession. Pain. Loss. Failure. Monster. Darkness. Bitter darkness. However, darkness cannot reside where light exists. Light is beauty. Light is rebirth. Light can restore hope, but only if you let the light in.





	1. Chapter 1

They say money is power. They're wrong, though. Money is only a means to power. Influence is what truly brings power. Money can buy that influence, but so can favors, lies, and fear. That last one was becoming a particular specialty of mine.

"Stephen!" My second-in-command was never too far away, and he came into my study a moment after I called to him. "How's the new deal with Harland?"

He was one of the few people who wasn't afraid to look me in the eye. "Just heard from him about an hour ago. He's sending over the paperwork. He said he wants to take the deal."

I shook my head, letting out a huff. I wasn't surprised that he took the deal, but the fact that it took him so long to make the logical decision was an annoyance. Business partnerships that start out with these little irritations often end up creating friction until eventually the fabric just falls apart. Perhaps others – like Harland – would be fearful of such an outcome, but it wasn't something I would fret over. If our deal went sour it would be  _him_ picking up the pieces, not the other way around.

That's what power got you. It's the ability to do what you need without worry of others getting in your way.

Right now, what I needed was to expand my operation's resources in America. Especially over on the East Coast. Galina had done well to manage several dealings with businesses in Novosibirsk and even some in Krasnoyarsk and Omsk. They brought in money and she was able to exchange favors and support. However, she never really sought to spread beyond Russia.

That wasn't something that I could rest my laurels on, though. I had to do more than just take over what was left of her regime. I had to build it up to be my own. That meant expansion.

Thankfully, expansion was just one step closer to  _her_.

Rose was safe … for now. Behind the Academy walls, there was no way to reach her. At least not physically. So, in the few months I had before her graduation, I did everything I could to prepare. That meant creating new contacts, pressing down on old ones, and maintaining order within the Estate.

I was still seen as almost divine within our community. The story of how I killed Galina and her loyalists, of how I survived a stake to the heart, of how I could hold that same stake in my bare hands – all these were legends of near mythic proportions. We now had Strigoi seeking out our Estate to join the ranks. Galina's business of 'life insurance' had been popular before, but there was a new arrival of people who would pay extra to be turned specifically by me in hopes that they wouldn't have to fear the same threats to their immortality.

Perhaps the biggest thrill was the first time I had a lone dhampir – a guardian who had decided he was done with playing into a system that considered him worthless – came knocking on my office door. It was common for humans to seek the thrill of the supernatural, it was common for Moroi to desire immortality, but it was rare for a trained and promised guardian to shed his oath in favor of the strength and prestige that the Undead offered. That rare quality made Lukas an asset.

Where Stephan was my lieutenant and offered intellectual insight into the logistics of our operation, Lukas had become my enforcer. He was the brute strength that I used to play my hand without ever showing all my cards. I wasn't above getting my hands dirty and would happily work alongside him, but occasionally sending him out as my initial threat proved to me much more effective than appearing in person. I was what would come next if it came to that. And after seeing him, it  _never_ came to that.

That is how I had been able to seal my deal with Harland. He managed several 24-hour diners that dotted the East Coast highways. He had fluttered back and forth through our initial conversations, but it took only a day after Lukas showed up at his flagship diner in Philadelphia before he was agreeing to my terms.

So between that, two tattoo parlors, several bars, and a few nightclubs, I now had my hands in more than a few pockets back in the States. The Estate – no, the Enterprise – was thriving under my control. I was happy to let Rose know as much. It wasn't as if my accomplishment didn't affect her, too. I had purposefully extended my services to one of Montana's run down repair garages along the highway towards the Academy just so I could keep an eye on her.

_My Beautiful Rose,_

_This was all supposed to be ours. The power, the money, the control. We could have had it all, together. Now, I'm well on my way to stretching my organization father than either of us could have imagined, and the only thing missing is you._

_It's a shame, really. I have found some fairly capable people to help me, but none of them are you. Not a single one of them understand me the way you do. None of them can offer me what you could have. Even in those last moments that we fought together, both side-by-side and even against one another … I know you felt it too. We're meant to be, you and I._

_But you threw it all away, didn't you. For what? Servitude? Being the body shield to some ungrateful Moroi? Even your precious Princess Vasilisa wouldn't bat an eye at seeing you die at the hands of someone like me._

_But she'll witness that soon enough, won't she? I haven't forgotten our little deal: I would either awaken you or kill you, and you said you'd rather die than be awakened. The least I could do is keep my end of the bargain._

_You can't hide forever, Rose. I'm watching._

_Love,_

_Dimitri_

I wrote her letters every other week or so. I doubted Rose could forget exactly what was waiting for her just outside the safety of the wards, but I didn't want her to think that I was neglecting her. Nothing would distract me from my pursuit of her. I knew we were far beyond spending eternity together. She had made it clear that she would never be awakened. It was a foolish choice, but she would have to deal with those consequences.

More importantly, if I couldn't have her then nobody could. She was mine and mine alone. If she refused to spend her life with me then she had condemned herself to death, and I wouldn't allow another even  _that_ privileged _._  It had to be my own hands that stole the last breath of life from her lips.

With another letter signed, sealed, and stamped, I handed it off to Stephen. He knew exactly where these letters went to so often. I didn't miss his occasional disapproving looks, but he knew better than to speak against my actions. I allowed his input only so far. He had seen first hand what happened to people who overstepped their bounds, and he was smart enough to avoid meeting the same fate.

Lukas would be back within a day or two. Ever since I had awakened him, he had taken over several duties around the compound including overseeing training and security. I wasn't foolish enough to pass off  _all_ control to those beneath me, however. I had learned from the mistakes of my predecessor. So with him away, I took over checking the security team for the day before dropping by the training gym to see how the new members of our group were coming along.

We prioritize the training of those who showed promise or those who previously had tactical training before being turned. Those who didn't..well, they went through the basics and hopefully they learned quickly. We could only teach so much before they had to sink or swim. We had perfected many aspects of enforcing our business so that we rarely lost the best of our talent, but occasionally we had requests for outside jobs and when prudent (according to the calculations of Stephen and myself) we took those opportunities. It was never wise to send all of our best to die in a potential raid, though. There had to be some acceptable bodies to serve as our casualties so that the majority of our best would come back to fight another day.

This was a very new group; a handful of those who had been awakened within the last couple of weeks. Already it was easy to see who would fight and would be fodder.

I pointed to one in particular who was sharp and showed good potential. He was a former human who might have had some form of fighting training or perhaps even a military background and he was worth preserving in a more advanced group.

The woman leading the training session acknowledged my silent order with a nod before continuing with the lesson. He would be pulled aside later.

A trip to the feeders, overseeing some records with Stephen, and some more menial work. That was my day-to-day now. For the life of me, I couldn't understand how Galina had reveled in the luxury of this life. Perhaps she filled the void of actually doing anything by surrounding herself with the trappings of power rather than the fight for it.

I just felt anxious for more action. I knew that I needed to stay back from the raids at the moment. With my Enterprise so new, I needed to be a presence and security for the others. Dying, or even injury would break the illusion of my godlike status among the others. Something like that could destroy what I had worked for – what I continued to work for.

So, for now, the only battles I fought were with the punching bag. I went through about one a week and it still wasn't enough for my tastes. I thought perhaps if other needs were being met my aggression would diminish, but nothing satisfied my hunger. None of them were her. In my annoyance, I had torn the head of one woman by her hair and offers had severely diminished because of it, but those seeking power and position would risk anything (including death by decapitation) to gain it.

One day though, one day I'd have her. That thought sustained me. There were only a few more weeks that she would be able to hide behind the safety of those wards before she was mine. And Lord knows, I'm not above playing with my food.

* * *

_My Dearest Rose,_

_One of the few downsides to being awakened is that we no longer require sleep; therefore we also no longer dream. It's a shame, because if I could dream, I know I'd dream about you. I'd dream about the way you smell and how your dark hair feels like silk between my fingers. I'd dream about the smoothness of your skin and the fierceness of your lips when we kiss._

_Without dreams, I have to be content with my own imagination- which is almost as good. I can picture all of those things perfectly, as well as how it'll be when I take your life from this world. It's something I regret having to do, but you've made my choice inevitable. Your refusal to join me in eternal life and love leaves no other course of action, and I can't allow someone as dangerous as you to live. Besides, even if I forced your awakening, you now have so many enemies among the Strigoi that one of them would kill you. If you must die, it'll be by my hand. No one else's._

_Nonetheless, I wish you well today as you take your trials-not that you need any luck. If they're actually making you take them, it's a waste of everyone's time. You're the best in that group, and by this evening you'll wear your promise mark. Of course, that means you'll be all that much more of a challenge when we meet again which I'll definitely enjoy._

_And we will be meeting again. With graduation, you'll be turned out of the Academy, and once you're outside the wards, I'll find you. There is no place in this world you can hide from me. I'm watching._

_Love,_

_Dimitri_

Her trials should be this week. I couldn't imagine that they would need to put her through those trials, though, as she had obviously proven herself more than capable. She had beaten Strigoi. She had killed them. And above all, she had survived. My associates were dead because of her, but I was still insanely proud. She was everything I could have ever hoped for in a partner. Smart, intuitive, cunning, strong. I had trained her, but she had made herself better than I ever could have imagined. The only disappointment was that she was so loyal to her oppressors that she had become blind to her true potential.

She was as blind as I had been once. Could I really blame her for the stupidity of youth? Still, no matter how much I had tried to tempt, seduce, and even demand her to listen, she had rejected my wisdom in the matter. She had always been headstrong and from the first day we had met, I wondered if it would get her killed. Now, I knew it would.

But it was time to plan the next steps. I was taking a portion of my Estate with me to a new headquarters in America while leaving Stephan and Lukas to take care of operations here in Russia. There was no shortage of people willing to follow me, and I had hand picked the best of my men to come with me. We would remain far enough from Court to stay undetected, yet close enough to keep track of the comings and goings of those inside. It wouldn't be hard to bribe or threaten a Moroi official to assist us either. We already had a few people on the inside who were members of our insurance policy, and we could easily add this as a clause in their contract.

The graduating class of new guardians always went to Court first to be shown off to the Royals where they would be auctioned off like cattle in a silent bidding war. Of course, Rose was already allotted to her princess, but would most likely still be required to attend with the others.

I wondered how she would feel if she knew that Eric and Rhea didn't just request that Rose stands alongside their daughter as a guardian, they had it written in their will long before their death. She was (quite literally) given to Vasilisa as a gift upon their graduation.

Outside of such circumstances, those who had the highest trial scores would always end up costing the most. The memory of a man trying to outbid Ivan and his parents for my contract – and then immediately bribing them with property and another one of his guardians in addition to some money when he lost the bid – made me laugh. It had disgusted me when I was young (no matter how many times Ivan joked that I should have been "honored" by the man's determination), but now I realized it was a show of how ridiculous the entire process was. Even though I had ended up with my best friend, I still was purchased. Perhaps the biggest insult was that I or my family didn't see a single penny of that exorbitant price. It all went directly to the Guardian Headquarters to be doled out into our salaries. Despite all the grueling work I had put in, it hadn't done any extra good to my family. All I saw in return was a decent position guarding a decent man.

It wouldn't be until after this process and official contracts were signed that I could hope to catch her off guard. Her move to Court would be directly from the Academy airstrip to the Court's airstrip, fully protected. Perhaps Vasilisa would insist on a trip outside of Court, but for the most part, it should provide anything her pretty little heart could desire.

The only real time I knew they would be leaving Court would be for her to attend Leigh in the fall. Her application had gone out before the attack and even if I wasn't absolutely sure that her grades were enough to qualify her for admission, a little bit of money could ease the way for her attendance. It certainly would be needed to get Rose it.

Hopefully, I wouldn't have to wait that long, though.

I had my eyes on Court, on Roza, and I wouldn't lose my chance to take what was mine.

* * *

**Author's Note**

* * *

I'm back! So happy to start this book and see you all again. A very happy birthday to my wonderful beta, Raissa, and a happy Canada Day and Independence Day to those of you in Canada and USA, respectfully.

Don't forget to follow, fave, share, and comment! Let's do this!


	2. Chapter 2

Our American headquarters was located just over an hour outside of the Court gates towards Lehigh University. It wasn't as ostentatious of a setup as the Russian Estate, but there was a certain air to it that was extremely fitting. Very old school Russian Mob.

If only she could see me now. She'd have a field day with it.

We had the stereotypical warehouse; old, broken down, and in a completely abandoned area. Not one of those nice and shiny new industrial park meant for new businesses and technology development but hidden away in the bygone era of the American rail system and its local train yard. There were more vagrants here than honest working men among the graffitied shipping containers and stacks of pallets, but that was to our advantage. Nobody missed the homeless.

Of course, we couldn't just stay in said warehouse. I had picked up a couple of row houses a few blocks from campus where some drunk and stumbling students from the bars and nearest frat parties wouldn't be raise eyebrows too quickly if they happened to miss a class here or there. With some other cities nearby, we were sure to spread out so we didn't make ourselves too noticeable to the local humans, though.

It didn't take long for us to start trading in favors and selling insurance policies in the week or so we established ourselves there. A side job or two for some state and local political figures and a nice new contract for few of them as well, and we were thoroughly into some good business by word of mouth alone. Lukas had done well in setting us up for a strong start here.

I had left Stephan in charge of running the Russian Headquarters for now. He was more than capable, and while I couldn't trust anyone completely, I doubted he would betray me. My two confidants worked for me as a team, like a pair of knives. Stephen could detect the slightest hint of dissent in my operation, and Lukas wasted no time in dispatching them at my order. But as they say, 'let not your left hand know what your right-hand does.' I wasn't above using one to kill the other.

I made my touchdown onto American soil the day Rose received her Promise Mark. It was a celebration for us both; the beginning and the end. Lukas filled me in on all the updates during my several-hour flight while Stephen waited to do the same the moment I called him.

"There has been plenty of movement at Court. We've been able to see some from the outside and our main contact has been relaying some information here and there. He's been dedicated to his job." Lukas handed me a newer phone, but one that I knew had been given several levels of protection. The guardians and Alchemist Association had just as much tracking information as most government entities.

"As you know, they should be prepping for the new influx of guardians to come in. St. Vladimir's will be arriving in a few days, as will a few select choices from some of the other schools. We'll see a large number of Royals coming in as well. Many have already arrived to select new guardians or trade out those they feel are slipping in age or ability."

Ahh, the aging out of a guardian. It was both humiliating and occasionally a blessing. Those that aged out of active duty managed to survive their tenure, but when you were deemed no longer useful to the Moroi as far as defense goes, then it was a toss up as to where you were placed afterward. Some were lucky enough to be offered a position with a school or the upper levels of the guardian headquarters's hierarchy. The truly honored ones were given a rare and respected full retirement with lifelong benefits. But the others...well, they usually ended up in the pits of paper pushing or finding low-paying grudge work that was befitting a strong man with little skills beyond combat.

The I had been given, one of many I would come into possession over the next several weeks, was one with a new American number and only a few other numbers programmed in. Luka's number would be changed out weekly, as would Stephan's, but the third number would change nearly daily. The only identifying and unifying mark would be the code name at the end.

"&"

Every text from that person would be information from our inside contact within the Court. I had located him just over two weeks ago, offering to waive his annual insurance fee for the year if he agreed to work for us until I could finish what I had started with Rose. While he initially questioned why I had more interest in the Princess's guardian rather than the Princess herself, those questions immediately stopped after I suggested that I find another person to work with and leave no loose ends to deal with.

The first text from the burner phone came the second day after the St Vladimir graduation.

_New Guardian flight came in. She's aboard. Several Moroi aboard as well, including Princess Dragomir. - &_

Confirmation that she was, indeed, where she was supposed to be was good. It meant that, so far, all was well with my plan. Now it was just a waiting game.

We were about to set up another business contact with a local University Bar to get better access to permanent feeders rather than always hunting when another text came, only one day later.

_Tatiana is planning a birthday trip for the Princess to Lehigh University. Two guardians plus Rose will be accompanying. The trip will proceed in ten days. More information to come. - &_

I was almost impressed with the efficiency of our inside man. He seemed to have a knack for providing good information in a timely manner, without wasting my time with inane details such as the whatever was happening within the Court that had little interest to me. I pocketed my cell with almost a twinge of regret that he'd never earn his reward, but a mental note to use this method to get information from within the wards in the future.

The very next day, a quick succession of text came, making my phone ring as if it was suddenly an alarm blaring.

_Princess Vasilisa has been declared missing. - &_

_Rose is apparently missing as well.- &_

_They were both spotted at an event last night. - &_

_They are thought to be together, though nobody knows where they have gone. - &_

_Apparently, there are no records of them leaving through the gates. - &_

_Is this your doing? - &_

I sent a single reply.

_No._

* * *

I mobilized my team along the main arterial road leading out of the Court gates as well as a few of the side roads that split away. They all had the strict order to stand down until I said otherwise, forcing them to wait in the shadows, but I already knew that Rose was long gone.

The SUV's raced past them without bothering to check further than the first few miles surrounding the gates on foot. As long as they kept some distance, the guardians would never see the rather large amount of Strigoi just outside their reach. I sent a small group to track some of the guardian's vehicles to get an idea of where they thought they might be going, but I soon heard the word from Luka that there seemed to be no rhyme of reason for where they were checking. Their search spread everywhere from the nearby shopping center, towards Lehigh University, and the general bus/train/airport sweep.

As a last act of patience, I sent word to the various teams, calling them back to our headquarters before beginning my pacing ritual around the office. It was on the third pass that a book hit the wall, falling apart in a shower of pages as I accepted what this meant. She had taken Vasilisa and gone undercover.

The last time Rose had felt threatened – or more specifically, the last time she felt Vasilisa had been threatened – she had broken them out of the Academy and ran. It had taken the best guardians years to find them. Even as a novice without full training she had managed to evade authorities and move from city to city until I had finally caught her. Even then, that had only happened due to years of information gathering and a series of small mistakes made when she finally reached complacency.

She wouldn't make those mistakes again. If it had been hard to find her before, it would be nearly impossible to now. If she didn't want to be found, she wouldn't be.

Several more items broke in shatters and curses. I should have known she would have run. I should have had someone posted at that gate all day, every day. I fucked up and if we couldn't find her someone would fucking pay for it.

_Keep me posted and if you hear_  anything _from the guardians or Court officials, let me know immediately._

I wouldn't be as scattered and random in my search as the guardians. _We_  were the ones they were trying to protect them from. My team didn't have the same problem. We could move much faster without that annoyance.

I could easily track her, watch for the signs, and find them. After all, I had been the one to find her before, and I could find her again. True, she could be anywhere but I knew Rose better than anyone else and I could piece together where she might head based on some simple logic.

She had already told me some of the reasons why she had chosen certain places over others. Between that and what I already knew about her, it would be easy to narrow down where she would be.

She preferred areas that had more even patterns of day and night, favoring those with more evening hours. However, knowing what she knew now, I wondered if she would opt for more daylight hours even if it meant less mobility. If she was the only one guarding the princess, she would have to sleep at some point and sunlight meant safety.

I mentally scratched that thought for now.

She had also mentioned trying to find places with more overcast or rainy days rather than clear ones. The lower light, even during the day, gave them a bit more ability to move when they traveled during the day without sacrificing Vasilisa's health. If they were switching to a human schedule, or at the very least to a partial human schedule, then that would be a necessity.

Finally, she always tended to stay in college towns. Not only did they fit in better with that particular age group, they also offered lower cost rent and shorter contracts. Also, they could find roommates there and I doubted that Rose would be hesitant in using Vasilisa's compulsion anymore when it came to needing them as feeders. She wouldn't let herself be at anything less than 100% peak strength and awareness. Vasilisa would be the one with the bleeding heart and would try to sway Rose into waiting for official feeders.

A list started forming, with plenty of cities making fitting the parameters. I had even added Portland, though I doubted Rose would be foolish enough to hide there when that was where I had found her only a year before.

* * *

_Guardians finally found a security image of the Princess, Rose, and another guardian named Edison Castile leaving for Seattle by plane. They should have touched down two hours ago. They're sending a jet immediately to work with Alchemists there. - &_

I had slowly been narrowing my list down, one by one, until I could reasonably divide and send my team to search several cities when that text came in.

It was a two-toned message; both invigorating and infuriating at the same time. There was a trail to follow, but it could be cold by now. There was plenty of time for her to find a safe house for a few days or throw off guardians further by moving again, but the location was actually fairly ideal for her to stay for a while. It had been high on my final list of potential sanctuaries for them.

There were a few larger Universities and dozens of smaller community colleges or trade schools that had housing she could hide in. Between that and the weather, it was the perfect place to lay low for quite a long time. The Court would never give up the hunt (nor would I) but the longer she was hidden, the harder she would be to find.

Not to mention there were plenty of vampire enthusiasts in the area who would happily become feeders after that whole vampire love story debacle. It created a boom for our food source, but almost too much interest in our community. Watching the Alchemists trying to keep the hysteria from getting out of control was actually fairly amusing.

We moved as quickly as the guardians, touching down in a small airport rather than the larger, international SeaTac that they were most likely using. Rather than scrambling to find the trio, we'd wait for our informant to dictate the next step. Holding still for hours was a skill I had perfected as a guardian, and while I wanted nothing more than to chase her down like a wolf who had caught his prey's scent, I knew my patience would eventually be rewarded.

It was rounding on a full day though since her disappearance. Then it slowly pulled past that. My tolerance wearing thin. I was going to wait for nightfall before sending my team out to look through some of the campuses to find roommate ads when a text from our informant stopped me.

_No word from the guardians, but some odd movement from A. Ivashkov. - &_

I nearly dismissed it, ready to lash out at him for the uselessness of the comment, before remembering that Adrian was one of the few people that either Vasilisa or Rose might reach out to.

_Adrian has booked a flight to Las Vegas. Much different than his behavior over the past day and a half. - &_

While Adrian had always been erratic in his behavior, and I wouldn't put it past him to decide on a bender at the most inappropriate time, but my gut told me something about this was different.

"Fuel up the plane and collect our supplies," I ordered out to Lukas. "We're heading to Las Vegas immediately."

_Slip a tracer in his bag. Do whatever it takes._

Thankfully, I had no doubt that my contact would do as told. He knew his life was on the line.

By the time we hit the Las Vegas heat, we'd know exactly where Rose and the others were.

* * *

**Thanks for reading. Don't forget to follow me on Tumblr (gigi256)**


	3. Chapter 3

There was one text on my phone when we landed.

_Tracker's in place. I may not be able to update for some time. There's been a major prison break and that is taking priority at Court for the moment. - &_

The fact that there was anything trumping the disappearance of Vasilisa was surprising, and I spared a single thought for who could have escaped one of their prisons for the Court to forget arguably the most valuable Royal besides the Queen herself.

But once that thought was over, I was focused on my goal once more.

We still had yet to get eyes on Adrian and the others, but we did have a location. He was, in fact, positioned in Las Vegas. The Luxor hotel to be exact.

While Las Vegas had near blindingly bright days that would make it nearly impossible for Moroi to walk around, much less Strigoi, it was actually a fairly good haven. As long as one could get to the Strip, you could travel from place to place without ever seeing the sun. Nearly all the hotels were connected to one another, and those that weren't had access by the monorail. Plus, there were hidden underground access tunnels from the Bellagio, Wynn, and Venitian to a place called The Witching Hour; a lounge specifically designed for Moroi visitors. As for travel to and from the plane? Well, a call into one of the dozens of limo services made that as easy as a blood whore looking for her next fix.

We stood in the Casino, spread out through the twisting paths of slot machines and hidden passageways between shopping stalls and information desks. There was no way for our small team to keep total visual coverage of both levels of the public entertainment and gambling areas, so we sectioned off areas and patrolled them as best we could in hopes of seeing one of our targets.

We had been there for hours, long enough that a hostess offering drinks to gamblers had made a point of trying to catch my eye every time she passed my way. I was starting to debate whether or not I had enough time to slip her into one of the restrooms and indulge myself when I felt a buzz in my pocket. It wasn't a text this time, but a call.

"I think I found them, Sir."

"Where?" Emilia was decent at her job, but I didn't want her closing in on the group alone.

"First level, near the coffee shop and elevator three." Of course, it was on the other side of where I was. I could easily send Luka, who was closer, but I was eager to see her with my own eyes. "They're in one of the alcoves just outside the meeting rooms. It looks to be it just her and Adrian at the moment but they also appear to be arguing."

"Send me a picture but keep your distance. You don't want to tip her off that we are nearby."

The phone buzzed again a moment later with a picture. They did seem to be having quite a heated argument. Adrian's hand was thrown to the side, finger pointing to something beyond the sight of the camera while he shouted at her. For her part, Rose looked both frustrated and somewhat ashamed, but her arms were stubbornly crossed in front of her. I could recognize that look from miles away: she wasn't going to budge, even if she knew she was in the wrong.

The line had been quiet while I studied the image, but was broken when I heard the urgent shouts through the speaker.

"They're moving! Opposites directions! She's heading towards elevator 4 and he's moving towards the center of the casino."

I gave the command for her to follow Adrian but not to approach under any circumstances while I tried to spot Roza. There were so many people around that it was nearly impossible to see her above the crowd of tourists. Focusing on each spot while also being careful to not spend too much time in any single area that I missed her in another spot was key.

There. I caught her hair moving briskly, alone, through a grouping of roulette tables. Pushing my way through the main gambling area rather than the designated pathways was slightly more difficult but people still tended to move for the person more imposing than them. The ones who were too distracted to do so were easily pushed aside.

"Hey!" A man hit one of the chairs beside him as I shoved him out of the way. In his slightly inebriated state, he seemed willing for a fight until he actually looked up at me. Then it only took a single glare to quiet his protest instantly.

That half a second though nearly cost me my goal though as I tried to relocate Rose.

When I was within one hundred feet, I realized something wasn't quite right about her. Her hair wasn't the intensely dark brown I was used to. It was black. The same tan skin, the same build except with softer curves that hinted at some less rigorous training, but that hair...

Part of me wanted to still get closer so that I could be 100% sure. People could dye their hair and if she knew that I was going to be looking for her, perhaps she would do so. But that's when she turned towards the connection access between this hotel and Excalibur. It suddenly became crystal clear that her hair wasn't the only thing that was totally wrong about the woman I had been tracking.

I cursed my stupidity, making the person next to me jump as my fist slammed their machine. The two women didn't look anything alike, and if I had been paying more attention rather than letting my vendetta get the best of me I would have noticed that her clothing was nothing like what I had just seen in the picture.

By now, she was probably long gone. I knew that wouldn't be my last chance to find her, but missing her due to my own foolishness was more upsetting than not finding her at all.

I called Emilia back, growling out my orders. "You still have Adrian in sight?"

"Yes, looks like he's sitting down to some poker."

"Keep eyes on him. Do not let him out of your sight. If he moves to an elevator, let me know immediately."

Keeping track of him on the casino floor would be significantly easier than trying to figure out which room he might be. Already, I could assume that Rose was hiding with the others in one of the rooms and we didn't have near the man power to check every room on every floor. All we could hope for is that Rose or the others would come back down to find him later.

Sometime later and with a few extra chips in his pockets, Adrian moved from his table. When he did, it was straight towards the elevators. Slipping in to see what floor he was one would be easy if we had a human working with us. It would also be fairly easy if he was in one of the elevators that had a glass viewing line from the casino floor. But we were short on both counts. He was using the East Tower elevator; one of the more hidden elevators that didn't allow us to track him. And while his tracer was accurate, it was only accurate within about five hundred feet on a single plane, leaving us with very little assistance finding him in one of the over four thousand rooms.

We kept moving across the floor, over and over again for hours. Luka took a couple of people to keep eye on the South side of the Casino, while I took the other two and watched the North side.

Someone was posted at the entrance of the East elevators the entire time, but the only people moving in and out of the doors were humans who barely noticed Gregory leaning against the wall.

When we did spot the entire group, there were a few people that we hadn't expected. Somehow, they had appeared at the Pyramid Cafe in the center of the gambling floor. Rose, Vasilisa, Adrian, and Eddie were all together, but two more were also seated at the table. Victor Dashkov sat beside a worn down man that almost made Dashkov look healthy...or at least stable. It certainly answered the question about who had broken out of prison and caused a stir at Court.

What impressed me more was the fact that Rose would allow that man within ten feet of Vasilisa. Their meeting intrigued me, especially since there still seemed tension surrounding them like a quilt. Unfortunately, I couldn't get too close without setting Rose shadow-kissed senses off, so all I had to go off of with speculations.

The meeting was thankfully short lived before they moved as a group towards the same elevators we had seen Adrian used before. Unwilling to lose her twice, I ordered Gregory and Emilia into position and reveled in the anticipation of meeting her again.

"No..." She had been too late in detecting us and she knew it. Her failure had been the same as mine: focusing on one aspect and losing the whole. "Stop!"

The others stopped immediately at her command, mostly looking at her in confusion except for Eddie, who had the good wits and training to recognize a potential danger.

I didn't have to give the word to my team. Once the element of surprise was gone, speed was our friend. Emilia took on Rose while Gregory went for Eddie. Both of them were well trained, but so were the young guardians. While Rose had been the one I had primarily trained, I had also spent more than a few hours with Eddie, especially after Mason's death. I knew that he would be a decent opponent as well.

Emilia, however, was no opponent at all for my Roza. She didn't even have a chance to touch her before Rose drove a stake through her heart.

"I told you," I stepped towards her as she moved over Emilia's body towards me. "I told you that I'd find you."

"Yeah, I got the memos." There was a breathlessness in her voice. Not from excursion or arousal, but from worry. Nerves maybe? Or panic? She was afraid of me or the situation, despite her bravado. It was amusing how some things never change, including her always trying to put on a brave face despite knowing I could see right through it.

I reached quickly for her stake hand, hoping to catch her wrist and disable her quickly. With her weapon gone, our footing would be even. Out battles were always ten times more enjoyable when we had no advantages over one another. It was pure skill and raw strength.

She dodged though, her speed actually rivaling my own as she blocked and let the length of her stake run along my forearm while I hissed at the contact and pushed back.

"Yet here you are," I grinned, despite the sting of her stake. "Foolishly stepping outside when you should have stayed in the safety of Court."

She said nothing, not even registering a hint of surprise. She had seen her share of people working with Strigoi; Moroi, human, and maybe even dhampir. It probably didn't phase her at all to think that I had eyes on her at all time, both inside Court and surrounding it. I knew her every move.

She attacked again but I easily sidestepped it, recognizing her set up to the strike. She did the same for me when I moved to counter.

"And strangest of all," I continued, unable to keep the laugh from my comment, "you didn't come alone. You brought Moroi. You've always taken risks with your own life, but I didn't expect you to be so hasty with theirs."

There was the reaction I was hoping for. Fear, true and complete fear.

"Lissa!" she yelled, her eyes trying to pull away towards her friend but knowing the fatal results if she did so. "Get the hell out of here! Get them all out of here."

I didn't have the same issues as my opponent. While Rose's back was towards the rest of the group, I was still able to see them from the corner of my eye wall still keeping Roza front and center. If Rose was afraid, Vasilisa was well and truly terrified. Horror seemed to paralyze her, and Adrian didn't look much better as he tried to gently block her from possible injury. As if that useless drunk had the ability to fight off anything stronger than a hangover.

Eventually, Rose's worry for Vasilisa overcame her instincts for self-preservation, as it always would as long as she remained entwined in the slavery that was the guardian system. The moment she faltered to check on her was the moment I struck.

I reached for her wrist again, this time successfully disarming her before pressing her against the wall with her arms over her head. I had held her in this position so many times in the Estate, pressing my body into hers until she begged for her own release but now I would have to make due with a whole new sort of torturing her in a new way.

"Roza . . ." I hummed, unable to resist the urge to trace my cheek against hers and feel her body shudder once more against mine. Despite the drive to kill one another, we would be attracted to one another as well. "Why? Why did you have to be so difficult? We could have spent eternity together . . ."

"Sorry," she bit out, regaining her composure and struggling against me in earnest again. "My eternity doesn't involve being part of the undead mafia."

"I know." It really was a pity. "Eternity will be lonely without you."

An earsplitting shriek sounded in the hall, echoing tenfold against the bare walls and marble floors. Someone had finally gone through the emergency exit and the alarm was painful to us all. Through the door, a strip of light warmed the thin fabric of my pant leg; the only barrier between me and the acid like burn of the sun. Her struggle intensified, perhaps hoping that she, too, could escape with the others, but I was ready to put an end to this. My mouth came down to taste her sweet release of death right before something much worse than the sun blazed through me.

A stake. Eddie's stake.

He must have stayed behind after taking care of Gregory rather than following the others into the safety of daylight. At least Rose could always pride herself on the loyalty of the men in her life. Too bad they all died in their dedication.

I turned on him, giving Rose a hard shove into the wall in hopes of incapacitating her for at least a short while. His face was hard and ready for battle - the picture of a trained and accomplished guardian. He didn't seem to even register that I was someone he had known before. To say that was an accomplishment, especially for someone so new, was an understatement.

Even fighting him was a challenge, but not one that proved too difficult. He wasn't as prepared to fight me as Rose. She had known every one of my moves and could anticipate them. Eddie had to work from intuition and skill alone. While he held his own admirable, his ability wouldn't stand the test of time. He barely lucked out on a move that would have crushed his skull against the wall, but it had still hurt him significantly and pulled much of his strength away.

He didn't give up the fight though. He stood back up, preparing to either fight to kill or fight to die. It would have been easy to give him his wish, but a strike to the back of my head divided my attention between the two of them.

Where fighting one would have been a challenge I knew I would eventually win, fighting both was one that I was much more concerned about. They were both undeniably skilled. However, one didn't seem to have the heart in her to win and that was a weakness that I could use. I was her weakness. Each one of her moves seemed to be more in defense of herself and Eddie rather than in offense towards me.

I could see the kill shot in his eyes, though. Eddie was just waiting for his opening. He might have found one too, if Roza hadn't let her stake slice a long cut through my face, – from the bridge of my nose to my jaw – and intentionally shoved them both towards the open doorway.

She doubted their ability to beat me. Rightly so.

He looked shocked but didn't protest as he started to pull them towards the exit, but not so fast that I couldn't grab her myself. She cried out as I pulled her back, nearly pulling her shoulder from its socket. I wasn't going to let her get away again. I didn't care if everyone else went free. I didn't care if everyone else died. I would have my Roza at my feet and the taste of her blood if I had to spend the rest of eternity fighting to do so.

They pulled together, fighting me like they had in battle just a minute before and slowly made progress. I was strong but they were working against me. As a hustle of feet started approaching, I was able to get a second hand on her and pulled her back with more surety.

"Security." Eddie gave another tug, grunting as he did so.

Rose cursed, against his words or against the pain I'm not sure.

"You can't win." She never would. She knew it. We both did. As long as we were both here, we would be hunting the other, and there was only one way it would end.

"Oh yeah?" she gritted, still pulling but making no advancement. "We're about to have the entire Luxor Attack Squad here."

I smirked when she looked back. "We're about to have a pile of bodies here. Humans."

There was a small look of horror as my words registered before she glanced over my shoulder to where there must have been a dozen or more security guards witnessing our struggle. Her training and duty demanded she put their lives first, but she had gone against that code before. I could see her planning to do so now, already feeling regret.

As much as I hated to admit it, I would have to let her go to deal with this new nuisance. They wouldn't allow me to pull an obviously unwilling girl away, much less stand by as I kill her. It would prompt a full attack and I would lose her either way. At least for now. The security team was already shouting for us to 'stop' and 'put our hands up' as if that would suddenly pacify the scene before them. I released her, turning to face the wall of humans who unwittingly ran headfirst into their own death and listened to the heavy metal door opened wide enough to let Eddie and Rose pass through completely into the safety of daylight.

"It's not over, Roza." I called out, "Do you really think there's anywhere you can go in this world where I can't find you?"

There was no answer, but I knew she had heard me.

That silence was echoed now in the men before me. Where they had been so quick to shout orders before, they now stared at me in fearful wonder. Some hazarded looks at the two dead bodies at the ground, but they all had guns trained on me with fingers ready to pull the trigger.

"Get down on the ground!"

The apparent leader gestured slightly towards the floor, but the slight shake in both his hands and voice were easy to detect.

"No...I don't think I will."

I took a step forward, and then another, before the first shot fired. It hit its mark but it barely slowed my journey. On my third step, they open fired. Bullets peppered my body, some causing me to wince or shudder back a small bit, but none kept me from advancing on them. Some started cursing when they realized that they're weapons were useless, one even decided to abandon the cause, and several froze as their guns offered their last bullet.

The brave commander – so brave but so foolish – swung his gun at me in desperation when I was in striking distance, but that was even less effective than the bullets. All it did was cause the blood on my face from Roza's stake to smear across my cheek.

My hands on his neck though, well that was very effective. I lifted him by his throat until he was raised high above me, kicking and gasping while he pulled at my hands in a desperate attempt to get away. Eventually, his body fell limp and I tossed him towards another one of the guards who fell and scampered to get away.

In the end, there were several bodies lying dead and bleeding on the sand-colored marble. The faux pyramid was their deathbed and I was able to leave through one of the back alleys with nothing more than a quick call to Luka.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading. Don't forget to share, comment, fav, and follow! Find me on Tumblr as gigi256!


	4. Chapter 4

"I want eyes on the airport until sunrise. Longer, if we can manage it." Luka nodded sharply along with my command, a sure sign of his agreement and willingness to follow. I could already see the finer details of the plan forming in his mind. "They're going to want to leave as soon as possible."

"Are we going to split our group between the main airport and the private services further North?"

It was a valid question. Dashkov's assets had been frozen when he was arrested, but it had been clear that tens of thousands were already squirreled away to various accounts that were beyond the ability of the Court's legal system. Between the Princess's money and Dashkov's, they should have plenty of money to charter a plane anywhere they desired. There were quite a few flights heading towards Court through the public airlines, but both McCarren International and North Las Vegas Airport offered private flight services as well. And who was to say that they were even heading to Court? It was the last place that Dashkov would allow himself to go as one of the government's most wanted criminals and until Rose was done with him, she wouldn't let him out of her sight.

The bigger problem at the moment was that I had too few men to split among the airports. I hardly had enough men to canvas a single airport.

"No. We stick together at McCarren. Keep an eye on the ticket counters and security lines. Those are the two most likely places we'll find them. We're wasting time, though. Let's go before they can disappear on us again."

We paused only to strengthen ourselves with a meal before heading out to the airport. The sound of my teeth grinding, both in anger at losing her and irritation that she was beyond my reach once more, was almost enough to drown out the chatter of people coming and going as flights were called over the intercom. I hated these 'shot-in-the-dark' plans that I had to rely on at the moment when I could meticulously control nearly every other aspect of my Empire.

Even a quick call to Stephen was enough to check on the state of our financial holding and rearrange some money and men to maximize a new contract with a neighboring stronghold.

In contrast, leaving things up to the mind of Rose and attempting to intercept her in the meantime was a hassle that I was getting fed up with quickly. She had been obstinate before – a disappointment, a nuisance – but now she was holding me back in creating the most profitable and powerful dominion among my kind.

Her death and defeat was my goal and I couldn't let anything get in my way. No distractions. No mistakes. No weakness from those around me. She had rejected me – rejected us – in favor of her stupidity and honor. I couldn't let the slight stand.

I watched one of the five security areas at the airport. We were hedging our bets that they were staying in the United States, allowing us to forgo the international section security gate at Terminal E, but that still didn't allow us to constantly keep track of the thousands of people that were being funneled in by the minute.

At Luka's suggestion, we kept our small group in three teams of two. That allowed us to move between the four remaining security gates and two of the larger ticket counters in rounds, even if there were some areas that were left unattended for a short time. There was still strength in numbers, no matter how small they were. We knew that they had two guardians with them. Together, both Rose and Eddie were more than capable of taking on a single one of us alone. Two-against-two, however, would be much harder for them to overcome.

Both teams kept to a terminal's security area for only 20 minutes, allowing our groups to do a full circuit much faster than their group should have been able to get through one of the slow moving lines. It wasn't infallible, but it allowed for the most coverage with the least amount of people.

The plan fell short, however. She had managed to elude me again.

We made it to one of the security lines just in time to see Rose pushing Vasilisa ahead of her through the metal detectors where Adrian and Eddie were already waiting on the other side. Eddie was receiving a pat down for setting off the alarm. Rose would receive a similar one momentarily, but it was all for a show to pacify the people waiting behind them and allow that false sense of security to continue on in those little minds. The promise mark on a guardian's neck served as a badge to anyone who knew what to look for and there was always one Alchemist nearby at security gates to push guardians through without issue.

Already Eddie was being waved by and Rose's pat down was being given half-heartedly by someone who surely had a small gold lily somewhere on their face. It didn't stop the growl in me, though, to watch someone else touch her.

Nor did it hedge the anger at knowing that she had somehow gotten past us again. The security line was long and even if they were flying first class and thus in the expedited line, the team ahead of us should have caught them before they ever made it close to the TSA check in. Now, beyond purchasing tickets ourselves and checking every single gate in that terminal, we'd have to regroup again and come up with a new plan. But not until I punished the ones who allowed this to happen in the first place.

I summoned the others, calling them back in a way that left no questions about what had happened or my feelings towards it. While Luka and his partner held their heads high as they returned, the other group approached like dogs with their tails tucked between their legs. They tried to bare their teeth to show how strong they were, but those two were nothing except mongrels who would be punished for their foolishness.

"What happened?" It was a rhetorical question. The failure of Collins and Dansel was obvious to everyone without anything being said.

Luka looked towards the other two, knowing without a doubt who was at fault and what would soon happen. Death. The only question was whether it would be quick and painless or drug out for my satisfaction.

"Sir, we kept our rounds, but found an opportunity to feed. We still monitored this check point, I swear it." Collins spoke quickly with both anger and desperation in his voice, but there was no excuse that could garner my sympathy. They had been late and if they had paused here at all, it was most likely not enough time to give the heavy throng of people the careful examination it took to find four individuals in over one hundred.

"Luka," I didn't look at him, but I knew he stood at attention, "did you find it necessary to alter your assignment in order to feed?"

"No, sir. We followed your orders to the letter."

The dogs winced, knowing that their graves were being dug one word at a time.

"Jordan, did we feed at any time since coming here? Have we been delayed to our position for any reason?"

I could almost feel the sadistic glee in her reply. She was one who tended to enjoy the pain of others. "No, sir. Not at all."

That was the final nail in their coffin.

"We lost them. Again. You two are to blame. I believe it is time for us to return to our hotel rooms until we can regroup and form a new plan. Rest assured, however, your insubordination will be remembered and punished."

I had already called a heavily tinted limo to take us back to the hotel. We had only been driving a few moments before I knocked on the divider between us and the driver, asking him to pull over. The silent tension between the group surged instantly.

"Dansel. Collins. You've disappointed me. You've cost me an opportunity that I've been working towards for months. I cannot allow something like this to mar my reputation. I cannot have men on my team who are weak and are liable to break my orders for their own whims."

Luka shifted away, almost intuitively knowing what would happen next.

A stream of bright daylight rushed into the darkness of the car's interior as I pushed open the door. Jordan laughed under her breath, enjoying the sudden protests and pleas from her peers.

"Out." It was a simple order, but one that they still resisted. Their inability to follow orders had led them to this moment and I'd be damned if I allowed their disobedience to continue.

"You can walk out with honor or you can be forced out. Either way, you  _will_ burn in the sun."

A moment or two of near quite followed as I stared them down. Collins stood, steeling himself, before stepping into the light and screaming at the blistering response. The smell of burning flesh and ash filled the car as he convulsed, eventually falling outside of the vehicle and disappearing into nothing but a pile of dirt.

His screams weren't the only ones ringing through the vehicle, though. From behind me, I could hear the shocked outcry from the driver who had just seen a man burn to death before his own eyes. He could be taken care of later, though. The riot of someone else was a much higher priority at the moment. Dansel was now shouting, cursing, and fighting for his worthless life. He rushed me, pausing only when the light between us seared his skin, before taking his attack to Luka.

My second-in-command was stronger. Between that and his total obedience, he was a formidable ally. He held Dansel back like he was weightless, waiting for my signal before he tossed him out of the door without ceremony to meet the same fate as Collins.

The screaming from the driver began again in earnest. Watching not one, but two very large and grown men die in inexplicable, horrible, and seemingly excruciating deaths must have been terribly traumatic. However, he had a job to do and we had places to be.

I knocked on the barrier again and waited for his wavering answer.

"Si-ir. Can..can I help you?" His voice cracked as he tried and failed to keep it steady and professional.

"Lower the partition," I hesitated then added a small gentleness to my voice, "please."

The thick black piece of plastic that separated the driver's cab from us came down slowly. The man, staring ahead as if his life depended on it, gulped before speaking again. "How may I be of service?"

"Look at me."

His eyes closed tightly; a secret wish to defy me, but knowing better as someone who had just witnessed what happen if he ignored my request. Eventually, he did as directed.

"You will forget what you saw. Do you understand?" His fear and confusion melted into a slow acceptance. The sharp look in his eyes became dull as he listened to my words. "You drove us from the airport and to our hotel. No stops were made. You saw nothing out of the ordinary. You will never speak of us or this drive because there is nothing of note to say. You won't even remember our faces."

He nodded, the compulsion overwhelming his senses.

"Now. Drive."

* * *

The others were resting, no doubt enjoying the sins that Las Vegas had to offer, while Luka watched me pace back and forth the room in my frustration.

"Sir. Permission to speak freely?"

I eyed Luka, knowing that he never hesitated to speak his mind when it came to strategy and the fact that he was asking this meant that I wouldn't like what he was about to say. Still, he would eventually say it one way or another, so I gestured for him to continue.

"I feel your obsession with this girl is getting out of hand."

My body stiffened, suddenly engaged in a quiet fury at his suggestion. "I've had four men die today, Luka. I don't want to add you to that number."

"Sir, that is exactly what I mean." He sighed, relaxing his posture now that he knew I wasn't going to immediately snap and decapitate him. "Our numbers are suffering because of one girl. I know she rejected all you had to offer her as an ally in this empire -"

"She abandoned me! Humiliated me!"

"Be that as it may, are you willing to risk the rest of your operation in revenge?"

"I have continued to build this Estate, making it greater than Galina ever could have imagined. I believe I have been very successful in doing what has needed to be done in maintaining order within my ranks. Do you disagree?"

"Absolutely not. Stephen and I both know that you have done well to expand. There is no doubt about that. However, you have seemed...less concerned with the business.. since this Rose has left 's Academy. I could almost understand if you were looking to legitimatize the prestige of our group with the death of the Last Dragomir, but you are much more preoccupied with her guardian. I'm afraid that it will start to paint you in a negative light to your men and your business contacts."

"What do I care how they view me? My actions speak for themselves."

He said nothing, neither agreeing nor disagreeing with me.

"We'll have another chance next week. If our contact is to be believed, she'll be out in the open again and then this will all be over." I glanced at him with narrowed eyes. "Is that enough to satisfy you?"

His posture returned to the soldier-like stiffness that he so often held, despite leaving his guardian status behind him. "Sir, I only hope to advise and assist. Whatever you choose to do, I will follow."

They were the words he knew I wanted to hear. That alone was precisely why I couldn't trust them. Or him. I wasn't lying when I said my actions spoke for myself, though. I didn't need some executioner to take care of my dirty work if he was questioning my leadership. If he couldn't fall in line, then I would be happy to take care of him the same way I had taken care of Collins and Dansel.

He would be wise to not question me again.

* * *

_Princess, Lord Ivashkov, Castile, and Hathaway have returned to Court - &_

_Hathaway and Castile have been put on probation for their time in Las Vegas - &_

_Your involvement has not been spoken of - &_

The texts came in before we caught out red eye flight towards my Philadelphia headquarters. There was no mention of Dashkov and the other person I had seen with them. As I went back through the events in my mind, I realized that I hadn't seen them at the airport either.

It was hardly concerning to me, though. More likely than not, Rose had gotten whatever information she had needed and then distanced Vasilisa and herself from them. The men were of no use to me either way.

_People are talking about an 'inside job' concerning the Dashkov issue. I may need to go quiet until it passes over. - &_

I gripped the phone tightly, loosening my grip when the sounds of tiny cracks in the plastic started.

_You will stay available for contact and provide me with the needed information. You are still under contract. Do you understand?_

…

…

_Yes - &_

* * *

_Hathaway has been regulated to labor and desk duty. Rumor is that this won't change anytime soon. Some are calling for a demarking, but there has been no official word. - &_

I sniggered. There was no way they would ever demark her. If they were wise enough, they wouldn't have her sit behind a desk or work menial tasks given to the lowest of so-called guardians. While I reprehended her choice to not be awakened, there was no questioning her talent with a stake and taking it away in favor of a shovel or pen was pure stupidity on the Guardian Council's part.

_The Princess's Lehigh trip?_

_It took some convincing, but I managed to sway the queen into allowing it. There will be 5 guardians present, including those of the Princess Dragomir and Princess Voda who is accompanying the girl. Apparently, a Christian Ozera is attending as well and has been allotted a guardian for the trip - &_

_Get me an itinerary as soon as you are able._

The plan was starting to form in my mind. I had been playing the game all wrong, attempting to track Rose's movements and chasing her from one place to another. What I needed to do was draw her out into the open and let her come to me. I would choose our battlefield and she would walk into it willingly.


	5. Chapter 5

A sense of déjà vu rushed through me as I stood a few feet from the broken street light. It wasn't the first time I had waited in the dark to see Princess Vasilisa. It wasn't the first time I had men waiting in the shadows anticipating and watching for my signal to move in to apprehend her.

The only difference was that, back then, I had been a guardian collecting her to protect her from the monsters. Now I  _was_  the monster. I was the one who I had once feared; the one I was trained to fight and protect others from. It was weakness, fear, and stupidity masquerading as duty and honor. I knew better now. I  _was_  better now.

The brick facade marked the exact place Princess Voda had reserved for the Princess's birthday dinner. Our informant had given us the reservation time and had even let it slip that they had a special room in the back so that they could speak freely without worrying about humans overhearing anything. Wouldn't want to throw those Alchemists into a frenzy, now would we?

They were being careful, but they were also held back by reality. This was the human world. This was a human restaurant. Even if they had planned to walk in as soon as the restaurant started accepting its first diners for their dinner rush, hours before the sun had set, they still would eventually have to contend with the night. As it was, darkness had reigned for several hours before even stepped into the Apollo Grill. By the time they left it was past closing time.

They were making it almost too easy.

My mobile team in Las Vegas had been small. Too small. With the Princess this close to our American home base, I could bring any and every man I wanted to and I had every intention to make sure things went smoothly. I had plenty of men near every exit, but I doubted that the guardians would allow their high-profile Moroi to walk down an abandoned narrow alley that offered little escape.

That wasn't to say that the front entrance was busy by any means: only a few windows were lit up this late at night and they all surrounding the door we were just waiting to open.

A new shaft of light spread across the concrete as a guardian stepped out, checking the surrounding area before stepping forwards a little more to let the others into the clear night. We had the weather on our side. While guardians had decent vision, it was nothing compared to ours and the clouds had covered both the moon and stars leaving only the street lamps to light their way.

Perhaps they didn't take into account that those could fail. Or, to be more exact, that those simple streetlights could be broken and rendered useless. They had parked some distance from the restaurant and by the time the first guardian had noticed the damage, it was far too late for them to run. I had already given the order to surround them.

I had starved these men long enough, promising them this feast before them now. I could almost hear some of them salivating as they saw eight potential victims. It would only take a snap of my fingers to start a feeding frenzy.

However, they had one strict warning: if they dared to lay a hand on Christian or the Princess, there would be hell to pay. Slow, excruciating, burning hell. The sun would seem kind compared to what I would do to them. Fire would be too quick as it burned the flesh from their bones. No. I would tear their heads off inch by inch, millimeter by millimeter, letting them feel every rip until they were begging for me to snap their neck and let their suffering end. And then I'd watch them heal while they groveled at my feet, just so I could do it all again.

My men feared me almost as much as those guardians.

Chaos broke out at my command. Five against fifteen was overkill. Every one of my soldiers were fighting for their first taste of blood and it didn't take long for the metallic scent to fill the air. The weeping and gnashing of teeth that the Bible warned of? It was this moment. Screams of pain, screams of fear, and the indefinably enthusiastic screams that came from my men as they devoured their prey.

I laughed when I saw a bit of movement break from the fray.  _Oh, Christian..._

The boy had slipped from the protective circle of the guardians who were falling fast and was now pushing Vasilisa towards the SUV.

"Open, damn you!" The latch to the door moved uselessly, stopping just before the lock released. I could hear the 'click-click' that sounded every time he tired in vain to make the door work. "Come on!" His shoulder hit the window once, twice, and then he saw me.

I think he knew that he had nowhere to run. Vasilisa was still staring in shocked awe at the scene playing out in front of her. Tears ran down her cheeks, but she didn't bother to wipe them away. Nor did she seem to notice the blood that stained her dress. She did see Christian though and the look of fear on his face. It was one she mirrored when she saw me for herself. As the last guardian fell, leaving only her and Christian standing amidst over a dozen of the things they feared most, I grabbed her.

If she had been afraid of the others she was terrified of me. I could see it in every part of her. Her head shook in disbelief and her breath stopped for a moment before she started up those whiny little murmurs that always proceeded a person begging for mercy. Though I knew she wanted nothing more than to get away, she didn't move a centimeter.

A flash of heat and light soared to life behind her. Christian was bravely trying to take her back and I had no doubt that he would have died in the next thirty seconds if he felt that it make any difference in saving his pretty little Princess. My hand around her pretty little neck, though... well that changed things.

"Put it out," I warned. It was more a threat against his life than hers, but I didn't mind playing with his head a little if it meant that I could make my mousetrap that much more enticing to Roza. "Put it out or she dies."

"Don't listen to him! He's going to kill us anyways!" The last of Vasilisa's words were breathless as I grasped her throat tighter, but the sound of her gasps gave Christian all the motivation he needed to comply with my request. He'd go quietly as long as I had his girl at my mercy.

"Actually, I'd rather you two stay alive." I chuckled as their faces turned to confusion. "At least for a little while longer."

"Why?"

It was obvious, wasn't it? "Because I need you to be bait for Rose."

* * *

I didn't bother blindfolding either of them. I wanted Vasilisa to see every sign, every highway marker, anything and everything that made our ride to the warehouse identifiable. The Guardian Council would eventually realize that Rose was the best way to find the Last Dragomir and the clearer I could make her map, the more I could be certain that she would know exactly where to find me.

Luka was waiting and finishing the preparations for our arrival. All but one of my extraction team had survived our little bout with Vasilisa's protection detail earlier so their numbers would be added to the army that was awaiting our arrival.

I sat between the couple. There was no need to bind them when they were both smart enough to know that any attack against me wouldn't end well for them. I said I'd keep them alive...I never promised that I'd keep them injury free. There were quite a few things I could do to make them cooperate.

Christian was ramrod straight, only moving anytime I brush against him. In contrast, Vasilisa wouldn't stop moving. She shifted every couple of seconds, pulling closer to the locked door, smoothing her skirt, crossing her arms, and then repeating it all again. If I didn't know better, I'd almost say she was nervous more than frightened. She should know better; she didn't have anything to fear until Rose was well within my grasp. Her life would be a bit more unclear after that, however.

"Pay attention."

She jumped at my order. I had kept it fairly even, but it was still enough to spook her. Another sign passed us and she whispered the words under her breath.

_Good girl._

"Another half our before our destination, Sir."

A scoff came from beside me.

"Christian!"

"What? 'Sir?'" He scoffed at her scolding hiss. "They're acting like he's some sort of powerful business man. Worse, they act like he's a general."

I was content to let him learn for himself, but Westwood proudly came to my defense. "Mr. Belikov commands an empire of over a hundred between here and Russia. I'd be more respectful if I were you."

The wheels' rhythmic beating over the asphalt outside was the only sound that filled the car for a moment. I knew it wouldn't last though. Christian was too much like Rose in that regard.

"Wow. You've been busy."

On the other side of me, another round of shifting started, this time with fearful shaking.

* * *

"Tie them up. Make sure there are several good layers of that rope." I eyed Christian carefully, remembering just how he had gotten Rose and the others out of their literal bind last winter by burning Rose's restraints. Trying that again would lead to quite a bit of pain and scarring this time around.

The warehouse office door flew open, banging against the wall and sounding much louder than it should have as Magen finished the last of the binds.

"We have the teams set up. Four, just like you asked." Luka's eye flicked towards the two captives, but he otherwise ignored them.

"And they all know to let her in, right? Kill the others, but Rose gets a clear path. She'll be coming for these two and I don't want anything getting in her way."

I was starting to recognize that look in his eyes. It was the one that came just before dissension. Others wore it more openly when they wanted to defy orders, but Luka was sly. He knew better than to speak out of turn. He knew better than to let me see his growing disapproval.

Perhaps he didn't know that I could see it all anyways. More importantly, I didn't care. As long as he followed my orders today I didn't care one ounce about what he thought. After all this was done and out of the way, my commands would be the least of his problems.

He gave a sharp nod and left without a word, leaving only the sound of the door slamming again and reverberating into the open space outside to tell me what he really thought.

I tried to count the time, each step marking a new second. It had been about two hours since we had initially taken them hostage. If Rose had seen it and immediately reported it, then I could expect at least an hour and a half. That's assuming they believed her without question, however. There was no accounting for how long she had to convince them and the time it took to plan their attack on us.

Time was ticking down, but I had no idea when it would all come to a head.

_First units of guardians have gone out. Still attempting to get an accurate number. - &_

It was better than nothing.

"If the guardians really  _are_  coming then we should be posted outside." Magan wasn't nearly as shrewd about hiding her animosity towards the situation as Luka had been. I also couldn't count her among my best fighters – they were all in the second layers of protection. She did, however, make for some decent fodder. All I needed was a few people here to distract whoever survived the rest of my units.

"They're coming." I tapped the wall twice before turning around again. I knew the Guardian Council. I knew the Moroi Court. Most importantly, I knew my Roza. None of them would allow the last Dragomir go without a fight as long as there was even a microscopic chance she was alive. "I know they are."

"Then let me get out there and be useful! You don't need us to babysit these two." Her declaration echoed through the room while the others stood still, looking anywhere – everywhere – else but at her.

They abandoned her fully when my pacing changed directions and I came toe-to-toe with her. Her head lifted in defiance while simultaneously slinking backward into a filing cabinet.

"You don't know them," I assured her. "They're dangerous. I'm not even sure this is enough protection."

There were dozens outside. As many men as I could spare from my US operation and much more than Luka had thought wise. If we failed here then I would be starting all over again. We wouldn't fail, though. We couldn't.

I had planned this whole attack from scratch. I had the high ground. I knew how the Council operated and what I should expect from them. We were too close to Court for them to send their entire fleet of available guardians, but they would still send plenty. Thirty perhaps? We had more than enough to take on that number. Even if they wouldn't send everyone, I knew they would send some of their most capable men and women. Only those serving as the Royal Guard, the best of the very best, would be missing from those high ranks. Their only service was to that of the reigning monarch.

"That's ridiculous!"

The drywall cracked sending a cloud of plaster into the air as my strike threw her back and left her crumpled on the ground. "You  _will_  stay here, and you  _will_  guard them as long as I tell you to, do you understand?"

Magen was foolish, but not so much so that she would dare fight back. Everyone in this room knew that would be a losing battle. Apparently, they all had at least a little more sense than she did and didn't question me when I reminded them that they would stay here too.

"If the guardians actually make it this far inside, you'll be needed for more than just guard duty."

Some almost seemed eager to fight. The notion was ridiculous. None of these imbeciles were proven on the battlefield. It wasn't even worth knowing some of their names; two of the men here were part of the dozen of so who had been awakened within the past few days just for this battle. It was a numbers game. While I had many capable men working for me, I didn't mind having a few on the front lines to take a stake while the more worthy ones finished the job.

Some chatter from Christian and Vasilisa caught my attention, but one sharp look towards the boy silenced it.

Before I could investigate, someone spoke from the opposite corner. "How do you know they'll come?"

I stepped towards the Princess, kneeling down so that I could see every little tremor in her lip as she tried to pull away. Catching her by the throat, I forced her eyes towards mine.

"I know the guardians will come because Rose is watching." I had always been able to feel her eyes on me before, and I could feel them now – even through Vasilisa. "Aren't you, Rose?"

Rose had spoken of the bond on occasion after our long training sessions. She could see whatever Vasilissa saw and felt whatever she felt. I had watched as she was tortured through the Princess and driven mad by the darkness of Spirit. Knowing she was watching me now, I could probably make her feel pain. Agony, even.

Or I could let her feel pleasure. My finger traced the girl's neck, making her shiver. I could nearly see Rose doing the same as she rushed to her death. I had power over them both at this very moment and wondered if it was possible to kill Rose simply by snapping her bondmate's neck. It hadn't been tested, but there was no time like the present, right?

No. I wanted to do this personally. I wanted to see her eyes, her own eyes, as she died. I wanted to hear her beg for me to spare her life. I wanted her to see everything she had given up as I stole both mortality and immortality from her with my own hands.

Soon, I grinned. "You're in there, Rose. And you won't abandon either of them. You aren't foolish enough to come alone, are you? Maybe once you would have – but not anymore."

There was a palpable shift as tears started to spill from the princess. Rose was gone...but she was coming.

* * *

_**Thanks for reading! Don't forget to leave a comment about things you like and things you're excited to see!** _


	6. Chapter 6

"They're here."

The call came with the sound of fighting on its heels, the phone disconnecting suddenly. It was time. Within moments, I would see her. Our final battle would be fought.

There was a rush just thinking about it. I had taken many lives, but they were nothing. They were meaningless: prey, defectors, weak links, and those who stood in my way. Rose...Rose was the challenge that would make me complete. Her blood would cleanse the part of me that longed for infinity and was still found wanting. She was holding me back and until she was dead at my feet, I wouldn't be able to achieve true and undeniable success.

So let her come and let her perish. Let her give in to the inevitable.

The sound of combat grew louder every second that passed. I could hear orders being shouted, grunts of warfare, and the last screams of life sounding over it all.

"It's a trap, Rose. Run. It's a trap." Vasilisa's eyes were shut tight like vices, but her mumbled words were whispered just loud enough that I could hear them over the chaos.

I turned and stalked over to her, relishing the look on her face when she realized that she had been heard. "You don't think she knows, Princess? Don't you think she knows that I'm waiting for her? And more importantly, do you really think she's going to listen to your pathetic pleading?"

Her jaw locked in an attempt to keep from betraying her emotions, but those angry tears gave her away.

"Don't worry, Vasilisa," I patted her cheek twice before letting the third crack against her face. She cried out and Christian began cursing and wrestling against his binds. "If it makes you feel better, you can console yourself knowing that it will only be a short while before you join her again. I'll make your death quick. I'll even kill you both myself so you don't have to deal with these worthless fools."

Magen glared at me, but I barely registered her annoyance.

"You bastard!" Christian was still fighting, almost to the point where he tipped his chair. I placed my foot next to him on the seat, instantly stabilizing it. "She'll kill you! She'll kill you and I'll dance on your ashes."

"You used to be a good man, Dimitri! I know you love her! Why are you doing this?"

"He's a monster, Liss! He's nothing but a hideous, blood-thirsty, demonic monster!"

His tantrum was just that: the fit of a misbehaving child. I relaxed against the back corner, smiling as I stared him down. "Oh, come on, Christian. Don't make me kill you before the show starts. You wouldn't want to miss it, would you?"

He replied by spitting at my feet.

Almost on cue, the bloodshed started ringing through the metal walls of the main warehouse, just outside the door. A large 'thump' sounded against the wall and a second later the door was kicked in. Rose wasn't the first to enter. Rather, I recognized the Head Guardian from the council. He had a stake in one of my men within moments.

I huffed. Honestly, I hadn't expected much, but I had hoped for a little bit more than instantaneous death by those who were chosen to fight the final conflict with me.

It was tight in this room, making it much harder for everyone to accomplish their goals. I didn't even bother to move until some of these people were no longer taking up valuable space. It would be much easier when they were dead and could be kicked aside.

I almost changed my mind when Magen leapt towards Rose. She had violated a direct command and it was obvious that her actions were meant to send a message to me. I could only imagine her surprise when her insubordination took a turn for the worse as she realized that Rose was more than she could ever hope to be; whether as a fighter or anything else on this earthly realm. Rose drove a stake through her heart without ceremony, letting her fall and moving on before her kill had even hit the ground.

Our eyes met. Like a magnet, we were drawn together. It had always been like this. I stood, walking around Vasilisa and Christian while she pushed her way through the other skirmishes around her.

"You're beautiful in battle. Like an avenging angel come to deliver the justice of heaven." I could almost see it. Those dark wings spread out, pushing a path towards her mortal enemy. She was dressed in black with her hair tied up high. Apparently, she didn't forget every lesson of mine. Blood streaked her clothing, a with a small scattering over her cheek like freckles.

"Funny," she twisted her stake, shifting her hand a bit higher the hilt. It was a sure sign of her going on the offensive. "That is kind of why I'm here."

"Angels fall, Rose."

She narrowed her eyes then winced. She was only a few steps away. "You've gone to a lot of trouble to get me here. A lot of people are going to die ...yours and mine."

I shrugged. One of my men, who I didn't recognize as one of the men I had chosen to be in this room initially, moved between us. She didn't acknowledge him beyond the steps it took to move around him and the guardian he was fighting.

"It doesn't matter. None of them matter. If they die, then they obviously aren't worthy."

"Prey and predator."

I nodded along with the sentiment. It was all about survival of the fittest. If my men didn't prove themselves against these guardians, then they were no use to me. Rose was no longer any use to me because while she was remarkable in many things, her judgment was fatally flawed.

Even now, she was putting herself at a significant disadvantage by closing our gap to the point where she had limited movement. Her speed and agile mobility would even the imbalance that was naturally between us.

"All this death is because of you, you know." My body was angled away from her, protecting my heart. I knew she would take any opening she could find. "If you'd let me awaken you . . . let us be together . . . well, none of this would have happened. We'd still be in Russia, in each other's arms, and all of your friends here would be safe. None of them would have died. It's your fault." Rousing her short temper was a quick way get her to make the first strike.

"And what about the people I'd have to kill in Russia?" She demanded, voice rising loud over the other battles around us.

So close...so close. I shifted my weight knowing that her attack would come any second now.

"They wouldn't be safe if I -"

A crash behind me, distinct from the other battle noises, sounded loud enough to distract us both. Rose's eyes flew from one side of me to the other and I saw Christian hit a wall to my right. Somehow he had escaped and if he was free so was the Princess. That cut my time with Rose significantly.

"Stop it! Stay out of the way!"

Her distraction was my advantage. I reached for her neck, intending to let her have her last words before I sucked the life from her veins. When she managed to shift at the last second, my hand caught her shoulder and pushed her back several feet. She stumbled by didn't fall, narrowing her eyes in frustration.

"I'd be impressed if that wasn't something a ten-year-old could do. Now your friends . . . well, they're also fighting at a ten-year-old level. And for Moroi? That's actually pretty good."

"Yeah, well, we'll see what your assessment is when I kill you." She spat the words through gritted teeth, making a small movement to the left. I sidestepped her, ready to grab her and end this, but also content to play with my little pet a bit more.

"You can't, Rose. Haven't you figured that out by now? Haven't you seen it? You can't defeat me. You can't kill me. Even if you could, you can't bring yourself to do it. You'll hesitate. Again."

It was small, so small that it was hardly noticeable, but I saw her smile. I saw that tiny smirk and the little shake of her head. She wasn't taking on my challenge with bravado. She was taking it on with confidence in her cause. No boasting, no indecisiveness, just a quiet certainty in herself.

I had seen it before in a battle that had ended with me pinned underneath her and a practice stake poised at my heart. I had been proud then. And I was proud now, too. It was almost unfortunate that she would never see that victory.

One of us would live and one of us would die.

I lunged for her neck again, and again she blocked me, letting my hand glance off her shoulder rather than letting it take the full brunt of the blow. She wasn't quick enough in moving away, however, and I was able to grasp her arm. Her dominate arm that held her stake. I pulled her quickly towards me, watching her eyes widen to the point where I could see my reflection in them.

The red in my own eyes was mirrored in hers, serving as another reminder of what could have been.

Before I could expose her neck, however, another hand reached for her. Pale.

I grabbed whatever useless piece of garbage had dared to disobey me by his hair, pulling it at an unnatural angle. "Mine!" One quick movement and the 'snap' sounded, letting me toss him aside like a ragdoll.

I had lost focus, though. I had been so intent and focused on killing her myself, that I had lost focus on her. Because she was there, stake in hand, not even bothering to spare me a glance as she lined up her kill shot. No last words, no fanfare, just a sudden and bitter end to our epic tale.

Rose's darkness was replaced by light. The warrior and the princess. There was still a stake, there was still death, but it was no longer Rose attempting the final blow. It was...Vasilisa.

It would have been entertaining had it not been so absurd. It didn't matter where she had gotten the stake or why she decided to attempt her hand at fighting now, but apparently, she was content with her death coming before her bondmate's.

"No!"

A blaze of heat jumped out at me. I stepped back, only to find the blaze was there too. It was surrounding me, cutting me off from everyone and any possible escape.

"Stop!" I could still hear Rose shouting through the loud, rushing, all consuming sound of the flames that nearly obscured her words. "You'll burn us all alive!"

No, not everyone. Me. The battle was supposed to be between Rose and me, but apparently, I was to go down in a literal blaze of glory. The flames darted at my heels, singing the leather of my coat. I screamed as the heat started to make my flesh bubble in angry red welts, quickly turning black in some places as the fire licked at the skin. I couldn't hear anything beyond the fire and my own screams at that point. The world could be opening up to swallow me and everyone else in existence and I wouldn't know or care. All I could think about was the torture that I felt here and now.

A new sharp pain hit my chest. I had felt it before. Twice before. A stake. I couldn't be bothered to care, though. It was nearly painless as it slowly moved into my chest, inch by inch. The fire burned hotter. Quicker.

That stake was nothing until it was absolutely everything.

The cliché is that when you die, you're supposed to follow the light. Follow the light to heaven or perhaps to hell. Nobody ever mentions the light rushing at you so fast that you couldn't escape it if you tried.

The light that surrounded me the same moment I felt the stake hit my heart was more consuming than the fire could ever hope to be. It burned like the sun. There were so many colors flashing through it that you couldn't focus on anything but the pure blinding white.

_Is this what death feels like? Warm?_

The cave had been cold. It had been agony lying there and slowly bleeding out. I had been alone except for the man that had stolen everything from me. The darkness had slowly overcome me until there was nothing left to give. This...this was nothing like that.

This gave. Light, comfort, hope, healing. It gave everything without asking anything in return. At the center of it, I could vaguely see someone with me.

She seemed angelic. Her hair billowed out around her, but the light masked any distinct features. All I could see was her hand reaching out to me. When I grasped it the overwhelming feeling intensified tenfold. Like the light itself, she offered more and more, pulling me in until I was kneeling at her feet and holding onto her with every ounce of strength that I could muster.

_Let death take me. Why had I been afraid all this time? Death was warm. Death comforted you with a healing angel and hope for light. Let it take me. I'll go willingly._

And then it was gone.

It was gone.

_No. No! Don't let it go..._

I held tighter, but the light was gone. It took the hope with it. Pain replaced the healing. Memories. Death. Death. All that death. Not mine, but my fault. I caused that death...all that death.

I was cold, inside and out. So cold. The comfort was gone. All except the little bit I could feel from the angel still brushing my hair back and whispering my name over and over again.

I held tighter. She couldn't go. If she left me what would remain?

_Don't leave me. Don't leave me._

_Don't leave me with the memories._

_Let death take me._

_Just don't leave me with the memories._

* * *

_Thank you for reading._


	7. Chapter 7

"Dimitri."

I recognized that voice. It was gentle. Calm. When she whispered my name again, I dared to look. My angel was Vasilisa.

I was still clinging to her, my head in her lap and one hand clinging to the burned remains of a skirt that I just vaguely remembered seeing not too long ago. It had been whole, then. What happened?

_What happened?_

I shouldn't have looked up. Of course, I saw her. Why wouldn't I see anyone but my worst memories running through my mind?

Blood. Abuse. Angry words. Lust. Torture. Hate. Obsession. Death.

Rose.

_No. Don't look._

My eyes squeezed so tight that I felt a new trail of tears running down my face, flooding the river that was already there from before.

That's where the quiet ended. The screaming was horrific and from every side. Some were cries of fighting. Others the shriek of pain. Orders. Too much to handle. I tried to block it out, but it seemed to come closer. Something pulled at me. Vasilisa moved further away. I tried to hold her, but they kept pulling us apart. She screamed my name and held her hand out to me again, but someone grabbed it before I could. All I could scream was a single word over and over again.

"No! No! No!"

_They're taking her. Why are they taking her?_

She was screaming at them to stop. There were other words I couldn't hear, but she gestured wildly towards me and fought to get back. I was too stunned to do anything but watch as they stole her from me. I needed her. Why couldn't they understand that?

"Get down! Get on the ground! Now!"

A foot forced me violently to the ground. The skin of my wrist skid across the cement, embedding shards of rock into the cuts as I attempted to catch myself before my face hit the floor. Pain. Not nearly as bad as watching them take her further away.

Christian was now next to her. Where did he come from? He was shouting the same way she was.

My simple glance must have been seen as resistance because my cheek hit the cold, hard ground and sent a shocking wave through my skull. Something pressed against my temple, but I was more focused on what I could now see right in front of me.

Chairs. Burned ropes. Another memory.

I couldn't breathe; not with the way they were pinning me down and certainly not with the flashes of images coming at me. A restaurant. The light reflecting off a lilac dress. My hand at Vasilisa's throat. The sound of that same hand cracking across her face.

I had held them captive. No. Hostage _._

I didn't feel them haul me up, but I did feel my feet buckle beneath me. I also saw several flashes of silver in front of me.

_Go ahead. I deserve it._

"No! Don't! He's not what you think! He's not Strigoi! Look at him!" Her voice rose above the commotion of the scene, but couldn't subdue the ringing in my head.

_I'm a monster. I'm a monster. I'm a monster..._

One of the men in front of me hesitated and I exhaled, letting the others support my weight. I couldn't tell if I was relieved or disappointed that they weren't going to kill me on the spot.

"Get him in a car. We'll figure this out later." He eyed me one more time, but I averted my gaze. "Don't lower your guard. I want a stake on him at all times, do you understand? If he makes even one move towards you, don't hesitate to do what you need to."

I nodded, agreeing with the command. From the corner of my eye, I could see the man balk back in confusion before turning hard again.

"We've lost too many tonight because of this bastard. I'd rather see a stake through his heart than another guardian dead in this godforsaken hellhole. Now go...get him out of my sight."

The sounds of struggles still hadn't completely died, but they had dimmed considerably. I was jostled over a body and I couldn't bear to see if it was man or monster. That might have been preferable to what I ended up finding instead.

Rose.

Four people struggled to hold her without outright harming her. She was screaming, her stake long abandoned as she kicked out and another person fell back. She screamed my name. She screamed out Vasilisa's. She begged them to stop. To listen.

For the smallest moment, I wanted to hold her. I wanted to calm her and tell her that everything would be okay. But that was e a lie. It would all be a lie. Nothing was okay.

Then the moment ended and I was pushed forward again. I saw the massacre with my own eyes. I counted the bodies, grateful that Strigoi outnumbered guardians, but guilt ridden at every wide eyed, blank stare I passed.

_There's so many. This is all my fault. They died because of me. I did this._

I didn't resist as I was cuffed. I didn't resist as I was pushed into the back of an SUV. I didn't protest when the car started and the long drive to Court began.

"We should just stake him now and leave his body by the side of the road."

"You should."

The three men snapped towards to me in unison at my agreement, including the driver who immediately turned back to the road, but continued glance at me from the review mirror. I didn't know (or care) if they were more shocked at what I said or the fact that I spoke at all. It seemed to unnerve them either way, so I resolved to stay quiet after that.

"Nah. The alchemists would kill us for dragging them out here. They have enough to deal with back at that warehouse." Apparently, it was easier to ignore me than to acknowledge me. "Plus, can you imagine the paperwork on this one?"

I spent the rest of the ride in silence, listening as they theorize what happened in that room as they continued to watch me with skepticism. Meanwhile, I asked myself the same questions.

* * *

I forgot what the sun felt like. Terrifying for a moment, but then pleasant. The heat bore down on me while the cool wind whisked the sting of it away. Even as someone urged me forward, I lifted my face to the sun.

Then my sunshine was taken away again; all but a small box less than a foot in either direction and filled with thick bars. Everything else was metal and stone. The walls were made of thick concrete bricks. The floor was smooth cement. Perforated metal tiles were screwed tightly on the ceiling. Thick metal bars separated me from the men watching me dubiously. I sat on the metal bed and let my hand graze the only piece of fabric this room had to offer: a rough blanket and a thin pillow.

My hands. Dear God. I hadn't noticed before but they looked...normal. I laughed – this broken and insane sounding thing – as I brought my palm closer and traced the lines, flipping it to look at the veins that were now hidden by the tan coloring of my skin rather than the cold, pale, and semi-translucent surface that had been there before. My thumb ran over every finger pad, relishing in the sensation of my fingerprints and only halting as I noticed the blood caked in the nails.

What else had changed?

"Belikov!"

My head snapped to another guardian, Guardian Croft, as he came into view. I knew him. He was the Head Guardian on the council. The last time I had seen him was when he had given me my assignment as Vasilisa's guardian. He had told me that others had spoken well of me and that he expected great things from me. He told me that, based on my record, he had no doubts that I would be able to protect the Princess.

I failed.

He carried some clothing in his hands. "I can't offer you much right now, but here's some clothing and there's a few towels in there. The sink should get warm enough to clean up."

"When can I see Vasilisa?"

"Excuse me?"

"Princess Dragomir. Vasilisa. I need to see her. Please. I need to see her."

"I- You can't be serious. There's no way she'll be allowed here. The Council won't allow it. I won't allow it!"

I could feel my chest tighten. My breath came quick. The edges of my vision faded and I gripped the sheet beneath me.

"Please. Please. I promise I won't hurt her. I would never."

"You kidnapped her less than forty-eight hours ago!"

I winced. The anger in the truth stung but not enough to deter me.

"Please."

His nostrils flared as we stared each other down. Both of us were determined, but while he looked justified in his protective cause, I'm sure I looked like nothing more than a pathetic fool. Maybe that's why he eventually took pity and looked away.

"I'll talk to her. I can't promise anything, but...she's been asking about you too. Almost as much as Hathaway."

My relief instantly shattered at her name.

"No."

"No what?"

"Don't let Rose in. I don't want to see her."

"But -"

"No."

I walked slowly towards the bars, not caring when he quickly stepped away and then carefully moved forward once more. I grabbed the bundle he offered.

"Anyone but Rose." I didn't break my gaze until he nodded.

* * *

They brought her down with nearly an army of guardians, but eventually, Vasilisa was allowed to see me. I wouldn't have cared if they had to shackle me to the wall and press a stake at my heart to make it happen, I would have done whatever it took to talk to her. That was precisely why I used every ounce of my willpower to hold still against the back wall when she came into view, especially when she sped to the bars separating us when she saw me..

One of the guards gripped her hand and pulled her away. Seeing her wince, even a little bit, stirred something protective in me and I watched his hand fly to his stake in reaction to the low rumble in my chest.

_Another deep breath. Press further against the wall. Don't let them have a reason to take her away again._

"Dimitri?" She seemed as relieved to see me as I was to see her. "Are you hurt? Have they hurt you?"

I nodded. "No. I'm fine. They gave me some clothing." It didn't make sense to tell her about the sidelong glares and passive aggressive threats some of the men were giving me, especially since they were justly deserved and I didn't exactly disagree with their ideas. "I don't know how or why, but I'm fine. No burns from the fire, no marks from the ba-" I glanced at the other guardians knowing that any injury I would have suffered in the warehouse was nothing compared to their brothers in arms who didn't come back at all. "before. Nothing from before."

Her shoulders relaxed as she sighed.

"Good. I'm glad. I was so worried about you."

I didn't deserve her worry. I didn't deserve her kindness at all.

"Are you okay? I...I hurt you." There was a bit of bruising on her cheek where I had struck her. I closed my eyes in hopes that the mark would disappear and it would all be a bad dream, but it was still there. The burns on her hands were gone – probably healed – but the bruise was a glaring reminder of who I was; who I might still be somewhere inside.

"Dimitri," She sounded like my mama trying to console me. "I'm fine. Really, it was nothing. I've been through much worse. Plus, that wasn't you."

That  _was_ me. Somewhere inside of me, that...thing...was born. It had come from me, not some demonic possession or body snatcher. I might have looked like the man I once was and I might not be feasting on the blood of others, but so much of that monster was still me. That seed was still planted somewhere just waiting to grow again.

"You know that, right? You know that wasn't you."

I didn't answer, hoping that a vague shake of the head that could easily be mistaken for 'no, I know that wasn't me' rather than the more truthful 'no, I don't agree' would be enough to appease her.

"Do you need anything? You said they gave you clothes. Do you need anything else?"

I did need something. Perhaps not immediately, but soon. It wasn't really my position to ask for anything – I didn't even deserve the respect of a criminal, much less anything else – but eventually, I would succumb to the need. Perhaps the strangest thing of all was how long it had actually taken me to recognize the sensation; I was hungry. I wasn't  _craving_. I was just hungry.

"Food," I muttered, "I'll need something to eat soon."

Her brow wrinkled, mouth dropping open just slightly as her head tilted. Then that confusion morphed into a fury that I had never witnessed from her. She turned to one of the guardians posted currently at my cell and stalked up to him.

"You haven't fed him!" I don't think he expected her to actually grab his shirt, pulling him closer to feel the full force of her apparent anger. "He deserved at least the basic human rights, no matter what you all think of him!"

"Princess," the younger guardian posted on the other side of the cell addressed her and I could tell that his patronizing tone wouldn't bode well for him, no matter what he said next. "We can't exactly send a feeder in there. Who knows what would happen. He'll survive without blood and it might be better for us all if he's a bit weaker without it."

The thought of blood made my head spin. I could hear shrieks and screams and sighs all around me. The metallic smell and taste of iron coated my throat and only the sensation of the earth spinning too fast for me to walk kept me from running to the small toilet I had been allowed in here.

I held on to Vasilisa's voice to pull me out.

"...told you! He's not Strigoi! He doesn't need blood! He needs food; real food. He needs water, too. Are you denying that as well?"

"It's okay, Prince-"

"It is not okay, Dimitri! You deserve to be treated with respect and basic necessities, even if they don't understand what's happened."

It was one of her own guardians who ended the argument. "We'll see about getting him some food. I promise, Princess. It's about time for us to go."

She eyed the younger man who had dared to challenge her before. "I'll be checking in again. If he is still being mistreated I will take it out on you, personally. I hope that is motivation enough for you to encourage them to provide the essentials."

The young man nodded swiftly, more out of fear than respect, but that seemed to be what Vasilisa had desired.

* * *

It wasn't food that came next, though; it was a doctor. Actually several doctors, several guardians (including Hans), and two representatives from the Council.

Hans was the first to approach offering the initial insight as to what was to come. He looked stiff compared to the day before, not to say that he had seemed extremely relaxed then. "Belikov, step forward slowly." The stringent professionalism in the command was another harsh reality. "I want you to spread your arms wide and hold the furthest bar you can reach on either side.

I didn't hesitate to obey the direction even if I couldn't imagine what those words would amount to. As my first hand grasped a bar on the far right I felt a pair of hand cuffs clamp down quickly, locking me to the bar itself.

Hans almost dared me to say anything about it. Perhaps his look was less of a dare and more of a plea for me to cooperate but didn't matter because I answered by stretching out my other arm and let him lock that into place as well.

It was only then that the others seemed satisfied enough to approach the cell.

"Start with his eyes, Doctor."

I wasn't unfamiliar with the shine of a pen light. Any novice had seen them more than once; usually after a particularly spirited sparring match or a training session gone awry. As a guardian, almost every attack was followed up with a quick physical check that included testing the eyes for the signs of a concussion. It was part of the training. It was part of the job.

Apparently checking the eyes with that little pen light was going to be the way they now examined people for signs of a lingering Strigoi.

I studied the back wall of painted concrete bricks, counting them as I sensed the light move back and forth. Their words were tossed around like I was some sort of specimen or zoo animal. They talked about me without acknowledging me, and even going so far as to act like I couldn't hear a word they said about me.

"There is none of the typical redness in the iris that we typically associate and see with Strigoi."

"Is there a chance that he's some sort of new breed?" I shut my eyes for a moment at the councilwoman's words, upset by both the ridiculousness of the idea and the vague worry in the pit of my stomach that she might actually be right.

"He didn't show any signs of distress when we brought him here either, ma'am. It was full daylight and he handled the sun without issue."

The doctor hummed and hawed while Hans spoke, shifting that infernal flashlight back and forth between my eyes until everything was pierced with black spots wherever I looked. "Has he shown any aggression? Rage?"

"No, sir," While I couldn't see him – or anything else for that matter – I recognized the voice of the older guardian stationed at my cell. "If anything, he's been incredibly docile. He's hardly spoken two words to any of us and Guardian Taywood said that he was just the same on the transport over. Besides his audience with Princess Dragomir, he's been silent and sitting on the cot."

The light finally snapped off.

"Well, I cannot give any official words without further study, so at this point, it's hard to say what has happened. He doesn't appear to be Strigoi or show any signs of their nature. I'd recommend continual monitoring until we can determine more."

And with that, they left. They were gone before Hans had the chance to unlock the first cuff, leaving me alone to rub the irritation on my wrists away while my questions burned deep about what had happened...and what would happen now.

* * *

**Thank you for reading.**

**FYI, next chapter might be late due to my husband being out of town. I'm having difficulty finding the time needed to write. I'll be back to the normal schedule as soon as possible.**


	8. Chapter 8

I recognized the smell before I saw the food, and was already grimacing when the young guardian carried the cardboard box to my cell. Immediately, I felt ill. It was as if of my innards were slowly being twisted with a fork and then drug out through my stomach.

Of course, I'd get pizza. At least it came with an apple rather than a brownie, but still. If I hadn't been starving by this point I might have sent it back but I needed food more than my pride at the moment so I reluctantly accepted it. I checked it quickly confirming that it was, in fact, pepperoni (her favorite, naturally) before setting it aside and reaching for the apple they had offered as well. I knew it wouldn't be enough to satisfy me, but it gave me a few extra minutes before I had to suffer through the same meal I had tempted Rose with during her imprisonment.

Rather than diving into the fruit like an animal, I tossed it back and forth in the air. Feeling the weight of it in my hands and enjoying the rare flash of color in this dreary room that was already starting to get to me. It was only when that I realized I was literally playing with my food – something that I had been accused of more than once over the past few months – that I stopped short. Pizza, apples, relationships, lives – pretty much anything and everything I had touched was now destroyed because of who I was and what I had done. I felt the urge to chuck the fruit as far as possible from me. Granted, the other wall was only about ten feet away meaning my aggression would have been short lived so I had to settle with resting it against my lips instead. The sweet smell tempted me until I gave in and allowed myself the pleasure of something I knew I didn't deserve.

That first bite was magnificent. It had been so long since I had truly eaten anything and that sensation of breaking off a crisp, cool, solid bite of fruit was something that had nearly been lost to me. Feeling sweet juice rather than warm, thick blood filling my mouth made me audibly sigh. Even the process of chewing, something that I hadn't done in months – felt amazing. I tried hard to make each morsel last as long as I could but it was impossible when I was quickly chasing each swallow with the next bite. It was gone far too quickly and when nothing but the core, seeds, and bit of the stem was left, I reluctantly set it aside. Hopefully, there would be more in the future.

My body wasn't satisfied, though. I tried to wait. I held out even as my stomach cried its dissent at the smell of something edible near by, no matter how mentally upsetting it was. Eventually, my body won over my mind. The cheese and oily meat weren't nearly as gratifying and my stomach quickly went from twisting in want to twisting in turmoil with every bite until I couldn't manage another mouthful, no matter how hungry I was.

In the end, I had barely managed to eat half a slice before I pushed it back towards the steel bars. "I'm done. You guys are welcomed to the rest if you want. I can't...I don't care for pizza."

Food wasn't the only thing I ended up needing again. Eventually, my body grew heavy and even the thin mattress and even thinner sheets were comfortable enough for me to fall asleep. Sleep didn't necessarily mean rest, however. I tossed and turned as one nightmare morphed into another. I saw a child cowering in fear, wrapped in a sleeping bag and small bear held tightly in his arms. I watched a man scream in terror as he tried to run. I had let him go for a few seconds just so I could enjoy the look on his face when he realized that he hadn't managed to get as far away as he had thought. I watched a woman writhe in ecstasy as I drained her, pulling myself from the nightmare just before her blonde hair and porcelain skin started shifting into something slightly darker and infinitely more familiar to me. Moments and memories attacked me every time I closed my eyes until I couldn't bear to sleep anymore. At least not that night. Eventually, I would have to sleep again, but the nightmares would still be there. Would they always be there? Would it be worth sleeping if I was overrun with them? Would anything be worth it? If my life was filled with those nightmares...

* * *

I expected more testing. The doctor had certainly hinted at there being more. Perhaps they would never stop testing me, studying me, looking for some answer as to what had happened and who I was. If  _I_  couldn't say for sure, how could I expect  _them_  to understand and find some answer? Vasilisa seemed to be the only one who was certain that I was myself again, but I didn't have the heart to tell her the truth. I didn't feel like myself. I didn't feel like I had when I was Strigoi, but I didn't feel like I had been before either. I felt...empty.

Well, sometimes I felt empty. Other times I felt like every single thought I could possibly have was pressing against my skull without a place to go until my head started spinning out of control and I just wanted to hide from whatever was taking over me.

But right now I was blissfully empty, staring at the long drip in the white paint that crossed three of the cement blocks. They must have painted these cells quickly. Had the cells been needed immediately and that was what had caused the haste? Or was it just a matter of the occupants in these cells not being worth the extra effort to perfect each little stroke? I was in the middle of the riveting debate when I heard the loud clang of the door leading to the lower holding cells.

At one time I would have snapped to attention, but I was too tired today. Plus, sudden movements seemed to make people nervous.

The sound of pops from my shoulders and neck fell in line with the final steps coming down the hall. Hans again. And the doctor.

"Good morning, Doctor..." I paused. "I'm sorry, I don't believe I got your name yesterday."

The older man's eyes pulled as he studied me, highlighting the crowfeet in the corners. I didn't know if he was more concerned with the fact that I was asking for a small piece of identifying information about him or that I was actually addressing him directly, but he eventually answered.

"Doctor McCully." He quickly went back to work, pulling out a needle, tubing, and several vials. "We're going to be taking some samples of your blood. Have you had blood drawn before?"

I nodded, then verbally answered when I realized that he was too distracted with his work to look at me.

"Good. Then if you wouldn't mind, Guardian Croft, getting him set up and we'll start."

It took quite a while to find a position that allowed me to be both cuffed securely as well as find a decent vein. It didn't help matters that I was fairly dehydrated on top of everything else.

"I think that's all we need for now. Thank you, Dimitri." I blinked at the words directed at me, especially since they didn't come with the same hesitation that they had before. "We'll take these upstairs and test them against Guardian Croft's. We'll rush this so it should only take a day or two at most for the results to come back." He nodded at the crook of my elbow, silently asking me to put pressure on the spot while he removed the needle. Hans reached over when my bindings pulled at the metal and stopped my hand.

"What are you looking for?"

He began to tape up the wound. "We're going to see if all the genomes match up. Obviously, there is a slight difference between humans, dhampirs, moroi, and strigoi. We can quickly look at your DNA sample against both dhampirs and strigoi to see if you match with either. We have a few samples on file, but Guardian Croft has offered a fresh sample and an Alchemist in Louisiana overnighted a sample of Strigoi blood this morning."

"Will you let me know? When you find out the results?"

"Mr. Belikov, I plan to let everyone know." He chuckled when the last of the samples slipped into his bag. "When this is all over, I can probably submit a paper for scientific review. But yes, I'll let you know right after I inform the Council."

There was an odd rush of anticipation as they left; optimism and trepidation with one slowly overtaking the other as I realized that it might not matter what those results showed. Science might be truth, but truth wasn't always the end all, be all. The only thing that mattered was what other people believed. If they believed I was still Strigoi, then I was. If they believed they were safer while I was locked in this cell, then this is where I would remain. And if they felt that my crimes were worthy of a death penalty...well, I might just agree with them.

* * *

While the experience with Dr. McCully had gone relatively well, the same couldn't be said about the meeting with Dr. Reagan.

Hans had been the one to gather me again. Apparently, he had been personally assigned to my case. "Belikov. You have another appointment."

I looked for someone else accompanying him, but he was alone. He didn't miss my glance, though.

"Not here." Hans handed me his cuffs to slip on by myself – a move that, frankly, shocked me even more than his statement before – and motioned me forwards so he could clip on some leg irons after checking to make sure the cuffs were secure. With both tight enough for his liking, he opened the door and urged me forward. My legs caught slightly at the section of the chain between my ankles. The length wasn't anywhere close to my stride, and I had to quickly alter my steps to accommodate it.

The pair that had been standing post at the cell fell behind us and the brief moment of elation I had at the idea of leaving that claustrophobic little box was overtaken by apprehension as I realized that I might be taken outside. I had just watched the fading light of the sun in my little window; enjoying the tiny pleasure of watching the sky switch from blue to gold, then a dark orange that somehow faded directly into a deep navy with just a hint of the black that would soon be filled with stars. Soon, the entire Court would be awake and able to catch a glimpse of whatever they thought I was. A rumor? A monster? If nothing else, I would be a story to pass around and around.

Thankfully, we turned left several feet before the exit and slipped into one of the interrogation rooms.

"Sit, Mr. Belikov." Dr. Reagan was a much more stoic man who appeared to have the personality of a rock and barely looked at me while he flipped through some papers.

My habit of observation was still well and strong, and I didn't miss the fact that the heavy metal table was bolted to the floor and had a small but durable clip right in front of my seat. I automatically lifted the handcuffs towards the clip as I sat, letting Hans lock the chains to the table. Between the table, the cuffs, and the leg irons, I wasn't going anywhere.

There also was a two-way mirror. I didn't care to guess who was on the other side of it, especially since it could be absolutely nobody for all I knew. It was just as easy to ignore it completely.

"So, we're just going to go over some questions to get a general history today. If we have time, we might delve further, but let's start simple today. I'm going to ask you to speak loudly and clearly," he waved towards a little recording device, "and to answer as honestly as you can. Do you understand?"

I nodded.

He looked at me, exasperated already, over his shallow reading glasses. "Vocally, Mr. Belikov."

"I'm sorry. Yes, I understand."

"Good. You were born Dimitri Belikov, correct?"

"Yes."

"Born in Baia, Russia to an Olena Belikova?"

"Correct."

"You're currently..." He flipped a page, "25?"

I paused, realizing that my birthday had been last month and I hadn't noticed. Perhaps it didn't matter. Why would it if I was more concerned with immortality? "Yes. I'm 25."

"It says here that you are a Blood Master Seven. I'm not completely familiar with Guardian rankings, but I understand that this is a high honor."

Before I could say anything, Hans spoke. "If I may, sir. It is the highest rake a Guardian can reach. Most guardians don't reach that rank until their 30s if they ever reach that rank at all."

Dr. Reagan's eyebrows raised, showing another indication of emotion. I was starting to realize that it was a rare thing for him to actually appear anything other than bored, and perhaps I could pass the time with seeing how many signs of life I could get out of him.

"And you appeared to reach it by 23. Impressive. Was this the reason that you were considered for the Queen's Guard?"

"Yes. I turned down the offer, taking the position as Princess Vasilisa's Personal Guardian instead."

He hummed, looking over some other notes.

"Any particular reason for that?"

"Not especially. I've always guarded individuals before and while it was an honor to be considered for the Queen's Guard, I felt that this was the better position for me at that time."

"Okay, now. You took the position of the Princess's personal guard and then had the unique experience of actually needed to locate her and a...hmm, Rose Hathaway," I tried not to wince at her name. If I failed, he continued on without acknowledging it. "You succeeded in finding them both within four months after other authorities had been searching for nearly two years."

"Yes. The girls had been moving from city to city and staying under the radar, but we located them in Portland."

"And you brought them back to St. Vladimir's Academy?"

"Yes."

"According to my paperwork, you took on several other roles at the school." His pen tapped quickly against the paper and my heart matched the pace.

_Tap_. "Vasilisa's personal guard."

_Beat._

_Tap_. "St. Vladimir's school guard."

_Beat._

_Tap_. "And...personal trainer for Rose Hathaway?"

_Stop._

"Yes," I replied with a shaky breath.

"This was the girl that had kidnapped the Princess?"

"Accompanied her." I amended, perhaps a little too quickly. "They had left together, fleeing a perceived threat. After they were returned to the school that threat was revealed and we realized that their concern was warranted."

He scribbled several notes on his yellow legal pad and nodded. "Dashkov." That one word summarized the entire story.

He asked question after question. About my relationship with Vasilisa (typical, professional). About my history with Ivan (more personal) and the trauma after his death (much more personal). He asked about my recorded kills, going as far as to take a picture of my  _Molnija_  marks to add to his file.

"Any unrecorded kills?"

_Not of Strigoi..._

"No."

He started to ask another question when I interrupted him.

"Wait. Yes. The night I...The night of the attack on St Vladimir's Academy. There were several unrecorded kills."

"Yes, that would make sense. Let's talk about that night more."

I shifted in my seat. It suddenly felt like a bed of nails while the room became several degrees hotter.

"I've spoken to a few people about your case. We have several records of you fighting alongside other guardians. Emil Sala reported seeing you both on Academy grounds during the main battle and during the rescue mission at the Vincent Caverns. We also have testimonies from several other staff members including Alberta Petrov and Stan Alto."

I nodded, grateful for all those who had spoken on my behalf.

"We are missing some pieces of information, however. There is no record of where you were the hour or two immediately before the attack."

The cabin. With Rose. I was with her and...

"Mr. Belikov?"

My hands relaxed a little and I feel the sharp pain of where my fingernails had been digging into my palm. I tried to meet Dr. Ragan's eyes, but he seemed out of focus.

"Is there anyone who could tell us where you were? An alibi?"

"N-no. I was...alone." I had already ruined Rose's life enough. I wasn't going to let her name be sullied because of our actions that night. Even worse, I wasn't going to let her be drug into whatever they were apparently going to accuse me of. It would be better if she wasn't associated with me at all.

"Guardian Alto mentioned that Guardian Hathaway had raised the alarm at the Academy using a code word that she had gotten from you. Were you two together?"

My heart was racing, as I desperately tried to find some lie to save her from being tied to me and this mess. "I saw her shortly after I realized there was a threat. I...I sent her to the school and tried to fight off as much of the first wave as I could."

Dr. Reagan eyed me with skepticism and I got the distinct feeling that he could see through every word I was saying. I couldn't tell if I was saving Rose or putting her in even more danger with every evasion.

"You two were also the ones who notified the school guardians about the location of the caves where the captive victims were being kept, correct?"

The taste of blood filled my mouth and I realized it was mine. My cheek stung while the coppery tinge made me shudder, but both were nothing compared to the way my stomach dropped at that moment. I answered with resignation, knowing there was no way to twist that truth. "Yes."

"We also have a witness that says you both left the meeting where guardians were discussing and planning the rescue mission," he looked over his papers at me, "together and early. Neither of you were seen for several hours? Do you care to tell me where you and Guardian Hathaway were?"

Salvation. I could finally answer something with at least some honesty and did so quickly. "Several of Rose's friends had been captured. One, specifically, that she had known for most of her childhood. She was stressed and as her mentor, I pulled her aside to help her. I spoke to her a while and encouraged her to get some sleep before doing the same to prepare for the mission."

His lip jutted out, head tilting to see me a bit more clearly as he repeatedly rasped his fingertips on the table in a quick cascade. It was unnerving, but not quite as unnerving as when his hand suddenly stilled.

"Would you say that the mission was successful?"

I didn't understand the question and asked him as much.

"Interpret it as you will." He leaned over the table, steepling his hands.

It was a setup, I could tell, but I didn't know what he wanted from me and what answer would be considered the "correct" one.

"We saved many that would have otherwise died, especially several Moroi and students. However, we also lost quite a few. I don't know how many lived and died in the end. So...I don't know?"

He still didn't speak.

"I guess many would consider it a success, but I don't know if I could agree," I could hear my voice getting more distant, even in my own head, but the words still kept coming. "I...died. I guess I did save a few but I..."

It was as if everything changed in that instant. I was in the bright white room one moment and in total darkness the next with my only saving grace being a pinpoint of light at the end of the tunnel. I heard footsteps beside me and even more behind me.

I didn't even have to look to know where I was. The sounds; smells. Everything was just the same as it was that day. Down to the way her hand felt in mine. Down to the way it was ripped away. Down to the moment I heard her scream my name.

I could see her just outside the light, being held back by others as she fought to get to me. I had been grateful then but now there was a sense of terror. I wanted to call out to her, to them, to come back.

"Don't leave me! Don't let me die!"

There were hands touching me, attacking me, but I couldn't fight them off. I was pinned and no matter how much I struggled, I couldn't move. I screamed, seeing pale skin and red eyes all around me but unable to move away.

I knew what was coming and no amount of struggling would stop it: the sharp pierced of his teeth. I drifted off with the strange thought that he had bitten my arm rather than my neck.

* * *

Hans was there outside my cell when I woke up. Everything hurt. My head was throbbing and the bruises around my wrists were nearly an inch thick.

"I was starting to get worried about you."

"What happened?" I sat up, but the action made me nauseous. I closed my eyes against the feeling and the bright whiteness that seemed ten times more glaring than it had before.

"You had some sort of episode. We had to sedate you." He sighed. "I should have stopped that so-called doctor when his questions started becoming more of an interrogation, and especially when I saw you getting anxious. I'm sorry I didn't, Dimitri."

There was a long pause between us and I realized that he was the only person outside the cell.

"It's...okay."

"No, it's not. You've been through a whole lot. What he was saying – suggesting – it was out of line."

"I get where it's coming from, though."

"So do I, at least on paper, but I don't think you'd ever do any of that. I may not know you personally, but I know you professionally and men like you and I don't suddenly decide to go against their morals and the Guardian's Promise. You wouldn't have allowed so many to die. You wouldn't have set up the Academy to be attacked. And you certainly wouldn't have turned willingly."

He was right. I wouldn't have back then. However, after I was awakened, I had killed dozens without a second thought. I both kidnapped and set up an attack just for a personal vendetta. I had been ready to awaken Rose by force when she hadn't done so willingly. Then I was willing to kill her when both of those choices were no longer viable options in my twisted mind.

There was no way to tell him all that though, so I just nodded.

His voice dipped a little and he leaned closer. "Plus, I didn't like the suggestions he was making about Hathaway. I've gotten to know her professionally pretty quickly. And unfortunately, she's my own personal pain in the ass at the moment." I choked on what almost was a laugh, and he smiled. "Still, she's dedicated as all get out, and talented too. She's made some pretty stupid choices recently but her actions this past week tell me all I need to know about her. She'll be one of those guardians who serves all her life and will probably give her life in service."

The sentiment was supposed to be one of respect. 'Serves their life and gives their life in service.' We use it to honor those who died with a stake in their hand and those who are exceptionally dedicated to our cause. It seemed like empty words at the moment. Technically, I had lived and died in service. If I had the chance to go back, I don't know if I'd make the same choices.

"Well, I just wanted to make sure that you were okay and see if you needed a doctor. A  _medical_  doctor, I mean."

"I think I'll be fine." He started to stand and leave when a thought occurred, "Actually, would it be too much to ask for a book?"

He smiled, glancing around at the nearly empty room. "I can't imagine there's much to do in there, is there? I'll see what I can find. Any requests?"

"Westerns." He didn't laugh like others occasionally did at my choice and I almost wondered if he might be pulling something from his own personal collection. "I prefer the classics, but anything would be great."

Hans tapped the bars with a small grin and shouted at some people just outside of the hall that their break was over.

* * *

**My thoughts are with those who are suffering in natural disasters; be it fire, hurricanes, extreme heat, monsoons, earthquakes or more.**


	9. Chapter 9

Time started blending. It felt like several days, but it was probably only a few hours. I'm sure I could have asked my sentinels, but they seemed to prefer my silence for the most part and I didn't want to put them out any more than I already was by forcing them down into this tiny hole.

I was laying back on the cot again; restless, tired, unable to sleep, but stuck in a cage too small to move about.

"Dimitri."

My eyes snapped open, my mind instantly calming and my body loosing some of the tension that it had been holding onto since this morning.

"Vasilisa. You came back," It was less than a whisper. I hadn't known when they would allow her back. If they would allow her back. I hadn't begged to see her again knowing that I was too dangerous to be around anyone, much less her, but if they had let her see me then they must have had  _some_  faith in me. Even with my earlier breakdown. And she must have asked to see me. She  _wanted_  to see me. That meant more than anything else could have; she still believed me, even if no one else did.

I had barley taken two steps forward, when her guards surrounded her with their hands on their stakes. I had hoped to do more than stay pressed against the wall this time, but their silent warning stopped my instantly. I wasn't afraid, but reluctantly acceptant. Perhaps I wasn't as trusted in her presence as I had initially thought. I was allowed to see her, but not permitted to be close.

She apparently didn't agree. "Back off!" she ordered the group of men around her in nearly the same way she had done yesterday. "Give us some space."

When none of the others moved, she glared at them a bit harder. "I mean it! Step back!"

Even I was a bit surprised when they did, but my shock didn't overwhelm my gratitude.

"Of course I came back." She said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "How are you? Are they . . ." She cast a dangerous look at the guardians in the hall, specifically the young man she held responsible for denying me food the day before. "Are they treating you okay?"

I shrugged and hid my bruised wrists, preferring not to give her the whole story. Either it would reflect badly on those who were just doing their job or it would just be another admission of how messed up I really was. Truthfully, they were treating me well enough. The most distressing thing was the nightmares and I only had myself to blame for those. "Fine. Nobody's hurting me. Just a lot of questions. So many questions. And my eyes. They keep wanting to examine my eyes."

"But how do you feel? In your mind? In your heart?"

My heart? How could I begin to understand what she was asking for with that? My mind wasn't much better, but at least I could put something into words.

"It's . . . it's hard to describe. It's like I've woken up from a dream. A nightmare. Like I've been watching someone else act through my body – like I was at a movie or a play. But it wasn't someone else. It was me. All of it was me, and now here I am, and the whole world has shifted." I could feel my heart start racing again and the buzzing blackness building in the back of my mind. I tried to calm it with a deep breath and focus on her again. "I feel like I'm relearning everything."

"It'll pass," She smiled and I could see that she truly believed in the impossible. "You'll get more used to it, once you settle back into your old self."

I scoffed but held it under my breath so she didn't hear. Instead, I nodded towards the dozen or so guardians surrounding the cell with her. "They don't think so."

"They will." Another thing she seemed to believe in. I was grateful that her faith was so strong because it would have to be enough for both of us right now. "We just need more time."

For the first time since she had come to see me, she looked hesitant and let the silence extend for a moment or two. Perhaps she wasn't as certain as I had thought. Was she second guessing that I would be okay? Was I okay? If she didn't believe I was then-

"Rose . . . she wants to see you."

"No." My reply was so instantaneous that I think it shocked us both. The thought of seeing her created that same knee-jerk reaction as touching hot coals. Pain. No, not pain – agony. "Anyone but her. I can't see her. Don't let her come here. Please." I could hear the hardness in my voice but I didn't know how to banish it. Whatever I had been worried about before was nothing compared to seeing Rose.

Vasilisa glanced at the others, appearing almost as apprehensive of them as much as she was of me, albeit in a different way. She leaned just a bit closer and lowered her voice. "But . . . she loves you. She's worried about you. What happened . . . with us being able to save you? Well, a lot of it was because of her."

"You saved me." It was her stake. She had been the one to give me that light and hold me when it left. If there was nothing else in this world that I could be absolutely sure of, it was that.

"I only did the final piece. The rest . . . Well, Rose did, um, a lot."

My knees started to feel weak as I thought of everything Rose could have – must have – done for me. She had traveled to Russia to save me. She had put her life on the line to keep our promise and I tortured her. I used her. I fucking abused her for my own selfish amusement and desires. If she had suffered all that for me and still tried to find a way...

I wasn't sure I could stand up much longer as some of the memories started flooding back and my manic pacing did nothing to abate them. Only after a few crazed passes, all while pointedly ignoring Vasilisa's worried looks, did I give up and fall against the wall, sliding down as I tried to force the upsetting images back.

"Anyone but her. Not after what I did to her. I did a lot of things . . . horrible things. What I did to her was worst of all – especially  _because_  it was her. She came to save me from that state, and I . . ." How could I ever make Vasilisa understand without telling her? And I couldn't bear to tell her. If I told her she would never be able to look at me again. "I did terrible things to her. Terrible things to others. I can't face her after that. What I did was unforgivable."

"It's not," I was a wounded animal that she was trying to calm. A dangerous, wounded, trapped animal that was ready to maul at the tiniest provocation. "It wasn't you. Not really. She'll forgive you."

"No." I choked out the word, fisting my own hair and tugging to relieve the pressure in my head. "There's no forgiveness for me – not after what I did. I don't deserve her, don't deserve to even be around her. The only thing I can do . . ." I shifted, kneeling in front of her and holding the bars that separated us because I knew they would tear her away if I reached for her hand. "The only thing I can do – the only redemption I can try for – is to pay you back for saving me."

"Dimitri," she leaned back, unsure of what to make of my proclamation. "I told you –"

I cut her off, pleading for her to understand. "I felt that power. In that moment, I felt you bring my soul back. I felt you heal it. That's a debt I can't ever repay, but I swear I'll spend the rest of my life trying."

"I don't want that. There's nothing to repay."

"There's everything to pay," I gripped the bars tighter, shifting impossibly closer to her. "I owe you my life – my soul. It's the only way I can come close to ever redeeming myself for all the things I did. It's still not enough . . . but it's all I can do." I clasped my hands together outside of the cell, just a few inches from where she stood. "I swear, whatever you need, anything – if it's in my power – I'll do it. I'll serve and protect you for the rest of my life. I'll do whatever you ask. You have my loyalty forever."

She was silent so long that I thought she might reject me completely. "…Will you see Rose?"

"Anything but that." Please. I'd do it if she demanded it but, dear God, I could walk across water easier than I could face Rose. I would rather die for my Princess than stare into Rose's eyes knowing what I had done to her.

"Dimitri..."

My chest started to feel heavy, not only with the fact that I was breathing so fast that I was nearing the point of hyperventilation but also with the weight of saying 'yes'. The word felt bitter on my tongue, perhaps poisonous. Even if I wanted to say agree, just for the Princess's sake, my mouth was so dry that swallowing was impossible. When I started to shake, I knew I had lost the battle with my honor. I couldn't do it, not even for her.

_Disgraceful, weak, horrible excuse of a man. That's all I am._

"Please. I'll do anything else for you, but if I see her . . . it'll hurt too much."

Thankfully, she took pity on me. Whether it was my words or my face that touched her didn't matter because she accepted my desperation. She nodded, looking shocked yet sympathetic to my pleading. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

I bit my lip, unable to give any gesture, even a small or silent one, in response. Something as little as a whisper could break me. She walked away, glancing back at me once or twice, and the moment she was out of view I let my head fall against the bars, letting the cool metal temper the heat in my cheeks and the throbbing at my temples. The shadow of my hair fell across my eyes to allow a modicum of privacy as I shuddered under my cold sweat. It was either that...or the tears. I told myself they were of relief that I wouldn't have to face Rose, but I recognized the pain there too knowing I'd never be able to see her again. I couldn't endure looking at her, and I knew Rose would never be able to see me without seeing the monster I was.

* * *

My mind hadn't stopped its infernal buzzing since the Princess had left. It wasn't as if there was much to listen to down here, but everything around me was still drowned out by the sound of my blood pulsing in my ears and my breathing trying to outpace my heart. There was absolutely no logical reason, but everything combined was actually painful. Physically painful. If I thought it would help, I would've tried to sleep, but I knew that would only make things worse.

Perhaps the lack of sleep on top of everything else was why I didn't believe it when I first heard her voice.

"Dimitri."

My jaw locked and I could feel vibrations through my bones even though I wasn't moving an inch.

_No. It can't be her. It's inside my head. A hallucination because of stress._

"Dimitri," Her voice was clearer this time, more present. I couldn't deny that it was real, as much as I desperately needed her to be my crazed imagination. "It's . . . me."

"No."

"No what?" she asked, and damn it, I could practically hear that smile. "As in, no, it's not me?"

I let out a harsh, frustrated sigh. She had always been so infuriating. "No, as in I don't want to see you. They weren't supposed to let you in."

"Yeah. Well, I kind of found a workaround."

"Of course you did." There was a small part of me that hoped she would go away if I didn't turn around. Who knows, maybe she  _was_  just a hallucination. It wouldn't be the first mental breakdown I had today, apparently. Talking to myself, or myself via some strange and imaginary delusion of her, wouldn't be so crazy considering everything.

"I had to see you. I had to know if you were okay."

"I'm sure Vasilisa's already updated you." Even if she hadn't, I had no doubts that Rose had been in her head at least once while the Princess and I had been speaking.

"I had to see for myself."

"Well, now you see."

"All I see is your back." I could hear the exhaustion in her voice, as well. She might have been tired or maybe simply annoyed that I wasn't giving in. She had come here against my wishes, however, and she knew it. I didn't care if she was irritated with me.

"I don't want you here. I don't want to see you."

If it wasn't for the fact that I hadn't heard any footsteps, I would have almost thought she left. She was quiet for at least a minute. It wasn't just quiet, but completely silent. The sound of total stillness unnerved even me.

"You can't ignore me," she growled, low enough that she wouldn't be overheard by the others around us. "You owe me. I saved you."

"Lissa saved me." The moment I said the words, I could feel the tension drive a wedge between us. I didn't have to look at her to know that whatever she said next wouldn't be kind.

"How do you think she got to that point?" she demanded. "How do you think she learned how to save you? Do you have any idea what we – what I – had to go through to get that information? You think me going to Siberia was crazy? Believe me, you haven't even come close to seeing crazy. You know me. You know what I'm capable of. And I broke my own records this time." Her breathing was rapid and harsh. "You. Owe. Me."

I pushed off the cot and turned without thinking. "Then the best thing I can do is –"

Every single cell in my body was suddenly both alive and ripped to shreds that one moment because for the first time in a long time, I saw  _her_. Strong, determined, whole. She wasn't the glorified sex toy that I had held prisoner until she could barely stand on her own two feet, much less fight in battle. I had almost forgotten how remarkable she really was, and the reminder only made my sins that much appalling.

I took a deep breath forced myself to speak. "Then the best thing I can do is to stay away from you." I knew it was true. I had said it so many times now; to Vasilisa, to myself, and now to Rose. It suddenly hurt more, though. "That's the best way to repay the debt."

"You offered to repay Lissa by staying by her side forever!" I could see her fist clenching at her side, but her voice stayed fairly even.

"I didn't do the things . . ." Memories rushed back again and I didn't know how she could look at me without seeing all the torture I put her through when I constantly saw it, especially as I looked at her now. "I didn't do the things to her that I did to you."

"You weren't you! I don't care."

"How many?" Maybe she could throw her own pain away without a care but what about the deaths of others? What about their pain and suffering? "How many guardians died that night because of what I did?"

"I . . . I think six or seven," she said, lowering her head. Perhaps she would open her eyes and see me as the sick and twisted murderer I was.

"Six or seven," I nodded along, wondering if I'd ever learn the names of those I killed. "Dead in one night. Because of me." Was it even worth counting all the others I had killed on top of that? I don't know if I could even provide an accurate number; I had lost count long ago.

"You didn't act alone!" Her voice cracked. "And I told you: you weren't you. You couldn't control yourself. It doesn't matter to me-"

"It matters to me!" She straightened at the way I yelled at her but didn't shirk back. I bit my lip, adding another line to the growing list of things I had done to her:  _scared Rose by yelling at her when she didn't deserve it._

I lowered my voice and spoke calmly as I continued. "It matters to me. That's what you don't get. You can't understand. You can't understand what it's like knowing what I did. That whole time being Strigoi . . . it's like a dream now, but it's one I remember clearly. There can be no forgiveness for me. And what happened with you? I remember that most of all. Everything I did. Everything I wanted to do."

If the things I had done were bad (and they were horrific) then the things that I had wanted to do were infinitely worse. I thank the stars above that I hadn't done everything I had desired to do to her, even if I held back for reasons that were fairly horrible as well.

"You're not going to do it now so let it go." Her voice became a whisper and in an instant, she went from stubborn to vulnerable. "Before – before everything happened, you said we could be together. That we'd get assignments near each other and –"

"Roza," Her breath caught and I hated the way the way her name slipped so easily off my lips. "do you really think they're going to ever let me be a guardian again? It'll be a miracle if they let me live."

"That's not true." Dear God, that crack in her voice almost broke me and whatever splinterings of a heart that was left in my chest. "Once they realize you've changed and that you're really your old self . . . everything'll go back to how it was."

I dropped my head, shaking it slowly and wishing for her more than myself that those dreams were anywhere within the realm of possibility. "Your optimism . . . your belief that you can make anything happen. Oh, Rose. It's one of the amazing things about you. It's also one of the most infuriating things about you."

"I believed that you could come back from being a Strigoi...maybe my belief in the impossible isn't so crazy after all?"

I had that feeling again. That one that had hit me in the warehouse after Vasilisa had returned my soul and I saw her fighting through the guardians to get to me. It was softer now though; more gentle. It would be so easy to reach out to her and touch her hand. It would be so easy to promise her that it would be okay. That she would be alright. I wanted to tell her not to worry, but I knew it wouldn't be possible for either of us. I didn't have it in me to lie to her. I didn't know what would happen to me. It would be better for her to walk away now before anything else happened.

"I'm grateful for what you did," I cut every ounce of feeling from my voice, treating her like the student and colleague I should have. Perhaps if I had done so back then, maybe neither of us would be here now. "I do owe you. And it's a debt I can't pay. Like I said, the best thing I can do is stay out of your life."

"If you're part of Lissa's, then you can't avoid me."

She was right of course. I would never be able to fully avoid her. She would always be right there in the peripheral of my vision, standing beside me as I offered the Princess my life and loyalty. I'd never be able to free of the haunting ghosts reminding me of what I had done to her. Perhaps that was just part of my penance when it came to her. A personal hell, or at least a hellish purgatory until I was sent to those fiery depths for eternity.

"People can exist around each other without . . . without there being any more than that."

Her eyes flared in anger just moments before she threw herself against the bars. "But I love you! And I know you love me too!" she hissed, and I knew that if she could reach me, she would have been trying to shake me out of whatever misconception she thought I was in. "Do you really think you can spend the rest of your life ignoring that when you're around me?"

When I didn't respond, the fire in her dimmed.

"You love me," she repeated, hoping for a confirmation I think she already knew wouldn't come. "I know you do." Her hand slipped through the bars and I watched how her fingertips stretchered to reach out to me. Even her shadow on the floor wasn't enough to touch me.

Why would she love me when all I had ever done is make her life that much harder? She deserved someone that wouldn't hurt her like I had. "Isn't it true that you're involved with Adrian Ivashkov?"

I must have been a snake, my words a venomous bite, with how quickly her hand recoiled. "Wh-where did you hear that?"

"Things get around." Guardians weren't immune to gossip. When the Queen's nephew takes up with a young guardian (and a trouble making one at that) then it makes for quite the pastime. That gossip became all the more interesting when Vasilisa and I had both spoken of her down here as well.

She eyed the man next to her. "They certainly do."

"So are you?"

Her eyes closed in a pained grimace. "Yes, but –"

"Good. Adrian's a better person than he gets credit for. He'll be good to you." He had his vices, but he had always stuck up for her. I couldn't remember a single time he had ever spoken badly about Rose, no matter how often she had brushed off his advances. And more than once, he had come to me with concern over her. He may not be a saint, but he was far better than I could ever hope to be.

"But –"

"That's where your future is, Rose." My body was starting to tire again and this argument wasn't helping any. I leaned against the wall for some support, though it did nothing for the weariness in my mind. "You don't understand what it's like coming through what I did – coming back from being a Strigoi. It's changed everything. It's not just that what I did to you is unforgivable. All my feelings . . . my emotions . . . they changed."

I could see the slight shake of her head as she protested my words, an argument forming on her tongue. I pushed forward and stood firm.

"I don't feel the way I used to. I might be a dhampir again but after what I went through . . . well, it's scarred me. It altered my soul. I can't love anyone now." The moment I said it, I knew it was true. Not only was I wholly unworthy, but I was so broken that any potential for love was demolished too. I could barely go through the motions and find the energy to make it from one day to the next. Emotions...a connection with someone else? That was more than I could even comprehend. The only thing I felt was empty. "I can't –  _I don't_  – love you. There's nothing more between you and me."

"No! That's not true!" While her words were quiet, they were frenzied. Her face paled and turned the same harsh whiteness of her knuckles gripping the bars. "I love you and you-"

"Guards!" I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't continue speaking to her knowing that no apology would ever be enough so it was useless to even try. I couldn't endure looking at her and seeing every bite and every bruise I had left on her. And I certainly couldn't take watching her now only to see the wild fear in her eyes that I had seen before as I... no.

_No..._

_No!_

"Get her out of here. Get her out of here!"

The guards who had been here before came back immediately, gripping her by the arms so tightly that I knew it would leave marks on her later. She hardly seemed to notice though.

"No, wait –"

The one who had brought her down, a man who I had met only briefly at the Academy name Mikhail, whispered something to her and placed a hand on her back. It was only then that she stopped struggling and left.

I listened for the steel doors to close; first one and then another. All the while I paced back and forth, cursing into the wind.

_Why would they let her in?_

_Why would she come when she knew that I didn't want her here?_

_Why did everything fall apart and what did she do to deserve any of it?_

_Why didn't they just kill me?_

_Why didn't she just kill me?_

_She should have just killed me._

_Why couldn't she have just killed me like she fucking promised!_

I gripped the sink in front of me, looking into the mirror to see tan skin and brown eyes in the reflection, but knowing that just below them hid the red-rimmed irises and a cold, pale, unfeeling body that had murdered so many that I had lost count.

The steel bars rang, walls reverberating as I yelled at the monster in the mirror. I shouted at all that he had done and was still doing to hurt people. I could hear the others rush back to me, but they were safe on the other side of the bars. Safe from me. I continued to roar at the creature as if just that would somehow banish it forever until my voice became harsh and cracked under the effort. Then I just stared at him. He didn't change. He never would.

The final echoes of my fit eventually dissolved into silence and I glanced outside of my small room, only to see the two guardians eyeing me with twin looks of shock. One had pity in his eyes while the other, the one with his hand ghosting over the stake at his hip, held a bit of fear.

"What are you staring at?" My course gravel of my voice felt like sandpaper across my raw throat.

The older, pitying man tapped the younger one on the shoulder, gesturing until they both turned away so I could finally collapse onto the bed. With no true privacy, their lack of blatant gawking would have to do. I was so thoroughly exhausted enough that even my nightmares seemed like a restful reprieve from my reality. So I slept.

* * *

**Thank you for reading.**  
**I've created an Author Page on Facebook that you can find at[Andrea Anderson Writes](https://www.facebook.com/AndreaAndersonWrites/). I'd love to connect with you and create a community there. Not only will I be able to quickly reply to questions and comments, you'll be able to communicate with each other too. It will also be the best place to receive updates on all my current and future stories.**

 


	10. Chapter 10

**GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION OF DOMESTIC ABUSE BELOW. SKIP TO THE FIRST BREAK TO AVOID.**

I was home. The smell of my mother's bread was soothing and the knitted pattern of colorful yarn blankets over the couch was familiar under my touch. I could hear my sisters playing and laughing upstairs and my grandmother rocking in the other room while she listened to her daytime television. Any minute now I would be surrounded by family.

Then there was a man's voice. I recognized it as well. Where my mother meant warmth and comfort, this man was defined by anger and fear. My father. I had banished him. He knew he couldn't return and he held no power in this home anymore. I warned him that the next time he dared to show his face inside these walls I wouldn't hesitate to kill him and I was ready to make good on that promise.

I threw open several doors, seeking out his voice. It only took a few steps upstairs to confirm that he wasn't anywhere near my sisters' bedrooms on the second level so I rushed to my mother's room, bursting in and expecting to see him lording over her like he had so many times before. It was empty, though. Grandmother's room was the same. I crossed the house again, kicking in the door to the bathroom where my mother had once hidden from him – door locked until he burned the wood around the knob – that one day he had been in a particularly bad rage. Empty. The kitchen where he had threatened her with a knife because he was paranoid that she had poisoned his food. Empty. The small dining room that once had a chair broken over the table while my sister hid underneath because she couldn't get upstairs fast enough before he had started flinging threats and insults. All empty.

Still, I could hear his voice. Worse, I could hear my mother's voice underneath his shouting. She was crying out, begging for him to let her go and to not hurt her anymore.

When I entered the living room for the third time, she was there on the floor. My father was nowhere to be seen, but she looked at me with wide eyes. Her hands automatically reached out for me and I rushed over.

And then I picked her up.

"What are you doing!"

She pulled back in fear as I yelled at her, her shoulders curling up and in and her chin tucked low in an attempt to try and make herself smaller. I lifted her higher so that her toes barely brushed against the worn blue carpet.

"Are you trying to fight me? Look at me!" I shook her, gripping her tighter when she struggled and shifted. "Are you lying to me?"

She mumbled something that was completely indistinguishable between her pained squeaks and sobs.

"Useless, pathetic thing." I dropped her, threw her, shoving her back so hard that she hit the small table next to the couch. A lamp crashed and she winced at the sound.

"Oh, now you're just going to break things too! Do you know how much money I send to support you and this family?" She flinched at every gesture I made. "Do you know how hard I work? You stupid woman! You think you can carelessly throw it away?"

"I'm sorry. I promise we're careful. It was an accident. I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

"It better not!" My hand cracked across her face and she fell into the broken glass with a small cry.

I could feel my breath coming in pants as anger continued to swell in me. I watched drops of blood staining the carpet and listened to her pitiful cries. When she finally turned back though, it wasn't my mother.

It was Rose.

* * *

I woke up in a cold sweat, heart racing, her screams and tears still ringing in my ears. The cell seemed to echo with the sounds of my yelling and her crying. The looks of fear, both in Rose and in my mother, were now burned into my eyes and mocked me everytime I tried to close them. Needless to say, I didn't sleep for the rest of the night.

All I did was stare at the ceiling tiles. All I could think about was my father.

Memories of how he had threatened my mother and our family became a soundtrack for the images that flashed through my mind. Bruises on Mama's arms and the long sleeves she would wear, even in the middle of summer, to hide them from us the best she could. I had watched the scars build on her neck over the years, but they had been prominent for even before I knew the implications of them. She always wore her hair down and past her shoulders because of it. I even recalled the few times that I had seen my grandmother help her to bed, dazed and obviously in a delirious state because of his bite, even as she begged for more – that she loved him! – in her endorphin-induced bliss. And there were the times that we helped her because Mama was too sore from his beatings to walk on her own.

I could see Rose suffering all of it because of me. The bruises, the bites, the begging, the beatings. I could see it clearly because I had already put her through it all.

I had always known that there was some part of him in me, but I had always worked to press it far into the recesses of my mind. Even as I was taught to fight, I perfected my self-control so that I limited that horrible beast only to the battlefield and training. I had never thought to strike out against someone in anger, much less against a woman, but I had done just that. Twice.

I had backhanded Vasilisa in that warehouse. It had been easy to do and I could remember doing it just to shut her up. There was no other reason, it was just a convenient way to keep her from talking anymore.

But not only had I slapped Rose, but I had shoved her and called horrible names. I had abused her in every imaginable way...just like my father had done to my mother.

Somehow, at least at this moment, that seemed worse than being Strigoi. Perhaps, I could've almost blamed some of my actions on being a different creature like both Rose and Vasilisa had insisted. But I could clearly see now that my awakening had just allowed me to release what was already there. I was my father's son. I was just like him. I was the same abusive bastard that he was and even with my soul back, nothing could change the blood that ran through my veins.

* * *

They left me with a single guard the next day. I was surprised, but more so by who they left me with rather than the fact that it was only him. I was also a bit worried since he was the one who had brought Rose down last night. Who was to say that he wouldn't betray me again?

"Mikhail." It was a curt acknowledgment, but the most I was willing to give in greeting.

"Guardian Belikov. It's good to see you again."

"I'm not a guardian." He had been the only one to ever call me that since they had apprehended me after the battle and it seemed incredibly condescending rather, all things considered.

"I respect Rose. Rose respects you. Ergo, I respect you as well."

"Neither of you should respect me."

"Well, then maybe you give me hope." He looked at me with a small smile and I didn't have the heart to tell him that it would be better to pray that Sonya was dead rather than hope that he could 'save' her. There was no salvation in this type of existence.

So I said nothing. At least not until the question that had started festering in my mind grew until I couldn't sit still anymore. "Why did you do it? Why did you bring Rose down here?"

"Because she was desperate to see you, Dimitri. Can you imagine how worried she was? Wouldn't you want to see her if things were reversed? If she were in that cell, wouldn't you move heaven and earth to make sure she was okay?"

Again, I stayed silent because I knew, even now, I would. I may not love her, I may not be remotely worthy of loving her, but I would have to make sure she was alright.

"I know that if Sonya came back, I would give up everything to be with her again. Rose..." he gave a long sigh before continuing. "She has given up everything to be with you, Dimitri. I'm not saying this to guilt you into anything, but she deserved to see you for herself."

My foot tapped rapidly against the floor and my knuckles cracked as I clenched them open and closed. "What do you mean, 'she gave up everything.'?"

"I mean that I saw the official paperwork go through yesterday. They are giving Princess Vasilisa permanent guardians and Rose will be demoted to a desk job for at least the next five years after she finishes her week of labor on the grounds. Unless there is a large scale emergency, she won't have a reason to touch her stake for a long time."

My head dipped, falling into my hands.

I ruined her. She worked so hard, and now she was ruined because of me.

The urge to scream – at her, at me, at the universe – bubbled up in my throat again, but even that was halfhearted because it was tempered with the reality that it wouldn't change anything. I would only continue to make her life worse.

As if I couldn't be more selfish, my mind immediately went to the bright spots in the new situation. Mainly, that I wouldn't have to see her day in and day out. If she were stuck with administrative work, she wouldn't be near Vasilisa. And if she wasn't near Vasilisa, she wasn't near me. There was a moment of weakness when I considered breaking my vow to Vasilisa if it allowed Rose to stand guard over her best friend and keep the two of them together, but I knew I couldn't. I owed the princess my life and my existence was meaningless without that promise to protect her. Secretly, there was also a small thought that at least behind a desk Rose would be safe from any more demons like me.

* * *

Eventually, Mikhail left and was replaced by another set of guardians. I had started getting used to the two men that had been watching me most of the time, even if I didn't know their actual names. They had become a fairly solid piece of my life over the past three days. Other random people would replace them when they were off-shift, but they always came back. So having someone other than them come after Mikhail left shifted me off balance a little.

There was, however, a small nagging sense I knew this new red-haired man, but I couldn't place his name. I briefly considered asking him, but it seemed like an empty question when all I really wanted to know was where my usual guardians were. Of course, why I had gone back to two guards when just an hour ago one had apparently been sufficient was also pretty close to my mind. It was hardly my place to comment on the Guardian Council's decisions when it came to keeping me contained, however.

"I have to admit, it was fairly amazing." Their conversation had started before I could understand their words down the hall and it continued as they set up their watch with nothing more than a silent nod of acknowledgement towards me.

"I'd never seen anything like it." The familiar one started laughing.

"From her? I'm not surprised, honestly. Apparently, she was a hell-raiser at school."

I'd be willing to wager money that they were talking about...

"Hathaway? Yeah, those teachers probably deserve a medal." He tapped twice on the bars. "Belikov, you knew her up at St. Vlad's right? Was she as much of a troublemaker as everyone made her out to be?"

I must have stared at him for several seconds, and several seconds longer than I should have, before answering. In my defense, this was the first time that any of the guardians here beyond Hans or Mikhail had actually talked to me.

"Worse." The man with the red hair (why couldn't I remember his name?) seemed to wait for more, but I wasn't inclined to offer anything else. My memories with Rose, especially the ones that were left untainted from our time  _before_ , were precious. I wasn't willing to hand them out to strangers.

"Mmm," the other guy hummed, ignoring me completely and grabbing the attention of his companion. "I bet she was. A firecracker. A bad girl. It makes you wonder, you know?"

His insinuation was thick; as dirty and disgusting as sewage.

"Dude, Henderson...really? I swear you have no shame when it comes to women. She's with Ivashkov."

"How long can that last, really? He's going to toss her aside eventually. Yeah, there's all those stupid rumors about how they ran off to Vegas together, but you know how all those Moroi men are. They get bored eventually, especially the Royals. His daddy will probably set him up with a pretty little Voda or Conta girl in the next month or so. I'll be there to comfort Rose when he does."

I was apparently long forgotten as they continued their conversation, oblivious to my presence or perhaps just disinterested in it.

"Just comfort?"

"If that comfort comes with a comfortable mattress, under some comfortable sheets, without all those uncomfortable clothes...well, who am I to deny her? Tell me you wouldn't do the same, Phillips. Come on, you've seen her."

Phillips. Daniel Phillips. I remembered him now. I had met him about a year ago while I was staying here. We sparred. I won, 2-1. Perhaps it was time for a rematch.

"Everyone's seen her. I've also seen her in the ring and I can tell you right now that she could kick your ass without breaking a sweat."

"So you wouldn't take a chance if she offered?"

There was a long pause. Too long.

"Thought so," Henderson laughed.

Yeah. I'd definitely be up for a rematch.

"Anyone who is willing to stand up in front of a Council Meeting, argue with the political standing of a ruling, and call the Queen a 'sanctimonious bitch' is someone you should probably be more afraid of than aroused by."

Suddenly, the fact that two men were discussing Rose like Neanderthals in the mating season became insignificant. At least in comparison to what they had just said about Rose throwing herself, once more, into the midst of trouble. Whether trouble followed her or she followed trouble was unclear. I think the line completely blurred long ago. What mattered now was that, once again, Rose had apparently gotten herself in the thick of it.

I couldn't ask more questions without drawing attention to myself again, and really I didn't want to join in their rude and almost barbaric discussion of her. I waited with bated breath for more information, any information, about her. Was she okay? What did they do to her? There was a part of me that wondered if the Council's ruling had something to do with me and my incarceration and that was why she had been so passionate and heated in her fight, but if it had been...well, that didn't bode well for me.

Why was it then, instead of praying for me and my future...I was praying for hers?

* * *

I could hear the commotion growing late into the night. Dawn would be breaking in less than an hour, but rather than the Court becoming quiet as people retired to their homes, it seemed like there was electricity buzzing in the air. Something was happening. Or something was about to happen. I just wasn't sure what.

As much as I had appreciated my solitude before, not being able to get information when I wanted it was frustrating as hell. I could hear the crackle of Henderson's radio every so often, but it wasn't clear enough for me to make anything out. Even he had to ask for clarification occasionally. I guess the subterranean concrete bunker was great for incarceration but didn't help communications much.

Whatever was going on obviously didn't concern me. Most things didn't unless they were limited to this cell or, at the very most, the walls of the prison.

So imagine my surprise my surprise when Hans came down once more, cuffs at the ready, and smiled.

"Ready to see the sun?"

* * *

**Thank you for reading! Be sure to check out my Author's page on Facebook (link in my bio)**

**Some of you have mentioned missing my A/Ns so I'm considering bringing them back. Let me know in the comments if you enjoy them or if you find them annoying. Another option (and one that I'm seriously considering) is doing bringing chapter commentary on the stories over to the Facebook page so that I can make it an actual discussion with you guys!**

**Also, next weeks posting will be on Monday night. I'm going to a concert on Sunday evening with the hubs.**


	11. Chapter 11

"Ready to see the sun?"

While Hans could be considered a man of good-humor, I would hardly call him a humorous man. He didn't joke or take things lightly. So when he said I was going to see the sun, he meant it literally.

Still, I didn't believe it. The idea seemed ludicrous after being here for what felt like an eternity. "Really?"

"Yep. Really." He opened his handcuffs, letting them jangle against one another a bit. "You'll still need these, though."

"Naturally." I'd probably be shackled again too. The shackles were so much more annoying than the cuffs.

"Now, I want you to understand what's going to happen. You've answered all these questions before, but we want the public to see you answer them. We want them to see for themselves. We want them to see you and see that you aren't a threat, okay?" He clicked the cuff closed, tight but not so much that it pressed against the bones of my wrists. "If this goes smoothly, we might be able to get you out of here for good, okay?"

I nodded, unable to process much more than the idea that I might actually walk out of this a free man somehow.

"No surprises?" He waited for my guarantee.

"No surprises."

Looking pleased Hans, Henderson, Phillips, and the two guardians who had come down with him (the ones I had been waiting for earlier) walked me up the stairs and through the doors.

It wasn't hard to see where we were heading. A crowd had already gathered near the church a short distance away. For a moment I had the feeling of an animal being brought out to put on a show for their entertainment. The memories of Yeva telling stories about the old dancing bears she once saw as a child immediately came to mind. As she used to tell it, the bears weren't revered because of their majesty or talent, but because they had been degraded, abused, and so-called "tamed" until their embarrassment gave others pleasure as they performed to the handler's music.

Or perhaps I was a man being brought out for execution. Executions used to be high entertainment for the masses at one point, too. Gladiators in the Colosseum, criminals at the gallows – entertainment and execution always had a fine line between them. Even now, modern movies often paraded death, especially the death of a villain, for our amusement.

With Vasilisa there, I worried less. She stood in the middle of the crowd, standing out like a candle in the darkness. She would be my advocate, it seemed, and that fact alone boosted my confidence.

There was also a table with three seats. One was filled with a man I had never seen before. He was Moroi and appeared to be bored with the whole idea of this event. Perhaps he couldn't care less, or perhaps he had already made up his mind about me and nothing I could say would sway his opinion.

The third was familiar. Reece Tarus. I was surprised that he had been assigned to assess me. He shuffled the paperwork before setting it up on the clipboard, then proceeded to click his pen over and over until Hans sat down on the other side of him, jumping slightly as the man settled in.

Seeing Hans take the third seat increased my chances of passing this test significantly higher. He had made his opinion fairly clear over the past few days and as long as I could give the first Moroi a reason to believe me, I felt I could finally be free of my cell.

The session of sorts started fairly quickly, with many of the same questions that I had heard over and over being asked again. Fangs? No. Cravings for blood? No. And of course, my eyes. Always my eyes.

"Do you find the sun blinding?" asked Reece. Seeing him there, acting like it was nothing that I was standing trial in front of him, was infuriating.

"No."

"What if you stare into the sun?"

These questions were getting more and more insane by the moment. I didn't know if he was just trying to delay things or find any possible reason to keep me locked in that cell forever. "Anyone would go blind staring into the sun long enough," I replied, hoping that my exasperation somehow managed to stay out of my tone. "I'd go through what anyone else here would."

Hans sent me a warning glare, but it was nothing compared to the look Reece gave me. He didn't seem to like my answer, but there was no way to contradict me. He pursed his lips and looked over the papers again.

"Does it scald your skin?"

I was currently standing...in the sun...in front of everyone. "Not at the moment."

It looked like Hans was starting to agree and empathize with my annoyance as he rubbed his brow. I could barely make out the way he rolled his eyes.

I felt Vasilisa shift slightly beside me. I was about to apologize to her for being brash about the whole situation when I saw her eyes slyly shifting back and forth into the crowd. I don't think she intended me to see the gesture, but it seemed she couldn't help herself. Whatever, whoever was there was making her nervous. I followed her gaze and saw Rose standing off to the side, quietly watching me like everyone else.

The princess had every right to be nervous by her presence. It instantly set me on edge as well. Especially the way she was looking at me now. Arms crossed with that crooked smirk on her lips; it was hard to tell if she had come to support me despite the stupidity of the questions being offered, or if she was simply waiting patiently for her own moment to publicly destroy me.

"Have you noticed whether your eyes occasionally turn red?"

"I . . ." I almost didn't hear the question with how focused I was on Rose. Some part of me knew that I'd have a hard time avoiding her completely – something she had stated herself last night – but it would be so much more difficult if she distracted me every time she was nearby. Shaking myself out of her spell, I turned to face the panel again. "I haven't been around many mirrors. But I think my guards would have noticed, and none of them have said anything."

I heard someone laugh and try to quickly disguise it as a cough. I knew Rose's familiar laugh and this certainly wasn't it, but the fact that it came from her general direction made me glance over in worry. Phillips stood just a foot or so away from her, his lips forced into a tight line. Rose smiled over at him until he gained control of himself. The look they shared afterward made something twist inside me. I didn't like them so close, especially after what I had heard earlier. He hadn't been nearly as crude as Henderson, but the fact that he had allowed Henderson to speak about her like that at all made me question his integrity.

Reece cleared his throat to gain everyone's attention again. "Mr. Belikov," the way he emphasized my title was a thin-masked jab towards me, "would you be able to step inside holy ground? The church perhaps?"

"I can go right now," I assured him, not breaking eye contact. "I'll go to services tomorrow if you want."

Reece made another note, not willing to look at me again once he was done.

"Fine then. Tell us about this," he waved his hands around, "fantastic and mystical transformation you apparently had. You say Princess Dragomir can somehow heal the dead?"

"Yes," Vasilisa spoke before I did. "I don't understand it fully myself – Spirit is still something we are learning about – but it has been recorded for quite some time that Spirit users are able to heal. Rose Hathaway was the first person I healed with Spirit and after further study, we learned that a connection was formed similarly to that between St. Vladimir and his guardian Anna. I've been able to heal minor injuries as well, but it was nothing compared to bringing Rose back from death.

"Dimitri's case was obviously different. I didn't just have to bring him back from death; his soul had to be healed as well. Through some study, we learned that a Spirit charmed stake would be needed to do so. I learned how to stake him so that I could perform the healing."

"You learned how to stake a Strigoi? Was Guardian Hathaway the one who taught you how to do this?" I could see the same spark in Reece's eye that I had seen in Dr. Reagan's when he thought he found a rope to pull and unravel everything.

"No," she said sharply. "Guardian Grant Hayashi taught me before he died protecting me. It was also his stake that I used."

I didn't recognize the name, but I did have a clear picture of the young man who had stepped in front of Vasilisa before being killed on my order. I gave a silent apology to him, and there was a surprising sense of gratitude for his sacrifice and faith in Vasilisa's cause that caught me by surprise.

I watched in awe she described everything (thankfully leaving out my abuse of her while I held her prisoner) and relieved everything again.

"I felt the moment his soul was healed. I have felt darkness and evil before, it's an unfortunate side effect of my element, but it vanished in a single moment once the stake hit his heart. I can't tell you why there was light or anything beyond what I'm typically used to when I perform a healing, but I can tell you that I have never felt a healing stronger. There's a certain sensation with healing, and this felt like pure joy. Almost heavenly."

I felt a moment of that peace, that warmth, and that light she had brought me.

"Perhaps the light was just because so much energy was needed," she concluded.

There was a quiet moment while people listened to her story and then Hans looked towards me. "Mr. Belikov?"

"What she says is true. I felt that peace and warmth once the stake hit me. There was pain one moment and the next was..." the right word alluded me, "everything was right again."

"Just like that?"

"Mostly," I admitted. "It's difficult knowing what horrors I've committed. However, that doesn't change the fact that Princess Vasilisa had done the impossible."

"If anything, it should help confirm it," she added. "Strigoi don't feel remorse as far as we know. Dimitri has certainly shone regret over the actions he couldn't control."

"As far as I'm concerned, there is very little to be gleaned from this apparent 'miracle'. As the Princess stated before, her healing with Hathaway had some lasting effects. Who's to say that Belikov won't have similar issues." Of course, Lord Tarus would have doubts. I would too in his position. Especially when so much was on the line for him.

"Guardian Hathaway's unique abilities have made her a valuable asset several times. If there are any effects that come from Mr. Belikov's restoration – and there are none that we know of, correct Dimitri?"

I nodded, grateful that Hans was advocating for me.

"As I was saying, if there  _were_ any they could prove to be beneficial. If they pose a danger, then we could reevaluate what needs to be done."

"Fine," Reece said, dropping his clipboard and pen a bit too forcefully onto the table. "I have no other questions. Guardian Croft?"

Instead of asking me anything, Hans stood, walked around the table, and approached me. I felt Vasilisa tense slightly as he reached for his stake, but when he held it out to me she relaxed. Everyone else seemed instantly on edge though. A few other guardian's let their hands hover over their own stakes, just in case.

"Touch the stake, Dimitri."

I didn't hesitate to place my hand over the blunt end of the handle. The cool silver felt odd, but only in that it was both familiar and somehow foreign underneath my palm. A moment or two later, I pulled back and offered my forearm to him.

"Cut me with it."

We had promised one another no surprises and this obviously seemed to cross the line for him. He looked hesitant. "Cutting you with this will hurt no matter what you are."

"It would be unbearable if I were a Strigoi," I pointed out. I wasn't backing down from this.

Hans still didn't look convinced, though. Even though I'm sure he knew he couldn't walk away from wounding me, not after I had suggested it, he still didn't look willing to go through with it.

"Do it," I urged. "Don't go easy on me."

Hans didn't react at first. I thought for a moment that I might need to take the stake and cut myself. Eventually, decision flickered in his eyes and he swiped across my arm. The action was fast enough that I couldn't react and pull away on instinct, which I was grateful for. Any evasion on my part could make me appear guilty.

I grit my teeth and watched the blood pool against my skin. A streak of it rolled down, dripping into the grass while several people around us gasped. I took it all in, though. The pain of that stake was nothing like I had felt Rose's before. This hurt, but it wasn't the unbearable pain that she had caused. This was a release, a relief, and feeling the pain made me feel truly alive again.

I barely saw Vasilisa's hand reach for me when Hans blocked her, knowing what she was intending. He had seen her healing abilities first hand and didn't question them.

"Wait," said Hans. "A Strigoi would heal from this in minutes."

I shot him a grateful look and he gave a small nod of acknowledgment. I bled for several more minutes before the princess was allowed to mend the cut. Once the actual gash was gone, I used the bottom of my shirt to wipe the last of the blood from my arm and showed the healed flesh to the crowd so they could see her abilities.

Reece hushed the crowd after a moment and then called out over them. "Does anyone have any questions to add to ours?"

I thought that would be the end of it. Nobody spoke for so long that I could see Hans prepare to end this show, but then I heard her voice.

"I do."

Two people (Hans and I) let out a quiet curse. From slightly further away, I clearly heard Reece mumble, "Not again."

She continued without acknowledging our displeasure. "When you used to be Strigoi you were very well connected. You knew about the whereabouts of lots of Strigoi in Russia and the U.S., right?"

I eyed her carefully. She knew more than enough to turn this case one way or the other and I wasn't sure what her intentions were at this point. "Yes."

"Do you still know them?"

"Yes. So long as none of them have moved."

By now, it was all or nothing. I had to choose if I trusted Rose. My body tensed at the thought, but there was something deep inside me whispering that she would never betray me.

"Would you share that information with the guardians?" She asked, her grin getting just a little bit more pronounced as she recognized my faith in her. "Would you tell us all the Strigoi hideouts so that we could strike out against them?"

I remembered why I had been so desperate to keep her, to awaken her. It wasn't just my obsession with Rose, it was also the fact that we understood one another. She had been, and apparently still was, my ally. I had fought for her and she fought for me. We had fought together, side by side. I gave a slight nod of understanding, grateful that she was not only offering proof that I was no longer Strigoi, but proof that I could be an advantage against them.

"Yes," my voice came strong and loud. "I can tell you everything I know about Strigoi plans and locations. I'd face them with you or stay behind – whichever you wanted."

Hans looked between us, eager with the news and possibility. "That could be invaluable."

"Now hold on," Reece cut in over the growing chaos. Of course, he would protest using my knowledge. "That has never been a tactic we endorse. Besides, he could always lie –"

A woman screamed. All the guardians (and myself) instantly braced ourselves for action. My hand even flicked to my hip but got caught with the cuffs.

Instead of an attack though, it was a small Moroi boy of about six. He had broken from the crowd and was just about to pass Rose when she grabbed him and tucked him into her body. The frightened woman followed right behind him.

"I have questions," the boy bounced on his toes, looking at Rose for permission while his mother tried to grab him and pull him away.

"Hang on a sec. I won't let anything happen to him," she promised the mother before kneeling down and smiling at the little boy. "What do you want to ask? Go ahead."

"This is ridic –" Reece started to protest but was cut off by the child.

"If you're Strigoi, then why don't you have horns? My friend Jeffrey said Strigoi have horns."

I glanced at Rose and saw her raise a brow. Or try to. She still failed horribly at it but her grin was telling enough. Looking back at the little boy, I told him, "Strigoi don't have horns. And even if they did, it wouldn't matter because I'm not Strigoi."

"Strigoi have red eyes," she spoke in a dramatic hush. "Do his eyes look red?"

The boy leaned forward and squinted. "No. They're brown."

"What else do you know about Strigoi?"

"They have fangs like us," the boy replied, eyes bright as he found another answer for her.

Rose looked at me and asked in an overly sweet voice, "Do you have fangs?"

Even after being asked over a dozen times, it felt so much more innocent coming from the eyes of a child. I couldn't help but smile, showing him every fang-free tooth just to prove my point.

"Okay, Jonathan," the boy's mother started to tug at his shirt. "You asked. Let's go now."

"Strigoi are super strong," continued Jonathan, planting his feet into the grass. "Nothing can hurt them. Are you super strong? Can you be hurt?"

"Of course I can," I replied. "I'm strong, but all sorts of things can still hurt me." If only pain was limited to the physical.

Rose laughed, "You should go punch him and find out." I'm sure she didn't mean it literally, but she also didn't grow up caring for many children younger than herself. She didn't know that a six-year-old took that as an actual invitation.

She quickly learned her lesson as the boy broke free of his mother and ran past her.

"Oh! Shit!" Rose never had the habit of cursing under her breath. It was loud and clear to anyone around her as she tried to grab the boy and missed. He ran up to me and punched my knee. I fell back, rolling to the side a little to catch myself and clutched my leg in mock pain. It was adorable to see the pride in his eyes as he watched me 'endure' his 'brutal attack.' By his age, most novices were fully aware of how to give and receive a proper punch, but this little kid was still so innocent. He was still allowed to enjoy his childhood without worry.

Many people laughed, even while Phillips swept the boy in his arms to return the boy to his now hysterical mother. He tapped Rose's shoe with his own as he passed her and they exchanged another grin. My attention was diverted again from whatever was happening between them when I heard the boy shout above the crowd, "He doesn't seem very strong to me. I don't think he's a Strigoi," which started another round of laughter.

It was good to see her smile. I had to admit at least that much. I had seen Rose angry and heartbroken because of me. I had seen her strong and confident and sly to help me. At my worse, I had seen her broken and reduced to nothing and then watched her rise again. But seeing her happy – seeing her smile – even if it was because I had fallen over to make a child laugh...well, it was amazing. I watched her laugh but looked away before she could catch me staring. I had no right to watch her joy when I had caused her all that pain. That's when I saw the third man on the panel, the Moroi that I knew this was all resting on, laugh. He had been swayed.

"I've seen all I need to. I don't think he should walk around unguarded, but he's no Strigoi. Give him a real place to stay and just keep guards on him until further decisions are made."

Reece shot up. "But –"

He waved Reece off. "Don't waste any more time. It's hot, and I want to go to bed. I'm not saying I understand what happened, but this is the least of our problems right now, not with half the Council wanting to rip the other half's heads off over the age decree. If anything, what we've seen today is a good thing – miraculous, even. It could alter the way we've lived. I'll report back to Her Majesty." One of the other guardians helped me up from the ground as Hans pulled out the key to the cuffs. I held out my hands, eager to get them off once and for all.

"So, we're going to have a few guardians with you at all times, at least for the time being." He eyed me with a sidelong glance.

"Just pretend you're a Royal," Vasilisa laughed.

I laughed too until I saw Phillips walking over.

"You'll probably have a bigger protection detail, though. Good to see you again, Dimitri." He held out his hand as if he hadn't been standing outside my cell just an hour ago, barely acknowledging me.

I hesitantly took it. "Nice to see you too, Daniel."

Over his shoulder I saw Rose walking up to us, suddenly chilling the blood in my veins. Vasilisa touched my arm, taking a step between us before Rose glared at her.

"The hell I will," she growled before turning her anger on me. "I just furthered your case."

"We were doing fine without you." I watched as the others tried to catch up to the unusual conversation opening, but I was familiar enough with them talking back and forth through the bond to jump in.

"Oh yeah?" she said sardonically, hand on her hip. "You seemed pretty grateful a couple minutes ago when I thought up the idea of you helping us against Strigoi."

She was right, of course. I was extremely grateful, but it was just another item on the list of things I had to thank her for. I'd never be able to thank her for all of them and I'd never be able to repent of all my crimes against her. It hurt to even think about. I looked towards the princess for aid.

"I don't want to see her."

"You have to!" She shouted, making several people turn and Phillips move forward to step in if needed. "You can't ignore me."

"Make her go away," I could feel the buzzing again. I didn't want to break down here. Not in front of her. Not in the open where I'd be a spectacle for anyone passing by. I tried to ground myself, but I felt myself slipping further with every moment.

"I'm not –" And then she was quiet. I knew what was happening; Vasilisa was speaking to her within the privacy of her mind. Whatever she was telling her seemed to infuriate her more, but she still didn't make a move towards me again so I took a breath and felt some of the pressure in my mind dissipate.

Her eyes flicked between us, her jaw tensing and fists clenching until she finally settled on my face. I watched the little signs of hurt and anger in her expression as they shifted back and forth. They were so small I doubted anyone else, save for maybe the princess, would have been able to tell. I could, though. I could almost guess every word that Vasilisa was saying just based on those little emotions and how her lips would occasionally start to form some reply. Eventually, she just stilled and looked crestfallen. Powerless. I lowered my gaze but could see when she wiped at her eyes before she turned, hair flipping over her shoulder, and walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another big scene that we've all been waiting for. I hope that it lived up to what you envisioned.
> 
> I want to say thank you to everyone who has been joining me on the Facebook Page. It's been a pleasure to chat with you and share a little of my life. If you want to join the group over there, check out the link on my bio. This week I'm going to be sharing a few secrets and stories about writing these books. I'd love to have you join the conversation.
> 
> Many people asked for the weekly questions to come back! So here's the first one (halfway through the book lol): What was the first book that made you cry? For me, it was Where the Red Fern Grows. Or Bridge to Terabithia. I can't remember. I read both when I was about 8 and the fact that not everything has a "happily ever after" killed me. But, looking back, I realized that sometimes that's the best choice because that's reality. If you've read a few of my one-shots, you'll see I've done this to a certain extent.
> 
> Can't wait to hear your answers. Remember to share, fav, and follow!


	12. Chapter 12

I was placed in the heart of the Guardian Housing. It wasn't nearly as isolated as the prison cell had been, but it was arguably more secure. If I decided to go on a rampage for some reason, then my new neighbors that surrounded the apartment would be more than enough to take me out.

The room was also significantly more comfortable. A full, unbarred window looking over the small courtyard, a dresser that promised more than one shirt eventually, and a bed that could  _actually_  fit me comfortably were just some of the many amenities of my new home. It even had the bathroom separated from the main room, which was a luxury I'd never take for granted again. Even though the room was spartan by many people's standards, with its plain beige walls and dusty plastic blinds, it was still more comfort and color than I had seen in days. The carpet was almost dizzying in its multicolored pattern after being subjected to nothing more than white and grey for so long.

I was given five official guardians to "protect" me, or "protect others from me" rather. Earl Adams and Curtis Langley (the older and younger guardians, respectively, who had been so consistently outside my cell over the past few days), Bryce Hunter, Daphnée Monet, and (of course) Daniel Phillips. It seemed like he would be an unfortunate fixture in my life, at least for a little while longer.

"We'll be switching out with others occasionally," Guardian Hunter assured me as I set my only possession, the book Hans had given me, on the dresser, "but for the most part, it will be just us five. Like I said on the way over, we don't all need to be here when you're staying in the apartment. Maybe just one or two to keep an eye on things. However, whenever you want to go out and about, all five of us need to be there."

"Where am I allowed? Anywhere?"

Adams and Langley shared a look that didn't show one hundred percent confidence in me before Earl answered, "Perhaps we should exclude some of the more high traffic areas until things have settled down. We wouldn't want any stressful situations that might cause issues." The look he gave me, and the slight emphasis on the last word, spoke volumes. Those two had witnessed my breakdowns firsthand, and all three of us knew it would be best to avoid those going forth, especially in public.

Phillips chimed in. "I know you're going to need to grab some essentials here soon. Clothes and things like that. Princess Dragomir offered a stipend for that. The cafeteria wouldn't be a bad place either, or one of the lounges. I'm sure there are people there who you'd know and who'd like to see you again."

Yeah...I was sure there were people who knew the guardians I had killed too...

"OR!" he slapped the counter in front of him suddenly, making me jump. "Or the gym would be good too!"

"Yeah," I tried not to show my own excitement, hoping to play my cards close to my chest when it came to his enthusiastic suggestion since it would probably earn him a few bruises in the coming days. "I wouldn't mind some sparring." Especially against Phillips.

"Either way, you are welcome to come and go as you please, Dimitri." Monet's voice, with a French accent that made her seem aristocratic, was light, but her eyes were too heavy - as if she had seen too much. I didn't miss the way she looked at me, either. I had the distinct feeling that some of the evil she had seen was due to my own actions. "You may also have guests. Just let us know what you'd like to do so we can plan accordingly." She turned towards the door, as did Adams and Langley. "Unless you'd like to leave immediately, I'd like to get in a bit of rest before my shift tonight."

I shook my head, even though she was already halfway down the hall. Beyond Monet's not-so-subtle loathing of me, everyone seemed to be treating me be fairly well thus far. Even she was treating me with courtesy, though it was probably only dictated by her professionalism. Having my own personal escort wasn't ideal, but it was certainly better than the alternative.

How I had ended up here, rather than tried and killed, was baffling. I couldn't even begin to comprehend what had happened with Vasilisa and my restoration – it was miraculous and perhaps beyond any real understanding – but somehow being able to walk a free man? After everything? Despite my show of confidence in front of that crowd, it was still illogical in my mind.

Too illogical. Maybe wrong. Maybe I didn't belong out here after all. Maybe I should go back. What if the only thing that kept me from becoming that monster again was that tiny cell they used to keep me tucked away? Even if it had been confining, it had been safe. It had been a refuge of sorts; an assurance that nobody else would suffer because of me.

I had filled every last crevice of that prison with silent confessions of my crimes, knowing that they could be held between the cinderblock walls and steel bars. This thin wooden door wouldn't do the same. If that...thing...returned, there would be nothing to hold him back.

An apple flew my direction and my hand snapped up to catch it just before it hit my chest.

"I see your reflexes aren't worse for wear. Nice catch." Phillips flopped onto the couch across from me, putting his feet up and biting into his own apple with a crunch. Bryce was at the refrigerator, breaking the seal on a new jug of milk and raised it towards me in an offer. Apparently, some things, like the small refrigerator here, had already been stocked.

I waved him off before answering Phillips. "No, pretty much everything's the same as it once was." Physically, at least. "That's not to say that I'm used to it all quite yet." I rubbed the apple's skin where the orange-red faded into a light gold and wondered for a moment what it would look like with the sight I had before. Not that I had appreciated these types of things back then.

"So she really healed you then? The princess?"

"Yes," I huffed, almost amused and slightly annoyed. I had a feeling this question would follow me around forever. "Apparently she did."

"I'm more curious about whatever the hell that argument was between her and Rose earlier. Seriously. Either that was the most intense staring contest ever, or there's something more going on." Phillips laughed at his own joke but still seemed eager for my response.

"It's part of their bond. Rose is shadow-kissed – she died in the car accident that killed the Dragomir family and Vasilisa revived her. Ever since then, she can speak to her telepathically."

"They can speak to each other in their minds? That has to be pretty cool."

It was obvious that Phillips was younger than myself, but I was starting to think that he might be only a year or two older than Rose. His youth was apparent, bordering on irritating, despite whatever his actual age was. "It only works one way. Vasilisa can speak and Rose can hear her, but Rose has to reply vocally. Rose can also see what she sees and can sense where she is."

"That would be so useful for a guardian," Hunter laughed, shaking his head. "I had this one family once, and I swear their kid made it his mission to try to get lost in any crowd he could. Of course, it was always my fault when he wandered off."

Phillips nodded with a dramatic sigh. "Always our fault. Right, Dimitri?"

"Yeah," I twisted my hands together uncomfortably. I had seen children lured away from their families before by men at my Estate. Even if I wasn't leading it anymore, I still felt the need to take some ownership for what was likely still happening there. Not only had I done horrible things, but I had enabled – no, encouraged – others to do the same. "It's always our fault."

* * *

The princess visited that same day, assuring my guards that they weren't needed for our conversation. They weren't eager to give in to her request, but she was able to persuade them to wait just outside the door. Something told me it wasn't just her reasoning skills that won them over. There was something in her tone and a look in her eyes that was all too familiar to me.

As soon as the door shut, I confirmed my suspicion. "Compulsion?"

"Just a little," She looked a bit ashamed at being caught. "I needed to talk to you alone."

"Are you okay?" In the blink of an eye, I was concerned about her more than anything else. "What happened? What can I do? What do you need?"

"Dimitri! It's nothing like that." Her hand against mine, along with her firm words, stopped me in my tracks.

"Then..."

"I need you need to talk to Rose."

Her hand was no longer a reassurance. "No. I told you, I can't -"

"You can!"

"No!"

"Shhh!" She looked at the door and I counted to ten, breathing deeply in and out, before speaking again.

Calmly, quietly, firmly, I told her, "I don't want to talk to her."

"I know you don't, and I've tried to be supportive of that, but you're driving a wedge between us. Can't you see that?! I can't even talk to her because I'm trying to help you and she, ugh, she's just so..."

I waited for her to continue, but it seemed no words would do her thoughts justice. Her frustration faded, leaving only sadness, worry, and maybe a little helplessness.

"I don't know what to do, Dimitri. I really don't. I don't know if things will be fixed between Rose and me until things are fixed between you two. If they aren't, then I don't know what happens. I can't abandon you, but I can't abandon her either. I'm being pulled in too many directions and I'm going to be forced to choose soon. I can't lose her. I can't leave you but I can't lose her." The battle to keep her emotions in check was quickly failing as her words ran together. "It's going to be hard if you two can't stand to be in the same room together. Please, for my sake… will you at least try to talk to her? She really did so much to bring you back. She was the one who believed all this was possible. None of it would have happened without her. I only helped initially because I knew how much you meant to her. What you still mean to her."

I hated the fact that this was hurting Vasilisa. Even more so when I knew it was hurting both Vasilisa  _and_  Rose. "What am I supposed to tell her? I'm sorry? That isn't enough. It will never be enough."

Her eyes stared at me; around me. The sense that she was looking directly into me was unnerving. When she finally spoke, she seemed both confused and concerned. "What actually happened between you two?"

"She never told you?" Rose had confided in me once that she'd kept some secrets from Vasilisa. She had always insisted that it was to protect her. Maybe she had done so again. Perhaps she didn't want the princess to worry about her. Perhaps she felt ashamed. There were many reasons why she could have kept those couple of weeks a secret, but I was still somewhat surprised by the news.

Vasilisa sighed, "Well, she told me some things, but I don't think she told me everything. I know you kept her inside that building and I know you, um," she faltered a second before continuing, "I know that you bit her quite a bit. She also told me how she escaped and about what happened on the bridge." There was a moment where she looked almost heartbroken. "So, yes, I do know what happened, but only what she told me on that first day. And she only talked to me. I don't think she told Adrian or the others anything at all. I thought talking to me would help, and I think it did for a little while, but she starting acting strange a few days later. We didn't know if she was bottling things up, or if it was maybe spirit darkness affecting her, I even wondered if she was going through some endorphin withdrawals." The thought horrified me. "Adrian and I kept trying to get her to open up. We hoped that might help things. Even Christian tried once or twice. We all stopped the day Adrian pushed her too far and she hit him. We didn't see her for several days after that."

"She hit him?" Rose had a short temper, but I couldn't imagine her striking someone – especially a Moroi.

"She did. It wasn't very hard or anything. She slapped him across the face and I think it was more of a shock than anything else. Honestly, he kind of deserved it. He said some things that crossed the line," her eyes shifted out of focus as she went back to the memory, "some horrible things. He usually was the one that was the most supportive. He's the one that kept encouraging us to talk to her and be there for her. Occasionally, he told us just to let it go. Either way, he was always the first one to help her when she did break down, but something in them both snapped that day."

"He was right."

"Who was right? Adrian?"

"Yes. Whatever he said, I can almost guarantee that it happened."

She looked ill at ease. "We all know you bit her Dimitri. Not just me. The scars are fading a little, but she wouldn't let me heal them completely. And I know that you were… violent. But Rose is strong. You two trained for months and I saw the way she fought in Las Vegas. She was able to hold her own against you. I'm sure that you hurt her here and there, but she made it home alive. For what it's worth, you did too eventually."

The word 'alive' seemed too simple for what I was right now.

"She might have made it home alive," I said, "but I tried everything in my power to keep that from happening. I tried so many things to awaken her. I threatened her, bribed her, and when she refused all that, I promised to kill her. She did fight me at first, but I eventually bit her so much that any 'fight' between us was me beating her until she submitted. I manipulated her, making her dependent on me for everything. I locked her away, dictating what she ate, what she wore, even when she was allowed to sleep. I was the only contact she had with the outside world."

I could see the barely masked horror starting to build in Vasilisa's eyes. I pressed on despite it. "It would have been easier now, I guess if she had hated me for it back then..." It would be easier if she hated me for it  _now_. "... but I made her like it. I made her look forward to every time she saw me, even if it meant more pain and angry words. I bought her with little gifts stolen off of people I had killed. Or I held out on a bite until she was literally begging for an endorphin high. Or I'd..."

"I can't -"

"No, I need you to understand, Princess. I need you to know why I can't apologize. Why nothing I could say would make up for the horrible things I did to her. You have to understand why I can't see her, or be in the same room as her, or even bear to think of her now."

"Adrian said...he suggested that..." She brushed her pinky across her lips, biting at the nail for a moment. I could see the struggle in her eyes; the one that suggested 'if I don't say it, it won't be true.' I wouldn't offer her an out though. I wanted her to ask the question and know for herself what atrocities I had committed not only to humanity as a whole, but to her best friend specifically. "He said that she was your bloodwhore. Your 'willing' bloodwhore. Did you..."

"I might as well have," I answered, cutting her off quickly. "It was just another way to manipulate her in my mind. A reward or punishment to get her to bend to my will."

By now, Vasilisa was beyond pretending that my admission wasn't affecting her.

"Do you understand now?" I watched as she outright chewed at her thumbnail in distress. All I wanted was for her to look at me and see me for what I truly was. I kept expecting, and maybe even hoping, that she would eventually say that I was unworthy of the new life she had given me. I was also terrified that she would do so and decide to leave me.

She nodded, unable to meet my eyes. "She still loves you, you know. She told me. She didn't tell me all that, but she told me she still loves you."

"I don't love her."

She finally looked up, not at me but around me. She was studying me again, like Adrian had on occasion before I had turned. She must have learned to read auras finally. Rose had mentioned her trying once or twice in our trainings, but had always said that she still had trouble back then. Apparently, that was a thing of the past, like so many other things.

"I think you're right." She wiped away a tear, quickly masking the movement by shifting her hair over her shoulder. "There's so much darkness around you, and where it's not dark there's only this pale, barely discernible grey. It's so thin, it's almost like it isn't there." She paused, studying me for a minute longer. "I don't think you feel anything, do you?"

It felt raw to have someone else acknowledge it.

"No. I don't. I can't."

"Or maybe you just won't." She reached for my hand again, her thumb rubbing the thick heel of my palm. A familiar warmth settled through me, a calmness and lightness in my chest. "I think you're capable of much more than you give yourself credit for, Dimitri. Maybe you're just holding yourself back at this point."

* * *

The five-man team led me back towards the Court's prison. My heart beat faster with every step until I felt like it was going to leap from my chest, but Adams assured me that it was just for my meeting with council representatives. Logically, I knew it was only about the promise I had made earlier to them in locating Strigoi strongholds, but that didn't keep the anxiety away. The moment we walked through those doors, I started rubbing at my wrists and the phantom pain that had instantly appeared. The cell, and those cuffs, had both left their mark.

Matters weren't helped any when we stopped at the door to the same room I had met Dr. Reagan in. I braced myself before walking into the blinding fluorescent light and saw the same metal table, the same metal chairs, and all the same bolts that were made to contain me. Instead of the 'good doctor' though, the firm face of Hans regarded me from the other side of the room.

"Please, sit." There was another recording device, almost the same model that I had seen the last time I was here. "We'll get started. Do you need water or anything?"

I declined silently, still trying to focus on the task at hand. Taking the chair across from him, I glanced over towards the two-way mirror. I knew, once again, we weren't alone in here.

"You offered information that can help us locate nearby threats. If this information is proven legitimate, it would go a long way to helping the Guardians in securing our borders, and it would prove quite beneficial to your reputation here as well. So, what can you tell us?"

I started slowly as we settled in, telling him about the basics and the main strongholds. Every word came easier than the last, and soon Hans was flipping page after page in his notebook while I told him everything I could. I told him about the major base of operations in Philadelphia, both the warehouse that the raid had taken place in and a few of the satellite locations around that area. I told him about the main housing areas that often served as shelters. I listed off some of the places that had worked with us, providing income for our protection.

"Most of them were completely innocent," I reassured him. "Many were run by Moroi or even human owners, and more often than not, we were the biggest threat that we were supposedly protecting them from. There was the occasional lone Strigoi that could pose a problem if we hadn't been guarding their businesses, but typically we would stage an attack if they started to feel too complacent. True protection was more of a necessity in cities, not the two-bit diners along highways. And none of this was comparable to issues in Russia."

"There is a larger population of Strigoi over there," he nodded, making a few notes.

"Yes. Most of my Empi-" I paused and corrected myself. "Most of our business dealings came out of the methods used in the Russian Estate and were just adapted for this area. You'll find much more in Novosibirsk than in Philadelphia."

"Unfortunately, the bigger threat at the moment is in Philadelphia. If we can get that under control, then perhaps we can look farther."

The saying 'cut the snake off at the head' came to mind, but I held my tongue.

"If you are looking for your biggest threat here, you need to look for Luka. He was a former guardian that was awakened by his own request and became my second-in-command. If he survived the battle, I have no doubt that he has taken over the operations here. Beyond his strength and training, he also has a mind for strategy."

"Do you have any way to contact him?"

"That all depends on how fast news has traveled about what's happened. If I can contact Russia, and they don't know any information about me, then I should be able to get a contact number for him. If they're aware of what has happened, then Luka will be moving before the call is disconnected. I'm happy to try though."

"We'll worry about that later. You mentioned that your business dealt with protection. Was that the only aspect of it?"

"No." Hans had promised that my testimony would pave the way to a better reputation at Court, but I knew that my next words would throw that all to hell. "We dealt with a life insurance of sorts. People – usually wealthy Moroi, though there were a few humans here and there – would pay a deposit and annual fee with the assurance that they would be turned at an agreed upon date."

"They paid to become Strigoi?"

"For immortality, yes."

"How many would you say are under this, what did you call it? Life insurance?"

"At the time I left, we had roughly 180. Many of them were several years into their contracts, and we picked up new contracts fairly regularly. We also had to terminate contracts fairly often."

"Terminate?"

"If they couldn't keep to the agreed arrangement, then they were killed rather than awakened."

"I see. Do you have a list of these contracts?"

"I don't, but I can try to give as many names as I remember. I can also give you the signs to look for in potential suspects."

There was more scratching as Hans took more notes. Even though I knew that Hans wasn't the same nefarious man that Dr. Reagan had appeared to be, seeing the same behavior – that silent note-taking – kept me on edge.

"Is there anything else that you feel is important for us to know at this time?"

"Yes." This was perhaps the most important information for them. I should have told them the moment I was restored. For me personally (and for the good of Court in general), the sooner this man was apprehended, the better. If Luka was still alive, he wouldn't hesitate to utilize him. "There is someone within Court who was instrumental to leaking information that helped us kidnap the Dragomir Princess and prepare for the battle at the warehouse."

"You had someone inside feeding you information?" The entire room seemed to hum in his shock and anticipation.

"Yes. He gave us almost every essential piece of information we needed. He kept us aware of the princess's movements, including when she went to Las Vegas. He even slipped a tracer into Adrian Ivashkov's bag so we could get a location on him. He was the one that told us about the princess's trip to the University so we could capture her, going so far as to tell us the number of guardians who would be accompanying her. He also gave us information about your raid at the warehouse so we could create a plan."

Hans' face was red with fury at this point. He had stopped writing and instead pressed the pen deep into the paper as if he was driving in a stake. "Give me a name?"

Without an ounce of shame or pity, I answered, "Reece Taurus."

"Priscilla Voda's assistant?"

I didn't have time to answer him before a commotion sounded on the other side of the glass, followed by screams of 'He's lying!' and 'I'm innocent!' Hans lept up when the mirror rippled. Someone had hit it hard enough to nearly break it. That was enough to make him and the other guardian in the room rush out, leaving the door wide open and me sitting all alone.

I watched as two more men dragged Reece down the hall. One was reading him his Miranda rights while Reece struggled against them and continued to protest. When he caught my eye, he only had one thing to say:

"You sold me out, you bastard! I'm going to have you killed for this! You won't last another day!"

Hans returned shortly after Reece's shouts faded into nothingness and sat down across from me again. He seemed significantly more irritable than before, though. "I think he gave us more than enough to convict him as we showed him to a cell, but some more evidence would be beneficial. What do you have for us?"

I knew his contract inside and out, using every detail to keep him in line when he worked for me. Now it would be used to keep him from ever harming anyone else.

"He made a trip to Russia four years ago at the end of March and lost a guardian. That was part of his initial payment, but if you look at his financial records you will also notice that he made a significant money transfer at that time. The account will be in the name 'Andrei Markov.' Then there are regular payments until about eighteen months ago when he defaulted on the contract. He lost another guardian that September."

Hans was frantically writing everything down.

"He started working for us in May in exchange for a reprieve in his annual payment. I provided him with a burner phone and if you happen to search his room and find it, then you'll see the text messages that were sent between us. They'll have all the information I told you about before: the Lehigh trip, details about the battle, and other happenings at Court. Did you find a phone on or around me after the battle?"

"Yes, we have it tagged in evidence."

"The passcode is 7692. You'll find the matching texts there. I believe there are only those from the two weeks leading up to the warehouse, but hopefully, that will be enough. He's the one listed as the ampersand. There are other contact numbers in there, including Luka's, but I can assure you that he has changed his number already."

I had to repeat the code name for Reece, my accent marring the word slightly.

"That should be plenty," he grinned, reading over his notes again. When he looked up and saw me, his expression changed. Reaching out, he clicked the recorder off. "Hey, you know you're doing the right thing, right? This is good. This is a big service to the Guardians and Court."

"Is it? I'm just as guilty." This should have been a weight off my chest, but it somehow felt like an anchor pulling me further down into the abyss.

"You weren't you. You had a totally different mentality then. Your humanity, your moral code, all of that was completely gone. I've personally seen that change in you. That man out there - " he pointed sharply out the door in anger, "He has absolutely no excuse for what he did. He wasn't Strigoi. He was just selfish. He put dozens in danger for his own selfish goals and even allowed some to die without a second thought. He put the entire Court in danger."

"And I didn't?"

His fingers rapped against the table, thinking and letting time pass between us in otherwise silence until I started to feel uncomfortable under his gaze.

"Would you do it again?" He asked.

"Of course not." The thought of putting so many people in harm's way – of intentionally setting people up to die? – it was horrifying. I'd die myself before doing anything like that again.

"Something tells me that Reece Taurus can't honestly say the same thing. And that makes all the difference, Dimitri. That's what makes  _you_  a good man."

* * *

**Author's Note**

* * *

**We know the informant! Surprise! We also have a fairly free Dimitri, and we got to see Lissa again too. One thing I really wanted to do was "redeem" Lissa a little. Rose is fairly upset at her because of her focus on Dimitri right now, but I don't think Liss totally forgot about her best friend. I think she might have been put in a very hard position and it was probably eating her up quite a bit. Perhaps this doesn't change your mind too much, but maybe this offers a different point of view.**

**The Question of the Week: Are there any Magazines that you _love_?  I adore HGTV and Food Network Magazine!**

**THE chapter is next week. This is a good time to fav, follow, share, and comment!**


	13. Chapter 13

A good man. That's what Hans had called me. Was that really all that made the difference between a good man and a monster? The desire to change? To repent of past actions and become a force for some sort of good?

I sat in the back pew, far enough away from others churchgoers so I wouldn't disturb them, but close enough to the main doors that every person who attended that morning would see me as they passed by on their way towards their own seats. Other than my group of personal guardians, I was basically alone. It was only the blatant looks of the congregation that broke the illusion.

Many spoke in whispers as they passed by me, staring openly even after they were seated. Once again I was a curiosity for them to entertain themselves with, but this time I wasn't bothered by it. The feeling of serenity that I had always felt in churches began to wash over me.

God was still a mystery for me, but the lessons that the priests had taught me all my life about humanity, goodness, life, death, compassion... all those rang true to me on a base level.

All those lessons had become more vivid with every death that I experienced in my life. It didn't matter if it was Strigoi, or a fellow guardian, or Ivan. Every casualty touched me in some way. The painted walls of the church was where I came to terms with all the lives lost. It's where I found peace in the chaos.

Now that I was the one who had selfishly, needlessly, recklessly stolen lives without a second thought, I needed this sanctuary more than ever. The fact that I could simply walk in was a relief to me. Seeing the same frescoes and icons that I had known since childhood, whether in this church or another, brought a sense of order and belonging that I had thought I'd lost forever.

So let them all stare at me. As long as they let me sit here in quiet reflection, let them look and talk and wonder and whatever else they needed to do. I was where I wanted – needed – to be right now.

I contemplated Hans's words again as the prayers began. I could offer repentance, but forgiveness was beyond my control. Only others could give that. Only God could offer that, if he so desired. It wasn't something I could just take. It hardly felt like something I could even ask for at this point.

Do you make an offering? A promise for one good deed for every life you took? If so, how much is a life worth? How many lives was turning Reece over worth? One? Not even that? Or was it nullified by the fact that I had essentially ruined his?

Offering a 'life for a life' wasn't feasible either, not with so many people who I had hurt and only my one life to give. I had already promised it to Vasilisa anyways. She had given me life again, and it was only right to dedicate mine to her now.

I heard the wooden doors open and felt her presence before she sat down beside me. A life for a life. I had nothing to offer Rose anymore. Not even myself.

"Don't start," I warned, surprisingly calm, especially considering that every other time I had been close to her I'd nearly had a panic attack. "Not in here."

"Wouldn't dream of it, Comrade."

The name stopped my breath for a second. I had nearly forgotten that she used to call me that. It hardly sounded affectionate at the moment, though. She seemed almost as annoyed by me as I was by having her there. If so, I couldn't fathom why she kept trying.

Staring straight ahead, she continued, "Just came for the good of my soul, that's all."

I somehow doubted that. Rose had been agnostic for as long as I had known her. Then again, she had been through quite a bit herself and perhaps she, like many before her, had turned to religion to guide her. Trauma does all sorts of things to a person. Who was I to judge, anyways?

We both listened to the sermon, side by side, in peace. For the first time ever, it didn't hurt to be next to her. It didn't hurt to know that we both could exist in the same world without that world collapsing around us. There was something comforting in that.

"...behold, for peace I had great bitterness: but thou hast in love to my soul delivered it from the pit of corruption: for thou hast cast all my sins behind thy back..."

The priest spoke about sin and forgiveness. He didn't speak of hellfire, but of the redemption of the soul when you had been absolved of your transgressions. He spoke of joyful things that made me long for what felt out of my reach. He promised mercy, no matter our offenses.

"...though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool..."

But there had to be a line, right? And if there was, then I must have crossed it. There was no way to come back from where I had been and what I had done. My soul might have been restored, but it would be eternally marked with every life I had taken.

"...old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new..."

The masses started to shift, preparing themselves to receive communion, but I would be staying behind. There was no world where I would ever be worthy to do so again, even with confession. That was assuming any priest would be willing to hear my transgressions. Or even able to stomach them.

The priest hadn't even finished the sermon when Rose finally spoke. "Don't you think that if God can supposedly forgive you, it's kind of egotistical for you not to forgive yourself?"

I tried not to buy into her goading, but I knew that she would just keep pressing until I spoke to her. "How long have you been waiting to use that line on me?"

"Actually, it just came to me. Pretty good, huh? I bet you thought I wasn't paying attention."

"You weren't. You never do. You were watching me." I had seen her glance my way more than once. I had watched her too, warily at first but then curious at the way she seemed to become more and more concerned as she watched me listen to the priest's words. She had almost looked hopeful at one point, but now she only looked worried – despite her irreverent attitude.

"You didn't answer my question."

"It's irrelevant." I shrugged, confessing my heartache to her as if it was nothing, "I don't have to forgive myself even if God does. And I'm not sure He would."

"That priest just said God would. He said God forgives everything. Are you calling the priest a liar? That's pretty sacrilegious."

I groaned, annoyed with her apparent vendetta against me. The way she seemed to mock my pain and acting as if this was all nothing...

"Rose, you're the one being sacrilegious. You're twisting these people's faith for your own purposes. You've never believed in any of this. You still don't."

"I believe that the dead can come back to life," her earlier flippancy was gone. "The proof is sitting right next to me. If that's true, then I think you forgiving yourself isn't that much more of a leap."

I glanced past her towards the exit. There was nothing more I wanted at that moment than to get away from this conversation, but leaving was impossible at this point. Not with so many people watching for any indication that this Holy Ground would somehow open and drag me down to the depths of hell.

So I was forced to stay in her presence for just a little longer. "You don't know what you're talking about," I insisted.

"Don't I?" She hissed, pressing closer towards me. Her voice was low to hide us from the others, but having her so close sent alarms blaring through me. Every fiber of my body screamed for me to run.

"I know exactly what I'm talking about," she continued. "I know that you've been through a lot. I know that you did terrible things – I saw them. But it's in the past. It was beyond your control. It's not like you're going to do it again."

Those fears reached up in me again. I saw her on my mother's floor, surrounded by broken glass, and staring at me in pure terror. "How do you know? Maybe the monster didn't leave. Maybe there's still something Strigoi lurking in me."

"...forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before..."

"Then you need to defeat it by moving on with your life! And not just through your chivalrous pledge to protect Lissa. You need to live again. You need to open yourself up to people who love you. No Strigoi would do that. That's how you'll save yourself."

"I can't have people loving me," I shot back, "I'm incapable of loving anyone in return."

"Maybe you should try instead of just feeling sorry for yourself!"

"It's not that easy."

"Da-" She stopped the curse, biting her lip to keep her frustrations from bursting forth. "Nothing we've ever done has been easy! Our life before – before the attack wasn't easy, and we made it through that! We can make it through this too. We can make it through anything together. It doesn't matter if you put your faith in this place. I don't care. What matters is that you put your faith in us."

"There is no us. I've already told you that."

"And you know I'm not a very good listener."

"I wish you hadn't come here." She was breaking me. She was breaking the last threads of control I had. "It's really better for us to stay apart."

She offered me the same look she gave right before she staked a killing strike. "That's funny, because I could have sworn you once said we were meant to be together."

"I want you to stay away from me," I ignored her and tried to ignore those painful words from that past. "I don't want you to keep trying to bring back feelings that are gone. That's the past. None of that's going to happen again. Not ever. It's better for us if we act like strangers. It's better for you."

"If you're going to tell me what I can or can't do then at least have the courage to say it to my face!" Rose and I both had tempers and while hers ran quick and hot, she also knew just how to make mine flare as well. We had both been pushed past our limits.

I turned on her so quickly that at least one of the guardians surrounding us shifted back, but Rose held her ground next to me.

"I don't want you here," I punctuated every word harshly, but rather than backing off she faced me with confidence. Rather than my words knocking her off balance, I was struck by some look in her eye. There was frustration and anger, even some longing, but there was something else too. Some might have taken it for amusement but that wasn't quite right. Vindication maybe? She wasn't pleased by my words by any means, but it seemed to satisfy her in some way.

Her reaction was both confusing and infuriating. "How many times do I have to tell you that? You need to stay away from me."

"But you aren't going to hurt me. I know that."

"I've already hurt you. Why can't you understand that? How many times do I have to say it?"

"You told me . . . you told me before you left that you loved me." She whispered, words trembling slightly. "How can you let that go?"

"Because it's too late!" The sound of my hand smacking the wooden pew in front of us echoed off of the walls. "And it's easier than being reminded of what I did to you!" Some of the parishioners turned to face us and Rose turned away, letting me have a moment to collect myself. She took a deep breath, apparently needing a second or two to herself as well.

Eventually, she turned again. I allowed myself a minute just to look at her. I had fought so hard not to see her that letting myself simply look seemed like a surprising feat. It came so simply though. The way she watched me with that overwhelming trust – I didn't deserve an ounce of it, but she gave it freely anyway. Selfishly, I wanted to take it. I wanted to take her forgiveness, her absolution, no matter how wrong it might have been. She was so close, that all I needed to do was reach out to her.

She reached out first though. Just a shift of her hand closer towards mine. It was a gentle offering, but she might as well have been trying to steal the very life from me.

I jumped back, causing the guardians around us to shoot forward. Phillips was right next to her, his hand ready to tear her away from me should I approach her again. I didn't dare to, though. Her touch would kill me. It would be the end of me.

Her eyes flashed red. I knew it was an illusion. Maybe. Probably. But I saw it. I saw the hell that I had damned her to in those eyes. I had nearly dragged her down with me.

"Rose. Please stop. Please stay away." The desperation in my voice matched the desperation I felt trying to keep the buzzing from taking over. She paled at my words… too much. Her skin was too white. I pressed my eyelids together, shaking the demons away.

Not real. Not real.

"This isn't over. I haven't given up on you." The promise was soft, breaking through the darkness in my mind. I needed it to be over, though. I needed it all to be over.

"I've given up on you." I'd given up on ever being worthy of what we were again. "Love fades. Mine has."

I'd never forget that look. In a single moment, everything that made Rose who she was – that fight, that fire, that passion – seemed to vanish. I heard the last breath leave her lips as the spark in her eyes died. Rose, my Roza, was gone.

With those four words, and the promise that I had given up on her and everything she had meant to me, I had extinguished it all.

Her eyes shifted quickly around the room, as if suddenly aware of just how many people could witness us and backed away from me. I almost begged her to say something – anything – just as a reassurance that there was something still inside her – some flame, a spark, dear God anything! – but she didn't. She turned away from me instead, pushing out of the aisle and rushing to the door.

"...Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins..."

The priest's sermon continued to echo into the hall, but I couldn't hear it anymore. All I could hear was the sound of that heavy carved door slamming shut between us as she left, knowing that no matter how long I stared at it, she wouldn't be walking back through it again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so excited to finally post this chapter! I know many of you have been on pins and needles too. SO PLEASE tell me what you think.  
> If you have never commented before, now is the time!
> 
> The question of the week is: Have you ever participated in NaNoWriMo?  
> It's November's "National Novel Writing Month" challenge where you try to write 50,000 words in 30 days. I'm getting ready for another round this year!
> 
> Favorite, Follow, Share, and Comment! Also, don't forget to check me out on facebook at AndreaAndersonWrites. There was a sneak peek this week.


	14. Chapter 14

The sermon couldn't finish fast enough. Even though I knew I couldn't go after Rose, I still needed to get out of there. I didn't have any right to try to find her after what had happened and to be honest, I still didn't know if I  _wanted_  to see her again. While I desperately needed to know if she was alright, I couldn't promise that we wouldn't have another argument that would do even more damage to us both.

As eager I was to get out of there, I forced myself to wait. I had to physically keep my knee from bouncing in anticipation while waiting for every last parishioner to leave so I could rush out the door. But I stayed seated, letting everyone see that I had survived the entire service without being struck by lighting or bursting into flames.

As I finally stood to walk out, the Father nodded to me – perhaps a sign of support or simply an acknowledgment. A memory of Father Andrew speaking to me one evening, all alone in the back of the tiny church at St. Vladimir's Academy, flashed through my mind. When I had sought clarity, he had warned me of my own stubbornness. I wished I could remember the exact words he had spoken to me. They had brought so much understanding back then. It wouldn't be a bad idea to speak with him again.

I had something else to do first, though. Something vastly more important.

The five guardians surrounding me had to walk quickly to keep up with my pace as we hurried towards my apartment. I had already asked Adams to call Vasilisa and request that she meet me there. I still didn't have a phone of my own yet, but Adams assured me that she was on her way and would be there shortly. He never took his eyes off me after that. In fact, since Rose had left, he had been watching me very carefully.

Phillips, on the other hand, wouldn't look at me at all. His lips were pulled tight into a thin line, barely masking a sneer of hatred. His loathing towards me and my actions almost matched my own. Perhaps I'd let him take a few extra hits in the sparring ring, just to satisfy us both.

Vasilisa was waiting by my apartment door when we arrived. She didn't even wait for us to reach her, instead running towards me and grasping my hands the moment I appeared out of the stairwell.

"What happened? Guardian Adams didn't tell me anything except that you needed to see me."

I looked hesitantly around. There was nobody except the seven of us, but I still felt totally exposed. Glancing towards the others, I asked, "Would you mind giving us some privacy for a short while?"

"Why?" snapped Phillips. "We all saw what you did to her! Why does it matter if we're here when you tell her?"

Vasilisa looked between me and Guardian Phillips, desperately trying to grasp what was going on with the small amount of information she'd been given. "What? What happened with who?" Her eyes widened as a wave of realization crested over her. "Rose!?"

I could only imagine the shame on my own face based on the bitter smugness on Phillips's.

"We'll let you talk." Adams put a hand on Phillips's shoulder, pulling him away from the door and allowing us to step in alone.

"Dimitri," the door had barely clicked shut when she started in on the questions. "What happened?"

"I... I just..." I ran my hand through my hair trying to make sense of what had happened and the words to explain it. "I snapped."

"You two fought?" Her worry intensified. "Physically?"

I waved her off. "No. Nothing like that." Rose and I had physically fought many times, but it had always been with a clear mind under specific rules and circumstances. We had never taken out our aggression towards each other like that. I'd never do that.

_Except for Russia..._

My mind was traitorous, as always.

"Then tell me what happened! It couldn't have been so bad." She sat on the small chair, prim and proper, the epitome of everything a woman of her stature should be. I paced like a madman.

"I think I broke her."

"You... broke her?"

The sofa creaked as I sat heavily on it, my face collapsing into my hands. "Yes."

"Start from the beginning."

I told her everything. From the beginning when I thought she would start another scene right there in the back of the chapel, to how it felt for a moment just to sit next to her and believe we could actually coexist, to the quiet but escalating argument all the way to those final moments. I told her about seeing – even just for a second – those red eyes and pale skin on Rose, seeing my nightmare come to life in a brief, but horrific hallucination. I told her how I just gave up – on her and us and everything in that moment.

And I told her how horrible it was to see the pain in her eyes. Not anger. And not just shock or sadness. Pain. Like I had torn her apart.

I didn't have the words to describe how hollow she seemed right after that. I knew for a fact that the feeling didn't have words to describe it. I only recognized it in her because I had felt it myself so often recently.

"I didn't mean to hurt her. I wanted her to stay away – for the sake of us both – and I needed her to know there was nothing left to salvage, but... I didn't mean to hurt her like that."

She sighed. "You had to know that it would hurt her, Dimitri. She loves you and you just rejected it all. She gave you everything she had to give and you just told her that you have nothing to give back. That's not an easy thing to hear."

Even the gentleness in her voice seemed judgmental.

"What was I supposed to do?!"

"I don't know." She shrugged and looked out the window. The steeple of the chapel was barely visible over another building. "Maybe it was the only option, but either way, you need to take responsibility. You did this. You hurt her. You have to be the one to fix this."

How was I supposed to fix it? I couldn't even talk to her. Even if I tried, I'd probably just make it worse. There was no way she'd even want to see me after everything I had just done.

I followed Vasilisa's gaze towards the church. "You should talk to her."

She looked back towards me in confusion. "Why?"

"Because she needs a friend. I know I'm the one who screwed this up, but she's not going to want anything to do with me right now. Or ever. I know I've needed you quite a bit over the past few days and it's been causing issues between you two, but she really needs you right now. You should go find her. Talk to her. She needs you more than I do." She  _deserves_  you more than I do.

She looked at me hesitantly before standing. "Okay. Are you going to be okay?"

I nodded, biting my tongue to gain some composure before answering her. I couldn't let her see just how much this was affecting me or she'd never leave. I needed Vasilisa to talk to Rose and make sure she was okay.

"Yes. I'll be fine. Just go find Rose."

With one last glance and a bit of concern, she left.

* * *

I could only stay in my apartment for so long. Court wasn't small, but it was small enough that I worried stepping out would mean walking right into Rose. Eventually, though, the walls in this one-bedroom sanctuary closed in enough to make my old cell look roomy.

"I think I need to go for a walk."

Hunter looked up from the television screen. American football had never been appealing to me, but he was apparently an avid fan and enjoying the rare opportunity to watch the game.

"Can we wait another five minutes? Game's almost over. I promise we'll leave right after."

The corner of my mouth twitched (the closest thing I'd come to a smile all day) before I nodded. I had already disappointed one person today. I could wait a few more minutes to let him take some pleasure in a little entertainment.

His joy was short lived, unfortunately, as the neck-and-neck game ended in a loss for his team. That didn't keep him from giving me detailed rundowns of every single play as we walked towards the hidden courtyard behind the guardian housing. Phillips had signed off his shift a bit early so I didn't have someone glaring at me, but I was almost to the point of preferring his quiet contempt by the time we made it to the small, secluded seating area they had set up for the residents.

Thankfully, Hunter had a keen sense of observation, and the moment he spotted me pulling out Hans's paperback, he and the others stepped away and let me have some time to myself. The old stone bench wasn't nearly as comfortable as the couch in my apartment, but the fresh air was a significant improvement.

It didn't take long for me to set the book aside, however. I had been reading the same line over and over again and still couldn't remember what it actually said. All I could think about was Rose and the church and how she looked when I told her that everything was gone.

Adams stood at attention about fifteen feet away. He was older, probably within a few years of being retired out of active service, but he still maintained the utmost professionalism. I couldn't imagine many things less exciting than guarding a former guardian who could easily handle any threat. The fact that he had to do so with four other capable guardians made it even worse, I'm sure. I bet they'd all prefer to be on patrol or even working the gate entrance right now rather than standing idly by and watching a man unsuccessfully read a book.

I wanted to ask Adams if he'd heard anything from the princess yet. She would call him, right? Maybe I should have him call her. What would he ask, though? What if Vasilisa was still talking to Rose and I interrupted?

I tried to push those thoughts away and focus on nothing. Meditation used to come easily. I was able to let everything else fall back into the recesses of my mind when I ran or worked out, but sitting still was always harder. I probably should have gotten up and hit the track. It would have probably helped. Instead, I stayed rooted to the bench. Even though I wanted nothing more than to forget and push those worries away, every time I tried to do so, something Vasilisa said came to the forefront.

_'You have to take responsibility. You did this.'_

Everyone had been telling me that it  _'wasn't your fault'_  or that I  _'couldn't help it'_ , but this was different. My greatest advocate had accused me, point blank, of hurting Rose. She hadn't offered an excuse or platitude. She had encouraged me to fix it instead of running away.

Granted, I had run away anyways, but still...

So, what was different?

The question lingered and then somehow instantaneously became clear: Me.

I was what was different.

Everything that I had done to Rose had happened  _before_. I didn't believe in all those excuses people offered for my actions as Strigoi, but I didn't even have those to cling to when it came to hurting Rose this morning.

That was all on me. It was my own selfishness. My own cowardliness. My own self-loathing that had caused me to do the one thing I was desperately trying not to do.

_"я облажался по-крупному"_

I fucked it all up. The revelation spun around and around, filling every part of me until my entire body felt weighed down with it.

I suddenly wanted to go find her myself and apologize for everything I had said. It wouldn't change the fact that I was far too broken to be in a relationship – this morning solidified that fact without question – but something in me needed her to know that I was sorry for making her feel like everything we once had was worthless. I needed her to know that I recognized everything she had done for me, and even though I had nothing to offer her in return – including love – it wasn't because of her.

Just like Vasilisa had said: she had given me everything she had and offered even more, but I had thrown it all back as if it was nothing.

I had wanted her to hate me for my actions as Strigoi… but it had taken my actions as a man, a broken man, but a man nonetheless, to push her over that line.

I glanced over at Adams again, but he remained standing still as stone. It seemed that I would have to wait a bit longer to talk to Vasilisa, or better yet, to Rose

Giving up, I finally laid down and closed my eyes. I had probably gotten more sleep in the past week than I had in the past decade, but I still felt exhausted. I couldn't have been resting more than five minutes before I heard a voice.

"You've certainly looked better."

My eyes popped open in surprise. I had been completely unaware that someone had approached me. With her body only a black silhouette against the bright light, I only had her voice to go on.

"Tasha?" Sitting up, I could finally see her face. The friendly smile I was used to seeing was completely gone, replaced by a hardened look and jutted hip. "What are you doing here?"

"I had to see if the rumors were true."

I offered her a seat beside me, but she shook her head and it was only then that I realized I was probably in trouble.

My reaction time was embarrassingly slow now.

"Why Dimitri? Why did you take Christian?" Her question was more of an accusation than anything else. She didn't shout it. I don't think her words were loud enough to even attract the attention of my guard. She simply demanded the answer.

I thought for a long time, trying to find any way to make my answer seem more reasonable to her, but there just wasn't one. What was I supposed to say? How could you excuse actions like that?

"I'm sorry, Natasha. Would it help to know that I didn't want to at the time, and he was just a means to an end? I might not have taken him at all if the princess wasn't with him at the time."

"Oh! This was about Lissa then!?"

My pause was probably answer enough, but I answered anyway. "No."

It came out as a disappointed whisper, as did her reply.

"So," she pursed her lips. "you're still caught up on her..."

Her statement seemed to echo in the walls of my mind. There was a bitterness there that made the night seem even colder than it had before. I didn't know what to tell her, literally. Especially after this morning. I had insisted that there was nothing between Rose and me for days, but now I was obsessing over her. I needed to know how she was doing and if she was okay. There was obviously  _something_  I felt for Rose. Guilt, certainly. But it felt like there was something else under the surface of that. Worry? Grief? Anger? Confusion in it all? Eventually, all the emotions ran together into one big mess until I felt numb. That pins-and-needles numb that is almost painful when you  _do_  feel something, but numb just the same.

"I don't know what I feel anymore," I admitted.

Like everything else, it seemed unsatisfactory to us both, but that was all that I had right now.

"Would you have ki-" the word was apparently too hard to finish so she amended, "Would you have hurt him?"

Asking 'who?' would have been an insult. She had practically raised Christian. He mattered more to her than everyone else in the world combined, and I had taken him. I had hurt him and I would have killed him without a second thought.

"Yes." I didn't want to lie to her. I had done too many horrible things to count, but at least I could look Tasha in the eye and tell her the truth. We had never lied to one another. "I'm sorry, Tasha. He had more value to me alive, but if it came down to it – yes."

"Value..." The word sounded worse off her lips than it did off mine. She stared at me for a long time as if she wanted me to take it back. Maybe she wanted me to tell her something that would lessen the blow of what I had just confessed. She didn't beg or scream, she just waited patiently for me to say something. I had nothing to offer her, though.

Eventually, with a look of finality, she turned and walked away.

Watching her leave hurt less than I thought it would. It was almost a relief to have someone hate me as much as they should have. Pretty much everyone I had encountered from my previous life, and even some that I was getting to know now, kept trying to absolve me of my crimes. Tasha held me to them and then promptly despised me for them.

It was what I had hoped Rose would have done initially. I would have been perfectly fine with her rejecting me completely and avoiding me forever, but if I was forced to be in her presence, I wanted to be condemned and shunned.

Instead, she fought for me to see her and make sure I knew that she forgave me. Even if I didn't want to believe her, she kept trying. She kept trying until I pushed back so hard that she fell and shattered.

Seeing Tasha walk away in her disdain was hard, but it wasn't nearly as hard as watching Rose flee in pain. What I was starting to wonder was whether or not it would have been harder to watch Rose walk away before, or would it have been as easy as easy as watching Tasha just now. Would it really have been cathartic to let her go? Would I have actually been able to live knowing Rose hated me so much?

Would I be able to live with Rose hating me now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tasha made a short return. I figured she needed to say her piece about Christian and his unintentional involvement in the whole kidnapping. I'm sorry to everyone who hoped we had left her tucked away in FB. 
> 
> I'm excited for all those who are getting ready for their NaNoWriMo run! Good luck to all those participating next month! This week's Question of the Week is: What three words describe you? I'd probably go with "Family. Writer. Gamer."
> 
> Thanks again to everyone who has fav, followed, shared, and commented. You guys are amazing. It took me FOREVER to reply to the reviews this week because there were so many. Feel free to put me up to that challenge again :) Especially you new reviewers! And a big thank you to those on my facebook page. I was a bit quiet this week because of a cold, but I'll be nice and active again this week. Check my bio to join!


	15. Chapter 15

I eventually gave up waiting for Vasilisa's call. It had been hours and I knew that it would be getting light before too long. Also, I was fairly sure that some of the guardians who had been waiting with me were finally at their limit of total boredom and were ready to take a break. I knew from experience that there was only so much you could do to occupy your mind when you had nothing to do but stay still and be quiet.

I'd heard of so many things that guardians had done to keep themselves from going absolutely insane while working. Obviously, focusing on the task at hand came first. Things like being aware of your surroundings, being ready to protect and fight on a moment's notice - everything required with the promise mark. However, there were quite a few times when we had to do basically nothing and look professional while doing so. Beyond people watching (when people were available to watch), we found ways to kill time, whether it be fantasizing about what we would do if we won the lottery or memorizing the alphabet backwards.

One guardian I knew learned French by studying off-shift and practicing while he did ward patrols. Another told me how she used to debate with herself on all kinds of topics. She'd try to see an issue from the other side, and it certainly led to interesting discussions anytime we chatted. Perhaps the oddest, however, was the guy who had practiced holding his breath while on shift. He'd insisted that it helped him physically with training, but unfortunately, he didn't survive long enough for us to see if the theory was true.

My guardians and I hadn't gotten very far before I saw the last person I expected to see. He had been heading into the same building I was but turned the minute he spotted me.

"Ah! If it isn't Dimitri Belikov, back from the dead."

"Lord Ivashkov." From the tone of his voice, it seemed like there was at least one other person out there who rightly hated me. "Can I help you with anything?"

"Looking for my girlfriend. But when I saw you, I figured, 'Hey! Since she's still devoted to this asshole and dead set on making sure he's okay, even if it costs her her own life, maybe he knows where she is?'"

I bit my tongue. "I haven't seen her recently."

He smirked, looking somewhat pleased with the news. "Just as well. I have a few things to say to you myself."

I looked briefly towards the other guardians, but it seemed that they weren't going to step in unless one of us posed a physical threat to the other. They were all braced and ready to move in if needed but held their positions. Adrian seemed to ignore them completely.

He gestured towards the lobby. "Are you staying here now?"

I nodded.

"Good. Why don't we have a chat inside?"

I was already feeling nervous before, but at least out in the open there was a decent chance that there wouldn't be a scene. Adrian and I had never been on the best of terms, but we had always agreed, in many respects, to put Rose first. We had both cared for her and, more importantly, we had both wanted to take care of her. He had been the one to help us find her and the others in Spokane. He had made sure she and the others had a voice at Dashkov's trial. And he had been the first to talk to me about Rose's issues with spirit darkness and how it was starting to affect her. Yes, we had competed in many aspects, and he had no problem making clear his intentions towards her, but we knew that we had both wanted the best for her.

Now it was very clear that I hadn't been good for her at all.

The seven of us made it up to the fourth floor but as my key went into the lock, Adrian turned on the guardians.

"We're fine. You guys can head home."

"We've been ordered to stay with him. We'll need to have at least two people inside with you."

I knew Adams was lying – or perhaps he was making a judgment call based on the situation. Either way, Adrian seemed to immediately sense that he wasn't telling the truth.

"One. And he stays outside." It was the same compulsion that I recognized from Vasilisa but unlike the princess, he seemed to have no shame in forcing his will over Adams.

The others looked to their team leader, but Adams immediately dismissed them. Hunter and Langley both looked hesitant but left regardless. I watched them leave as Adrian slammed the door. With each passing moment of suspense, my anxiety spiked until I couldn't take the quiet any longer.

"So, you haven't seen Rose at all today?" It was probably a stupid thing for me to ask, all things considered, but perhaps he could give me a hint as to whether or not she was alright.

"No. Not really." He brushed the question off, though I could see tension radiating off of him: in his arms, his shoulders, his neck. Eventually, it all seemed to settle in his jaw. Looking away, he shrugged, "We had a bit of an argument this morning."

"This morning?" I forced myself to stop the rest of the questions that flashed through my mind.

"Yeah. She stood me up again. She has this unfortunate habit of getting distracted whenever you're around. She's been forgetting quite a few of our engagements recently."

"Um..."

"Save it. I'm not here to talk about my relationship with Rose. I'm here to talk about you and what you've done to her. What you need to  _stop_  doing to her." He faced me with no fear at all. "You have no idea what you've put her through."

I had every idea what I had put her through. The memories haunted me every time I closed my eyes! I opened my mouth to start arguing the point but he beat me to it.

"I got to watch her try to pick up the pieces. When you died, I was the one who saw her aura fade like a little piece of herself had died. I felt completely helpless as she walked around like a ghost. I don't think she talked to anyone until she left the Academy. We hardly even saw her except for the memorial and of course when -" he cut himself off and paused a moment.

He seemed in his own world when he finally spoke again. "I should have pressed harder when she asked for money. I honestly thought she just needed a short trip to get away from the Academy and all the memories of you two there. I had no idea I was paying for a death wish because of some suicidal pact you two made. I swear, I never would have given her the cash had I known."

"You paid for her trip to Russia?" I should have been angrier. I wanted to be furious at him. Part of me was, but the other part of me knew why she had done it and was instantly thrown back to that van where we had made that silent promise to one another. As much as I wanted to say that I would have done the same for her, part of me questioned whether or not I would have been strong enough to follow through.

"Unintentionally, but yes. I had promised not to interfere or watch the account, so I didn't know what was going on until I went into one of her dreams to beg her to come home. Lissa was going off the deep end and I was hoping Rose could help, but, lo and behold, I found your own personal bloodwhore instead."

"Don't you dare -" I rushed him, ready to yell and defend her but he turned his anger on me before I could do so.

"THAT'S WHAT YOU MADE HER!"

I gritted my teeth and felt my breath coming out in heavy pants as I stood over him. He didn't look frightened at all, though. Not like most people who happened to glance my way the past few days. On the contrary, he looked like he was just waiting for me to take the first swing.

Unfortunately, he was absolutely correct. I backed away in defeat. "You're right. I… I have no right to defend her after what I did to her."

"Yeah. You don't." He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and absentmindedly tapped the box against his hand a few times. He extended it as an offering towards me but I waved it off. I'd only tried smoking once in my life, and Galina had caught me an hour later. She'd made me run until I couldn't breathe anymore and then chastised me for trying something that could have compromised my training. He shrugged and then slipped them back into his pocket without lighting any.

"I don't know how she made it out of there and I don't really care, to tell you the truth. She made it home and that's all that mattered to me. When she came back, I watched her break down because she thought she killed you. Even if she refused to talk to me about it, I got to watch her guilt and heartache and agony all because of you. It drove me crazy to see her that way. One day she'd be fine and we'd all be enjoying ourselves, and the next day I'd see you there in her thoughts, in her damn aura, and I'd wonder just how long you'd be breaking her heart. You were supposedly dead, yet you were still holding her back."

"I never meant to -"

"I'm sure you didn't." He rubbed at his eyes. "But you still did. I never meant to snap at her either, but I did. She really can be infuriating sometimes, can't she?" He gave a short humorless laugh and while I agreed, I doubted that this was the time to say so.

"I was an ass too, occasionally, and I really shouldn't have been back then. She had every right to be grieving, I guess. I just hated her grieving you, you know? And not  _you_ -you, but the version of you that did all sorts of horrific things. I didn't understand at the time how she could separate those things."

At that point, he didn't even seem to be talking to me anymore, but it felt like he needed to get out what he was thinking, so I just listened. Part of me needed to hear it all, too. I had missed so much.

"There was this one fight… I thought I'd lost her. And I don't mean that I lost her as a girlfriend but I was legitimately afraid that she had left the Academy again and we'd never find her this time. I put a flag on her account and was about ready to send out a search party until I found her two days later in some cabin near the edge of campus, by the wards."

My body tensed, knowing exactly where he had found her.

"She looked like she hadn't slept or eaten at all. She was just curled up on a bed in the corner, shaking like a leaf. She might have been crying the entire time for all I know, and I don't think I've ever felt worse in my life. She wouldn't even let me touch her. She actually screamed at me when I tried to climb in next to her to hold her and apologize. I didn't care though. She was safe and that's all that mattered."

I bit down hard on my tongue, so hard that I was surprised I didn't taste blood, and tried not to imagine her like that. It was impossible though. I could see her all too clearly in the last spot that I had held her against me. Where I had _truly_ held her. Not because I was trying to manipulate her, but because I actually cared about her. Because I had loved her. Imagining her there, mourning the memory of me of us – was painful. The idea that she might be out somewhere mourning some memory of us right now because of something I said…

I needed to talk to Vasilisa. Soon.

His whole countenance changed in an instant. He didn't look heartbroken over her anymore. Instead, he looked to be on the brink of an eruption and all of that heat and fury was focused on me. He cracked his knuckles of one hand against the palm of the other. "Of course, once she found out you were alive, I got to watch her go into this obsession over finding some way to miraculously heal you. It hurt so much to see her so hopeful. I tried to support her even though I thought it was nothing but a fairy tale, and then worse, I tried to support her when it became real and I knew that it would either bring you back or, more likely, get her killed in the process. And there was nothing I could do about it because she's Rose…" He looked torn for a moment and shrugged. "She's Rose and I'd do anything for her, even if it ripped me to pieces."

He sat back on the sofa and put his feet up on the coffee table, sighing as he ran his fingers through his hair. It was impossible to tell if it had any effect on the mess that was already there.

For a man coming to another man's apartment with the sole purpose of yelling at him, he looked mighty comfortable. I, on the other hand, felt completely awkward in my own home.

"Now, she barely talks to me. Anytime I do see her, it's obvious she's more worried about you. And I doubt you even care. Perhaps that's the most infuriating thing of all."

"I've told her to stay away." I tried to reassure him with the truth. I'd told her that Adrian was – should be – her future. He was the better man between the two of us and she deserved a real relationship with someone who would treat her well. "I'm no good for her; we both know that."

"Oh,  _I_  know that. And  _you_  know that. But  _she_  doesn't care. And when was the last time Rose did anything she was told to?" Unlike Rose, he was fairly adept at raising an eyebrow. "Come on, Belikov. You know her better than that."

Unfortunately, I did. It was why this whole issue had been so difficult.

"No, the fact that she's still in love with you isn't the big problem here. Well, no, that's a problem, not gonna lie. As her boyfriend, the fact that Rose is still crazy about you really sucks." He pressed the heel of his palm into his eyes for a second. "The real problem is that you're treating her like crap and she still loves you. I could almost forgive you if you were still fighting for her like you used to but you've just totally given up and you're hurting her. I can't allow that to happen. I've watched her suffer too long because of you. I'm done watching her cry time after time because she's lost you yet again. It was one thing when you were torn from her and killed right in front of her fucking eyes, but now she's right there waiting for you and you're acting like you couldn't care less. It's a miracle you're alive, a miracle she fought tooth and nail for, and you don't give a damn!"

"Wait," I blinked, trying to go back and reevaluate what he had just said, but only one thing seemed to make sense. "You want me to go after your girlfriend?"

"Hell no!" He stood and boldly strode towards me. "But I want you to stop acting like she wasn't the best thing you ever had and treat her with the respect she deserves. Stop treating her like crap under this false guise of noble chivalry when all it is is you being too cowardly to step up and fight for the life you once had. Yes, that included her at one point. If you want to fight for her, then game on. I'm still fighting every damn day to make her happy. You keep up this crap, though, and I'll send you back to that frozen wasteland you came from so she doesn't have to deal with such a spineless bastard."

I think I was more shocked than anything else, but I had nothing to say to his fervent rant. Adrian hardly matched my height, but at that moment, he held himself as if he was towering over me.

"You were an amazing guardian, Dimitri. Yeah, you've had some of the worst crap imaginable thrown at you, but if anyone could've risen above, it should have been you. She needs it to be you. Don't let her down."

Almost as shocking as he had walked into my evening, he turned towards the door to leave.

"Wait!" I shouted before he could twist the knob. "Where are you going?"

He looked over his shoulder and shrugged, a certain smugness in his smile. "I'm going to find my girlfriend"

* * *

The knock finally came well after most normal people would be asleep. I, however, was laying back on my bed and staring at the ceiling, so the gentle rap at the door sounded like a drum beating against the empty walls.

Her disheartened look told me everything the moment I opened the door, but I still needed the confirmation.

"Did you…"

"No," She almost looked ashamed of herself. "I'm sorry. I tried. I looked for her everywhere and I tried to reach her through the bond but she just ignored me. I don't think she wants to be found right now. I'll try again tomorrow morning."

The last bit of hope that maybe - just maybe - she had been able to find Rose and talk to her was dashed. Maybe I should have been thankful; not finding her was just slightly better than finding her and facing total rejection, right?

All I could hope for now was that Adrian had been able to find her and offer some comfort. That's what he said he was doing, wasn't it? Fighting every day to make her happy? I had been fighting every day to push her away and it had hurt her. Let him be the white knight while I remained the blood-thirsty dragon. I certainly would have preferred Vasilisa being able to talk to her so she could assure me that Rose was alright, but I knew that Adrian would stand by her and take care of her too.

"You did what you could," I admitted, "You're right though, this was my fault and I should be the one to fix it. I'll try talking to her tomorrow. I'm sure she'll still be happy to hear from you, but I need to apologize in person."

Vasilisa's dejection suddenly brightened into something hopeful. "You're going to talk to her?"

"Yes." My earlier wavering finally solidified into pure resolve. "She deserves an apology."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, If you are on my Facebook Page, you know I've been pretty sick and it made it so I couldn't write/post. Basically, I've had a nasty cough for over a month now, and it was getting out of hand (like...to the point where I was passing out) and for several days I couldn't do much more than lay in bed and try not to die. I've been in and out of the doctor's office doing some tests and x-rays, and while we're still not quite sure what's going on, the medication they've given me has made it so that I can resume some normal activities as long as I don't overdo things. Running? No. Writing? YES!
> 
> Also, just a friendly reminder: I will never quit on these stories. I won't quit on those who READ these stories. So, if I miss a week, know that it's because I need to deal with something in my real life (health, family, etc). I will always come back. 
> 
> Otherwise, I know several people have been waiting for a discussion between Adrian and Dimitri! Was it what you were expecting? How do you think this changes their relationship?
> 
> The question of the week is: What's the most annoying habit somebody can have? Personally, I hate it when someone keeps interrupting me or tries to talk over me.
> 
> Thanks for reading. Don't forget to fave, follow, share the story and leave your thoughts below. Also, jump on my facebook page to keep updated and join in on the discussions.


	16. Chapter 16

Breakfast. Find Rose. Apologize.

That was my entire to-do list for the day. Nothing else really mattered until those three things were done. Honestly, I probably could have gone without breakfast, but I figured that would be the best place to find her.

Hunter had shown me a small cafe near Guardian Housing the day before. It wasn't nearly as popular as the main cafeteria set aside for guardians, but Hunter insisted that it had much better coffee. After trying both places, I wholeheartedly agreed with him. The machine at the cafeteria spit out something that tasted vaguely burnt. It did the job, but you got what you paid for, apparently. Since it was free for guardians living in the housing complex, it seemed like most of them just put up with it.

I had noticed that the little cafe had a pretty wide selection of pastries too, including several different doughnuts. Even without asking, Hunter has assured me that they were amazing. If anything was going to draw Rose into the open, it was chocolate covered fried dough.

So with a cup of black coffee, a doughnut of my own, and my paperback, I sat and waited. I'd give her an hour and if I didn't see her by then, I'd grab my guards some coffee and suggest heading back to the apartment for a bit. Maybe I'd ask Adams to check her schedule with the Guardian Office. I wouldn't bother her while she was working, of course, but at least then I'd have an idea of where she might be after her shift.

I was turning into a damn stalker again. At least this time it was to apologize rather than hunt her down and kill her.

_Apologize and then leave. Let her live her life._

Breakfast. Find Rose. Apologize. Leave.

That was my to-do list.

I was a half hour in when the doorbell chimed and I saw her walk up to the counter. For a moment, she seemed completely oblivious to everyone in the room and I was able to take her all in. If I was expecting to see someone broken because of my misplaced anger, I was wrong. Her head was held up high, she had a smile on her face, and if I hadn't known better, I would have thought that yesterday had simply been another day of work for her.

It wasn't until she turned around and spotted me that her countenance changed. I had instantly turned towards my book, but I still caught it - her carefree attitude had suddenly become harsh. She didn't waver when I looked up at her again. Instead, she steeled herself and stared me down for a moment, silently demonstrating that she was just fine without me, before turning towards the counter once more.

I continued watching her as she ordered, asking for one, and then changing her mind to two chocolate pastries with whatever drink she had picked up. She hardly glanced my way as she made for the door, but within two steps she realized what I had noticed just a moment earlier: it has started raining. It wasn't an all-out downpour, but it was enough to force her to stay inside.

She sighed heavily and looked around the room, and I gave a small prayer of thanks to whatever divinity was watching over me right at that moment because between the rain and the full cafe, her options were limited. The only two tables with room to spare were mine near the wall and the one next to me where two of my guardians were now sitting. The couple who had been there had rushed away the moment I had sat down. Even then, my table had more room to offer her.

Her eyes eventually passed over me again when she realized her predicament, and I straightened out under her gaze, looking down towards the empty chair as a quiet peace offering. All I got in return was an admittedly well-deserved eyeroll. Suddenly, she smirked victoriously - first at me and then at something behind me.

I twisted slightly to see a lone person standing up to clear his table and leave. She'd have to pass right by me, though. If I was quick, I could ask to meet with her later.

She was almost close enough for me to say something when someone else called out to her.

"Hey, Rose. Are you going to the Council today?"

Rose stopped suddenly as Phillips greeted her. She smiled pleasantly for a moment, still keeping a hopeful eye on her table as she answered. "Yup. Just grabbing a bite before I do."

"Are they going to let you in?" Langley laughed openly and Phillips's grin grew a little more. I even heard Adams stifle a small chuckle from somewhere against the wall near me.

Rose glared behind me at what I could only assume was the person who had just stolen her seat before shaking off the offense and smiling at Langley.

"That's an excellent question." She set her plate on their table and leaned against the chair, not quite willing to take the seat yet. Biting into one of her eclairs, she continued, "But I figure I should give it a try. I'll also try to be on good behavior."

"I certainly hope not! That group deserves all the grief you can give them over that stupid age law." Phillips bumped her arm with his own, encouraging her to playfully smack him back. Their banter was borderline flirtation and while it was hard enough to watch on my own, knowing just how much Adrian cared for her made it seem a bit worse. The only saving grace was the fact that I knew Rose was somehow still oblivious to her effect on most men, especially guys like Phillips.

I was so caught up in their actions that I had almost missed their conversation. When it registered, I looked at Phillips, then the others in turn before settling on Rose. "What age law?"

She finally looked towards me again, this time without malice but with something akin to resignation. With a deep sigh, she told me, "The decree where royals think sending sixteen-year-old dhampirs out to fight Strigoi is the same as sending eighteen-year-olds."

I stiffened, spine turning ramrod straight in shock at her words. "Which sixteen-year-olds are fighting Strigoi?"

Several of the guardians also tensed at my sudden reaction. Rose choked a bit herself, but eventually answered. "That's the decree. Dhampirs graduate when they're sixteen now."

"When did this happen?" I knew I should be keeping my frustration in check. It probably sounded like I was personally holding her responsible for everything. By the way she nervously rocked on her feet, pointedly avoiding looking at me while gnawing at the corner of her lip, she seemed to agree. I had seen that look a time or two when she knew I was disappointed in her for something. Why she blamed herself for something like this, though, I couldn't begin to imagine.

"Just the other day." She looked at the five people surrounding us and I followed her gaze. "Nobody told you?"

While the others shifted or shrugged, only Adams seemed to stare ahead with no regret. I'd be willing to place money that he had told the others to leave topics like that off the table when chatting with me. He had been so concerned about something triggering an episode in me that he had been almost overprotective. I don't think I had even heard any of the guardians say the word 'Strigoi' in my presence over the past few days. If he wouldn't let that word slip out of their mouths, I was certain he wouldn't want them discussing a decree that would send children off to fight them.

I was still eyeing him bitterly when I answered her. "No."

Everything seemed to still as I realized the implications of what this new law meant. The idea that children - because I couldn't think of another word to call them at the moment except children - would be sent out into the world to fight literal monsters? It was absurd. They would be almost a decade younger than me, and even I still felt too inexperienced many days. I had fallen. Many other seasoned guardians fall. Sending children out that young was nothing more than pushing out fodder for the front lines.

Rose had been a year, nearly two, older than the kids they were going to send out when I had met her and she wasn't even close to being ready back then. Yes, she was now an amazing guardian who could easily take on almost any adversary, but that hadn't come about easily. It certainly hadn't come without sacrifice, either. She had trained harder than most novices.

She was the exception, not the rule. Guardians like Rose were unusual. Even when she had come back to the academy without the proper training, you could still see her underlying talent and drive. Between that and her strict training over the last year, she had pushed ahead to the top of her class. The attack on the academy should have shown that. Yes, the fact that she had fought and killed several Strigoi during the Academy attack with Christian by her side had created some waves, but had the Council forgotten the students who died when they bravely joined in during the same attack? Did they forget Mason who died fighting alongside her just a few months prior to that? Even now, I was sure at least one of Rose's former classmates had already died in the line of duty and it had only been a few months since they had all received their promise marks.

The sudden thought of Victoria hit me. She was supposed to have another full year of training before graduation. Last I heard, she was actually going for her promise mark instead of just a graduation mark like my other sisters. If that was still true, she could be sent out into the field immediately.

And Paul. Paul had just been a baby when I saw him last. Was he maybe five now? Six? Just barely starting his training. In ten years he would be fighting the worst things imaginable. I had seen just how horrible and depraved they could be firsthand. I had been part of that sadistic mindset, and imagining that sweet and innocent baby I had once held being thrust up against those monsters? It was inhumane.

I pushed my coffee away, unable to stomach the bitterness of it on top of the news. "That's insane," I said. "Morality aside, they aren't ready that young. It's suicide."

Rose nodded gently. "I know. Tasha gave a really good argument against it. I did too."

I eyed her suspiciously. Something told me that her 'good argument' wasn't exactly a 'polite argument.' That idea was confirmed when I saw Phillips bite back a smile. The memory of Phillips and that bastard Henderson talking about Rose the other day outside my cell began painting a clearer picture of her being the so-called 'hellraiser' at whatever council meeting this was decided in. I definitely didn't put it past her to voice a passionate opinion.

"Was it a close vote?"

"Very close," she huffed. "If Lissa could have voted, it wouldn't have passed."

"Ah, the quorum." I traced the lip of my coffee cup as I remembered some of the details given to me when I had initially taken on the job as Vasilisa's guardian. Obviously keeping her alive was key, like any guardian assignment, but the dossier had placed special emphasis on making sure she was alive long enough to ensure the Dragomir bloodline. She needed to have children, ideally several of them, to make sure that Dragomirs could grow again to the royal family it once had been. It was almost uncomfortable to read how people were already planning an early marriage and pregnancy for her, but when the documents detailed some of the requirements of the quorum law, it started to make a little more sense. Beyond ensuring the bloodline, it would allow the Dragomirs to finally be a part of the ruling class again. Not only would she hold the title fully, with all the rights and responsibilities it came with, but she would be allowed to make decisions that affected the wider population. She needed at least one more blood relative to make that happen, so unless she had a child early, she would be barred from her political birthright.

She looked at me, surprised. "You know about that?"

"It's an old Moroi law."

"So I hear." Her annoyance with the matter was pretty clear.

"What's the opposition trying to do?" The other guardians around us had seemed to relax a bit around us once they realized we weren't going to start biting each other's heads off. A few of them were almost ignoring us entirely, even though I knew they would jump up the moment they were needed. "Are they trying to sway the council back or get Vasilisa the Dragomir vote?"

"Both. And other things."

I rubbed my temples a moment and took a deep breath before answering with a groan. "They can't do that. They need to pick one cause and throw their weight behind it. Vasilisa's the smartest choice. The Council needs the Dragomirs back, and I've seen the way people look at her when they put me on display." The blatant stares were already starting to subside a little, but even now I could feel people's eyes on me. I doubted that they would ever truly go away. Thankfully, Vasilisa was recognized just as often now, but she was stared at with awe rather than disgust. The people were already falling in love with she could do and what she meant for the future. "It wouldn't be hard to get support for that - if they don't divide their efforts."

I could feel myself fidgeting as I tried to find some way to help. Obviously speaking up personally would only hinder the movement. A former Strigoi protesting a cause to send  _more_ dhampirs to fight strigoi looked suspicious on all counts. Not to mention that my political clout in Court Council sessions was next to nothing. Even before everything that had happened, I had been respected in the dhampir community far more than any Moroi one. I might have had some pull with Guardian Headquarters once upon a time, but even they had little say on what the Moroi Council decided in the long run. This new law was proof of that. I doubted Hans would have ever supported such a horrific measure.

I did know someone with the ability to sway the Council a little, though. I'd beg on my knees if that was what was needed to get her to speak to me again. She was angry with me, and rightly so, but surely she could look past that justified anger if it meant saving hundreds of young dhampirs who would otherwise die due to this law. I didn't even know if I had anything to offer, but I couldn't stay silent while there was a small chance that I could help somehow.

"The next time you see Tasha, will you send her to me? We need to talk about this."

Rose pulled back, choking out a small sardonic laugh. "So, Tasha could be your friend, but not me?"

It seemed the cease-fire between us was quickly coming to an end.

"Is there any way we could have some privacy?" I glanced towards my guard and they all looked towards Adams for confirmation. All of them quickly stepped back a little, except Phillips, who narrowed his eyes in warning before joining the others.

She finally sat across from me, leaning heavily against the table. I followed suit until we were almost forehead to forehead, creating a small private space for us to talk inside of the busy cafe.

"You and Tasha have completely different situations." I had hurt Tasha because of my actions with Christian, no doubt, but I hadn't held her captive and tortured her. "She can safely be in my life. You can't."

"And yet it's apparently okay for me to be in your life when it's convenient - say, like, running errands or passing along messages." She absentmindedly pulled her hair over one shoulder in exasperation and my eyes were instantly drawn like a moth to the flame.

Right there, over the lingering scars that served as a reminder of what I had put her through, was a new mark. A fresh bite. One that I was certain had come within the last twenty-four hours.

_I'm going to kill him._

I had no right to be angry. Not really. I owned many more of those scars on her body. I was fairly certain that this one was at least consensual, unlike the ones I had given her. Still, seeing another mark on her burned something inside me. The worst part of it was that it wasn't all fury. Some of it almost felt like...desire. I wanted to hate Adrian for biting her, but it was all misplaced rage that his bite stirred something deep inside that I had hoped was dead. It was further confirmation that I should be far away from her. If she knew what she was doing to me right now, she would run and never look back.

"It doesn't really seem like you need me in your life." I nodded towards the wound.

There was one small moment where I saw embarrassment flash in her eyes. Then it was pushed back, leaving her looking confident despite my comment. She squared her shoulders, flipping her hair over the fresh bite mark and leveled with me. "That's none of your business."

"Exactly. Because you need to live your own life...far away from me."

"Oh, for God's sake! Will you stop with the-"

I pushed back from my seat, quickly standing as I realized something was very wrong. The moment she saw what had caught my attention, she mirrored my actions.

The Queen's Guard had entered the room quickly, unmistakably there for something other than coffee and doughnuts. The moment they looked our way, they started surrounding us.

It was highly unusual to see them outside of the palace or some formal ceremonial setting. Despite being guardians themselves, they were almost like enigmas. Even the fact that they wore their black and white's daily rather than saving the uniform specifically for special events seemed to place them in a class of their own above other guardians. That red pin on their collar distinguished them wherever they went. All of it was a just a symbol for the skill they possessed, however. These were the best of the best. They had all proven themselves to be lethal fighters and were chosen with care out of the pool of contenders. You had to be nominated just to audition for the Queen's guard. Actually being offered the honor was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

And now that power, efficiency, and skills were turned towards us.

Even with the table between us, we fell back to back. It was almost instinctual how quickly we jumped into a defensive position together. I watched with a vague sense of dismay as the five men who had been my protection over the past few days deserted me and fell in line with those who were now ready to take us down. Only Adams seemed sympathetic and somewhat regretful as to what we both knew was about to happen.

The sudden thought that Rose, another sanctioned guardian, might abandon me as well sent a shock of horror through me. I had to quickly glance behind me to make sure she was still there, but my worry dissipated as I saw her standing firm in my defense. She wouldn't back down from our fight.

"You need to come with us right now," one of the queen's guards ordered. The double pin marked him as a captain of the guard. "If you resist, we'll take you by force."

"Leave him alone! He hasn't done anything! Why can't you guys accept that he's really a dhampir now?" She shouted at the man. I could hear her temper quickly rising, but that didn't concern me nearly as much as something else - he hadn't looked at me when he commanded us to stand down.

The captain arched an eyebrow. "I wasn't talking to him."

"You're . . . you're here for me?" Her voice went from firm to child-like in a flash as she realized that she was the one they were actually after.

"What for?" I demanded, grasping for the courage the guards had tried to steal from her just moments before. They ignored me.

"Don't make me repeat myself: Come with us quietly, or we will make you." I saw him reach for something on his hip - something that had a silver-like glint - and I tensed.

"That's crazy! I'm not going anywhere until you tell me how the hell this-"

Two guardians lunged for her, but speed had always been on Rose's side. I heard a chair skid across the linoleum towards one man while a grunt came from another as her strike hit home. The table between us kept me away from the main scuffle, but when I turned to help her I couldn't do much more than stare. I was simply stunned into stillness.

Rose twisted the arm of another guardian's arm around his back and used him as a defensive shield to block another man before kicking them both down towards the ground. It wouldn't keep them down for long, but Rose wasn't aiming to kill or even maim. She was trying to defend herself against dozens of the best trained guardians. And so far, she was winning.

She dodged another hit but the second punch seemed to knock her off balance. One of the guards used that moment of instability to jerk arm back and tried to cuff her. The grimace on her face snapped me out of my frozen state. I moved around the table, knocking it over as I did so, and grabbed him.

"Don't touch her." His eyes widened at my feral demand, but he let go just long enough for me to throw him back and away from her.

I pulled Rose behind me, putting myself between her and the guardians that were threatening us.

More of the Royal Guard ran forward, trying to get through me so they could grab her. They weren't going to touch her unless they took me first and there was no way I was going to leave her while I was still breathing.

I had no qualms about hurting anyone who tried to take Rose away. The first man who swung at me earned a dislocated shoulder for his efforts and the next man won a broken nose. The crunch was almost satisfying under my hand as I knew each strike took down one more adversary.

A part of me knew that this wasn't a battle either of us could win. Every door in the place was blocked off, making escape pretty much impossible. That was assuming we could even make it to a door. There were almost two dozen guardians keeping us from getting even that far. We were vastly outnumbered, and no amount of skill could compensate for that. That didn't mean I would give up easily.

I felt Rose move behind me, trying to shift forward and join me in the fray. I shoved her against the back wall again. "Stay back." If they even had a slight chance of doing so, they would try to take her away from me. "They aren't laying a hand on you."

Three more men were on the ground before I heard her shouting.

"Stop!"

I grabbed the man who had tried to come at me from one side. He must have somehow reached her. I pulled him closer by his wrist while slamming the side of his head him with my fist. He dropped instantly, but her screaming didn't stop.

Someone else grabbed me and I stopped myself just a moment before realizing who it was. I had been about to instinctively grab the hand and pry it off me. With how battle-crazed I was at that moment, I probably would have broken Rose's wrist before noticing that it was her rather than someone else from the guard. However, it was the way she said my name that stopped me cold.

"Dimitri! Stop! Don't fight anymore!"

"Rose -" Someone was already taking hold of me and I could see another person making their way towards her.

"STOP!" The way she shouted the word seemed to still almost everyone. Mostly. I was still struggling against the person trying to pull me away and a few other guardians looked around towards one another to see how to proceed.

Rose stepped in front of me, nearly side by side with the man gripping me. I saw his eyes flit towards her, debating if he should try to capture her instead, but one glare from me stopped him cold. He did tighten his hold on me, however.

She placed her hands on my chest as if gently holding me back from the men that now stood at her back. "Stop," she whispered. "Don't fight them anymore. I'm going to go with them."

"No. I won't let them take you." I tried to move forward by she pressed me back again.

"You have to." I could feel my heart beating fast, and it wasn't just the fight that made it race. It was how calm she looked. She had already made her choice.

_No. They'll lock her away. I...I haven't apologized. I need to talk to her still. I need to tell her I'm sorry._

But she was already turning away from me. I saw one of the guards stepping forward, cuffs open and ready to arrest her.

No. I couldn't let them take her.

I tensed. My hand was already moving to incapacitate him, but almost as quickly as I had started my attack, she twisted. Her hand snapped up, blocking my hit as if it was intended for her rather than her would-be captor.

Without so much as a wince from my strike, she slowly let her arm drag down mine until our hands met. I stared at our intertwined fingers and where her skin burned against mine for a second before meeting her eyes again.

"Please," she said with a soft smile. It almost looked sad. "No more."

She glanced towards either side of us. The cafe's counter was nearly invisible with a number of people trying to press against it to get away from us. From me. A woman hid her young daughter behind her legs. I could see the little girl in a pink dress gripping her mother's skirt tightly. She was crying as she peeked out at me and quickly hid her face when she saw me notice her. To her, I was still a monster - now more than ever.

Everything I had tried to fix over the past few days had been completely undone within seconds. I had tried to show that I wasn't a threat, and now several guardians were unconscious and bleeding at my feet.

If it kept Rose safe, though, it was worth it.

As she stepped back, shaking her head slowly, I knew that my chance to fight for her was already long gone. I had thrown it away with a few words in the church. She squeezed my hand one last time and then turned away.

Her hands were already raised, offered towards the man who had originally told her to she was under arrest, when I felt other people close in on me. This time I didn't fight them.

"I'll go quietly..." she said as someone ripped my hands behind me. "...But please…" Someone kicked the back of my knees, knocking me towards the ground. "...Don't lock him back up..." Another kick had me laying face first on the cafe floor. "...He just thought...he just thought I was in trouble."

Then our handcuffs clicked almost in tandem.

Several of the guardians started helping one another up, one grabbing a handful of napkins for another whose nose was still bleeding profusely. He eyed me venomously but I had no regrets.

The head guardian cleared his throat and took a deep breath. The room seemed to go silent waiting for him.

"Rose Hathaway, you are under arrest for high treason."

My heart stopped.  _No…_

"What kind of high treason?" Her calmness was almost eerie.

"The murder of Her Royal Majesty, Queen Tatiana."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, If you are on my Facebook Page, you know I've been pretty sick and it made it so I couldn't write/post. Basically, I've had a nasty cough for over a month now, and it was getting out of hand (like...to the point where I was passing out) and for several days I couldn't do much more than lay in bed and try not to die. I've been in and out of the doctor's office doing some tests and x-rays, and while we're still not quite sure what's going on, the medication they've given me has made it so that I can resume some normal activities as long as I don't overdo things. Running? No. Writing? YES!
> 
> Also, just a friendly reminder: I will never quit on these stories. I won't quit on those who READ these stories. So, if I miss a week, know that it's because I need to deal with something in my real life (health, family, etc). I will always come back. 
> 
> Otherwise, I know several people have been waiting for a discussion between Adrian and Dimitri! Was it what you were expecting? How do you think this changes their relationship?
> 
> The question of the week is: What's the most annoying habit somebody can have? Personally, I hate it when someone keeps interrupting me or tries to talk over me.
> 
> Thanks for reading. Don't forget to fave, follow, share the story and leave your thoughts below. Also, jump on my facebook page to keep updated and join in on the discussions.


	17. Chapter 17

I was still on my stomach, pressed hard onto the cold and dirty tiles, watching in horror as they led Rose away.

"Rose?" My voice seemed empty as I tried to call out to her. It was hard to breathe, and my position on the ground had absolutely nothing to do with it. It was all due to the fact that I was currently useless. I couldn't protect her.

Two men violently grabbed her, urging her forward to follow the captain of the Queen's guard. She stumbled over her own feet until they practically had to carry her out of the cafe. She wasn't resisting, she just seemed stunned.

I felt someone pull me up. It didn't really matter who it was because I didn't care. All I could do was watch as they marched her away. Every step they took sent another nauseous wave of dread through me.

Just before they walked out the door, with the full army of the Queen's Guard surrounding her, she looked back over her shoulder towards me. Her eyes were wide with confusion. And fear.

"Roza!"

She never called back to me. She wasn't able to before the door slammed shut between us.

"Come on, Dimitri. Let's get out of here." I moved quickly as Adams led me through the same door they had walked Rose through. I could still see her and the others. Every time I tried to move towards her, they held me back. Even my desperate, pleading looks towards Adams didn't buy me any sympathy.

Eventually, our path diverted from hers.

"Wait! Where are we going?" I tried to pull back towards Rose.

"You haven't been officially placed under arrest," Adams said flatly. I could hear Phillips whisper 'yet' under his breath from my other side. "We're bringing you back to the apartment until someone gives us further instructions."

I struggled once more, only to be jolted so hard that my head snapped back. Adams was suddenly in front of me, giving me a look I had never seen from him. In fact, I didn't think I had seen that look from anyone before. Anger, yes, but there was also some concern. Mostly anger, though.

"Dimitri!" His shout seemed loud enough to be heard across the entire Court, yet focused enough that the full force hit only my ears. "You aren't getting back to her, do you understand? She's gone. Rose is gone. The Queen's Guard has taken her and it's up to them as to what happens to her next."

"But…" I struggled a little again. I needed to get to Rose. I needed to make sure she was okay.

"Dimitri! Look at me!" I continued to watch the guard taking Rose, only sparing him a quick glance. "You are already cuffed. The taser is next, do you understand? You  _will_ be coming back to the apartment for now. I swear, this is your last warning."

I debated whether or not it was worth the electric shock to try to make a run for it. Seeing my hesitation, Adams's hand started slowing working towards his hip holster. Knowing that I wouldn't get very far - maybe a few steps before the taser hit me and even less afterward – gave up. At least for now.

They started leading me towards the apartment again, and I was able to catch one last glimpse of her before I was pushed into the lobby of the building.

BREAK

They didn't uncuff me once we were inside. Instead, Phillips unceremoniously pushed me onto the couch and took the chair across from me, watching me a hawk. A furious hawk.

Adams had flipped the latch on the door, leaving only Monet outside to watch the hall. The rest of the men took positions around the apartment in various stages of relaxation. And by 'relaxation' I mean they varied from fairly tense to extremely tense.

Langley paced over by the window watching for some sort of activity outside. Adams stood resolute near the door. His face was void of emotion, but his eyes faintly showed his distress over the whole situation. Even then, his body still seemed to radiate tension, and no amount of kindness could negate the fact that his hand was still ghosting over his taser.

Only Hunter still seemed to have some compassion left in him. He brought a cup of water to me, holding it against my lips so that I could drink. After a few sips, I shook my head and declined any more. I still felt fairly nauseous and didn't want to take any chances.

"Where are they taking her?" Nobody answered me immediately. "Is she okay? Where did they take her?"

Everyone but Adams refused to look at me. "You know the answer to that already, Dimitri," he finally sighed. "They've probably taken her to solitary by now."

It didn't escape me that he refused to tell me if she was okay. And it wasn't because he needed to check with someone. He was right, I already knew the answer to that.

She was being accused of high treason.

Even if she was alright at the moment, she wouldn't be for long.

Silence fell over the room as we all waited for some sort of direction as to what would happen next. My mind filled with everything I should have done differently.

_I shouldn't have said those horrible things to her._

_I should have fought harder._

And perhaps the thing that kept floating through my mind most often:

_I shouldn't have let them take her. I shouldn't have let her go_.

BREAK

Adams radio crackled several times over the next few hours, and I was able to put together little bits and pieces of information from the fractured words that I could hear. He only answered one call, stating that I was secure in the apartment until further notice, but otherwise, he simply let the messages come in and out like a police scanner.

It was apparently a madhouse outside. Guardians were trying to secure all sorts of locations to keep small riots from forming. People had tried to flee Court, but apparently, the place had been put on lockdown. The palace had too, for security and to collect evidence. I silently prayed that they'd find something to exonerate Rose, but no concrete information came over the radio to say either way. Hours seemed to pass like days. My arms were practically numb by the time Hunter suggested uncuffing me. Adams hesitated, and Phillips flat out refused, but after another hour, they relented.

I twisted my wrists, trying to get some blood flow when a knock pounded loudly at the door. Phillips stepped in front of me, partially blocking me before Adams opened it to check who was on the other side. His shoulders relaxed as he pulled the door open further, letting Hans in.

All it took was a single look. I could see just how much his jaw clenched as he walked into the room and how tense he was standing near me. By the way he averted his gaze, it was clear that any goodwill that had been built between us before was now completely shattered because of my actions this morning. It was also pretty clear that there was more than just my final sentence weighing on his mind. If anyone would know more information about Rose, it would be him.

"So," he started, addressing Adams, "we're placing him under strict house arrest. No visitors for the time being. Make sure there are at least three people here at all times, preferably five. It's obvious that he can still fight when provoked." The way that Hans spoke as if I wasn't in the room was aggravating, but I realized too late why he was doing so – he was distancing himself. The thought was confirmed seconds later when he gave his final instruction. "Use force, even deadly force, if needed."

Phillips cleared his throat. "If he's such a threat, why aren't we locking him in a cell, too?"

"Partially because the public already believes he's contained. If we marched him over to the prison now, it would only cause more disruption. We can't handle that. However, if you feel that this task is too big for you to handle here, then we can take the chance." He looked around the room, getting everyone's answer. "Good. Then we're done here."

He started back towards the door when I felt the urge to call out to him.

"Guardian Croft!" It felt like forever since I had used his formal title, but I had lost the privilege of niceties between us. He paused before turning back towards me. "I'm sorry. I was just trying to protect her."

The cold look that he had given me before thawed slightly as he answered, "I know."

BREAK

Treason. She was being tried for treason. High treason. The murder of Queen Tatiana.

It all seemed so absurd that I kept trying to wake myself up from the nightmare.

There was no doubt in my mind that as to whether or not Rose was guilty. She was reckless, but she wasn't stupid. So if she didn't do it, then who did? They obviously had a good reason to believe that she committed the act or they wouldn't have arrested her. That meant she must have been framed somehow. That only left more questions, though. How? Who? And most importantly, why?

I couldn't sleep with all those lingering, unanswered questions in my mind. Interspersed with the thoughts of 'Is she okay?' and 'What happens next?' there was no way for me to settle down. I couldn't even stay seated for more than a few minutes.

I felt like I was in my cell. Yes, in some ways this was easier. There was more space and some semblance of privacy when needed. However, it was also more maddening because it wasn't steel bars holding me back. All that stood between me and freedom was a deadbolt on the door. Well, that and a Glock-22 coupled with Phillips and his happy trigger finger.

"Dimitri, you need to sit down." Hunter pointed to the couch and threw me the remote to the television. "I know you're upset, but the pacing isn't doing any of us any good. Just try to take your mind off of it for now."

"I can't." I sat down, but instead of clicking on the TV, I closed my eyes and raked my fingers through my hair a few times before scratching at the invisible itch near the top of my neck. It always seemed to appear when I was stressed.

I felt the weight of the couch shift followed by something tapping against my knee. When I looked over, I saw a new Western paperback in Adams's hand. Wulf's Tracks by Dusty Richards. I'd read several of the author's books before and his name always struck me as quite fitting for a Western author. I had yet to read this particular novel, though.

I pulled my lips tight in what probably looked more like a grimace rather than a thankful smile, and took the book. The spine hadn't even been cracked yet. It was an obvious gift, brand new and purchased specifically for me, and the least I could do was acknowledge the gesture, even if I was too distracted to offer the proper gratitude.

"I know it's hard, Dimitri," he said, "but we'll let you know as soon as we hear anything."

It seemed like their initial anger was dampening with every passing hour. Perhaps it was seeing that I wasn't going to try and attack them like I had attacked the other guardians in the cafe. Maybe it was the fact that I was looking more like a pathetic mess than a crazed madman. Well, I probably still looked like a crazed madman, but not a homicidal one that was going to go on a rampage against  _them_ anytime soon.

I won't lie, the brief thought of attacking them and making a break for the jail to see Rose had crossed my mind. I had a sudden new appreciation for Rose skirting the rules to see me when I had been locked away. I hadn't welcomed her affection, but I now understood the desire to make sure I was alright. I'd do nearly anything to make sure she was okay now.

BREAK

The dawn had long passed and the sun was now peeking over the trees when someone knocked on the door again. This time, Guardian Croft let himself in.

"They're taking Miss Hathaway in for her hearing now."

"Already?!" Two voices echoed mine – Adams's on the left and Phillips's on the right.

"Yes." He closed his eyes, a small bit of emotion breaking the professional mask less than a heartbeat before he continued. "The prosecution feels that they have enough evidence to move forward and press for a trial."

If they were this confident at the hearing, I could only imagine what type of evidence they had already. They probably already had a good argument and case building against her, and it hadn't even been twenty-four hours since her arrest.

That sensation of breathing too fast, but without any air, was coming back in full force. I tried to take the slow, deliberate breaths needed to gain control again, but I couldn't focus enough to count them in and out. All I could see was the council handing out a guilty verdict – a death sentence. It would be a lethal punishment for a crime I knew she hadn't committed. Of course, that hardly mattered if they had enough evidence to make people believe that she did.

"Dimitri." My name was enough to snap me out of my panic attack, at least for the time being. Hans looked at me with some concern and waited until I was able to take a deep, shuddering breath before speaking again. "Princess Vasilisa has asked you to be present as a support for Rose. Excuse me - Miss Hathaway." He was distancing himself from her too. While the thought sent another shot of fear through me (he was obviously doubting her ability to actually pull through this), he was allowing me a chance to stand with her.

"Will I be allowed to go?"

The room instantly tensed with my question. It had already been stated that I was under house arrest because I would cause a disturbance if I were seen outside and 'unsecured' by the general public. I had already proven myself to be a disturbance if properly provoked and seeing Rose accused of murder might easily set me off again – at least in their minds. Would they really allow me to go simply because Princess Dragomir asked? Vasilisa had quite a bit of power for someone so young, but it wasn't limitless.

"Yes," he answered simply.

I couldn't help myself. "Why?"

"Besides the princess requesting it? I believe that it would do you some good to be seen near Rose and still be completely in control, despite what might happen in that courtroom. That means standing in the back, totally silent, and acting with complete decorum."

In other words, he seemed to want me to be seen as the guardian I once was – or at least a facsimile of him. I had shown my lethal potential earlier, reminding everyone that I had once been Strigoi. Now it was my turn to be quiet, still, and polite to remind everyone that I had also been a guardian. Perhaps, if they were watching close enough, they might remember that almost all guardians had a deadly power to them, but just chose to contain their abilities until society deemed it appropriate.

"This is insane, Hans!" Hans didn't seem to like Phillips calling him by his proper name rather than his proper title, but Phillips continued his rant completely unaware of his faux pas. "He'll start a riot just by walking in there!"

A few of the others also seemed to waver on the idea, but Adams gave him a curious look.

"I would have thought you, of all people, would have wanted to be there to support Rose as well?"

Phillips came up short on his reply, suddenly realizing what Adams what implying. He gawked at him before slowly eyeing me for my reaction. I didn't offer any response, but he seemed to instinctively know that he had been caught. Apparently, he seemed to be under the delusion that his affections had gone totally unnoticed by everyone, but as Hunter and Langley gave a slight nod affirming Adams' unspoken accusation, he bowed his head in resignation.

Just like that, we all seemed to be in agreement.

"Let's go then."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving to everyone in the USA! This week's Question of the Week is going to be pretty easy: What are you thankful for?
> 
> I'm thankful that we are getting closer to Last Sacrifice! Seriously. We have two chapters to go after this. I'm considering a third but I think I'll leave that for the next book. I did want to let you all know that after we close this book, I will be taking a few weeks off to regain my sanity and prepare for the last book in this series. This is just your early notice of that. The first chapter will probably show up the first week or so of the new year.
> 
> In all seriousness, though, I'm thankful for my family who has been super supportive. Especially my wonderful husband. He's the one that kicks me out of the house at least once a week so I can get these stories ready. He's also the one who believes in me like nobody else. He's done everything from setting up a writing nook in our home to researching and sending me links on publishing options when it comes to my first original novel. I truly couldn't do this without him.
> 
> I also wouldn't be where I am now without you guys. I never really thought anyone would read my work. I really didn't anticipate people actually FOLLOWING my stories for this long. I had a reader tell me that they had waited YEARS for Last Sacrifice and I knew they meant that literally – they were one of my first followers. You amazing, wonderful, supportive, fantastic readers (and double all that for the reviewers!) are the reason I have gained so much confidence in my abilities and want to pursue something I've dreamed about for years. Thank you. 
> 
> Thank you again. I'd love to hear your comments so please review, share, fav and follow. Also, don't forget to join us on the facebook page (link in my bio)


	18. Chapter 18

I pulled at my handcuffs, which had been clamped down like a vice around my wrists, while I watched the last few people shuffle into the courtroom. I hadn't been entirely surprised when the cuffs had come out again, but that didn't make them any more comfortable. The anxiety I had once felt by their restriction was completely gone, though. Or maybe I just couldn't feel it under the sheer panic I now felt as I stood here in the back of the courtroom. Even with my racing heart, I felt my resolve build with every passing moment.

I had a purpose. I was going to be there for her. I wasn't going to leave Rose to go through this alone. Not again. I owed it to her.

Despite the sun and the hour, the courtroom seemed packed with people. It was hardly surprising that people would be eager for new news about Queen Tatiana's death, but even I was surprised by the number of people who were here to witness the hearing in person rather than waiting for the gossip to spread tomorrow morning.

I was standing with my guards in a designated, out of the way, and mostly hidden spot against the wall. Vasilisa was already seated directly behind the defense's table, with Christian, Tasha, and Adrian next her. None of those people really surprised me, as they all were close with Rose and knew her enough to know without a doubt that she was innocent. Even Adrian, who was close to his great-aunt, knew that Rose would never kill the woman. I felt a pull of sympathy towards him. The confident man that I had seen just over a day ago was nowhere in sight. I couldn't see him fully, but his body swayed slightly. It might have been exhaustion, but with his history, I suspected that his vices were to blame.

_Stop it,_ I chastised myself.  _He's entitled to handle this how he sees fit. He's just lost a family member and might be close to losing Rose as well. Even worse, Rose is being blamed for his loved one's death._

Another man, who I could only assume was her lawyer, sat at the defendant's table and was flipping through a small stack of papers. I desperately hoped that it wasn't someone who was just randomly appointed to represent Rose during this trial. With such short notice, it was totally within the realm of possibility. However, his well-cut suit screamed expensive taste and an even more expensive payment for the use of his legal services. A guardian would never be able to afford that sort of attorney on their own, but perhaps he was working pro bono. This would be the case of the century - making his career if he somehow won, and still cementing his name in history just for being willing to represent her at all.

I continued to scan the room, following a pattern that had been burned into me over years of training and saw again just how many people there really were. I began to notice that while both halves of the court were full, they both seemed to be filled with people who were ready to condemn Rose on the spot. Everyone, except her friends, gave as wide a berth as possible from the defense table, even going as far as to sit one or two spare rows behind Vasilisa and the others just so people knew that they were in no way sympathizing with the defendant.

' _Wouldn't want to be caught cohorting with the murderer, now would we?_ _'_  I thought bitterly, doing my best not to glare at the whole group of them.

My attention was suddenly torn from the rest of the room when a door opened. Rose was walked into the room with Mikhail on the left and another guardian on the right. Her hands were bound in front of her, just like mine were. As she walked past me, she did so with determination. I watched her shoulders adjust back a little further and her chin raise a half inch. While some might have assumed the look was proud or defiant, I knew it was meant to be a sign of confidence. I also knew it was a false symbol. She might be totally self-assured of her own innocence and determined to show that to others, but I could also plainly see the missing tenacity underneath it all, making this current show of fearlessness nothing more than a mask. Still, I mimicked her actions, as if I could lend her some of my own faith, even though I knew both of us were lacking.

She didn't look anywhere but at the front of the room where a judge sat waiting on a dais. While she seemed to be in control of the proceedings, she was just a figurehead. It was the people behind her that were actually pulling all the strings - the Moroi Council. While I was sure the judge could keep Rose from ever going to trial (provided the evidence swung towards innocence rather than guilt), corruption is found in all political realms. I was certain that the decision whether or not to send Rose to trial had been made well before she had even stepped out of her cell.

"This hearing is now in order, in which we will determine whether there is enough evidence to-" A strange commotion started outside the door before she was able to finish her sentence.

There had been people shouting outside for a while, but this noise was unique. This person wasn't just another chaotic rioter acting on raw emotions. No, whoever it was sounded confident and bold in their request - as if they knew they belonged here. The voice also sounded vaguely familiar, though I couldn't place it for the life of me.

The judge bristled with the sudden interruption. "What's this disturbance about?"

A guardian slipped partially through the door, calling across the long hall. "The accused's lawyer is here, Your Honor."

Everyone seemed confused, looking between the door and the judge. Even Rose and the man sitting next to her seemed unsure as to how to proceed with the news. The judge eventually said what we all were thinking.

"She already has a lawyer."

The guardian disappeared for a moment, door still partially open, before peeking through again and shrugging. The man seemed completely at a loss as to what to do, looking for any sort of direction of how to handle the situation now unfolding. He'd send him away if the judge demanded it, but she didn't.

"Fine. Send whoever it is up here and let's get this settled."

The moment I saw him enter the doors, I froze, wishing that she would have ordered him not only out of the courtroom but out of Court itself. Though I doubted this man would follow any order given to him. He wasn't one to bother with laws if they didn't suit his ultimate goal.

Zmey.

Several other people seemed to recognize him as well, and most of them gave him the proper respect - at best, they were in awe of him; at worst, they rightly feared him. I fell in the latter category. I was fully aware of this man's power.

My head snapped to Rose, wondering what would bring him here to her. She had mentioned him once in Russia, but I had been so absorbed in my own agenda back then that I couldn't remember anything she had said about him. Did she owe him a favor? If she hadn't back then, she certainly would now. Favors from him came with a large price, and when he came to collect, he demanded payment in full, no matter how high the cost.

But rather than fearful or awed, she seemed almost bothered by his presence here. Not in the sense that he set her on edge, but almost like his presence was annoying. Her total disregard for the seriousness of the matter made me jittery. Adams gave me a warning look when I started to shift a little too much for his liking - a cautioning threat to settle down or I'd be removed from the room. If it wasn't for my desire to support Rose, that would have been just fine with me.

"Ibrahim Mazur," the judge greeted him, apparently already exasperated despite the fact that he had only just walked in. "This is...unexpected."

With a small flourishing bow, and apparently totally unaware of her tone (or at least ignoring it), he answered her back, "It's lovely to see you again, Paula. You haven't aged a day."

"We aren't at a country club, Mr. Mazur," she informed him, a bit more perturbed than before. "And while here, you will address me by my proper title."

"Ah. Right. My apologies, Your Honor." He winked and just like that the judge's ire seemed to disappear. Mr. Mazur's charm tended to have that effect on people. He turned a bit before settling on Rose. "There she is! Sorry to have delayed this. Let's get started."

The man next to her jumped up quickly, though not as quickly as his temper. "What is this? Who are you? I'm her lawyer."

Mr. Mazur shook his head and laughed good-naturedly. He even dared to step close to the red-faced man and place a hand on his shoulder. "There must have been some mistake. It took me awhile to get a flight here, so I can see why they would have appointed a community lawyer to fill in."

"Community lawyer!" The lawyer knocked Mr. Mazur's hand away. "I'm one of the most renowned lawyers among American Moroi."

"Renowned, community." Mr. Mazur weighed the two words between his hands and apparently found both inconsequential to him. "I don't judge. No pun intended." Another wink.

"Mr. Mazur," interrupted the judge, "are you a lawyer?"

"I'm a lot of things, Paula, ahem, Your Honor. Besides, does it matter? She only needs someone to speak for her."

"And she has someone! Me!" It was becoming very clear that the man was in this for either a paycheck or (more likely) the glory.

"Not anymore," said Mr. Mazur. He was still smiling, but the entire tone of the room seemed to shift with those two words. His playfulness was gone, replaced with an underlying threat. The man that was speaking now was the man that bent people to his will. This man could frighten even the most terrifying people in the world and not lose a bit of sleep while doing so.

"Your Honor-"

"Enough!" The whispers of those who had been excitedly fabricating all sorts of tales as to what was happening stopped instantaneously at the judge's demand. "Let the girl choose." The judge's eyes - and the eyes of every other person in this room, including mine - shifted towards Rose, eagerly awaiting her answer. "Who do you want to speak for you?"

"I . . ." She stumbled, as if now dizzy after all the volleying arguments from a few minutes ago. I silently begged her to choose the other lawyer. The real lawyer. Honestly, I'd be happy if she chose anyone other than Ibrahim Mazur.

It seemed at least one other person wanted to weigh in as Daniella Ivashkov, Adrian's mother, slid behind her to whisper something. Rose leaned back to listen, but something about the woman's sudden and willing advice made me wonder. I knew the woman had been sitting on the other side of the aisle a moment ago. If she had been hesitant to offer her support to Rose just moments before, then why was she so quick to have a say in the matter now? The only thing that made any sense was that her opinion had more to do with the lawyer's wellbeing rather than Rose's. If that was the case...I wasn't sure I trusted whatever she was saying, either.

Rose glanced between the two men a bit more, occasionally looking towards Daniella and even towards Vasilisa and the others (who seemed just as lost as she was), before she finally gave an answer.

She didn't seem overly enthusiastic, or perhaps overly confident, but with a sigh and a gesture, her choice was made. "I'll take him."

The audience started muttering again, the mass of them creating a dull roar, as the other lawyer started shouting something unintelligible. The only thing that was completely clear in the entire picture was the arrogant grin on Zmey's face as he watched the chaos erupting around him. To make matters worse, Rose seemed to already be regretting her choice before the other lawyer had even stopped out of the room. She and her new "lawyer" began arguing within seconds. Well, Rose seemed to argue. Mr. Mazur looked pleased with himself and the new situation.

Until he wasn't. There was a small moment where I watched all pretense of amusement drop from his face. He looked at her harshly - way too seriously for anybody's good - and said something to her that shut her up quicker than I had ever seen before. I didn't know what he said, in fact, I doubt anyone did over the commotion, but I knew that it wasn't good. He had something on her, something big, and whatever it was allowed him to have some sort of influence over her.

The prosecutor, a woman who eventually introduced herself as Iris Kane, laid out the facts of the case in grisly detail, including first-hand accounts of the scene and multiple pictures. The pictures were the most damning, it seemed. Or at least the most upsetting. They didn't spare any brutal detail: the Queen's shocked face, the blood-stained body and sheets, and (to my horror) a silver stake pressed directly through her heart. Even I wasn't immune to the effects of the images.

While most people gasped and murmured, some even crying on occasion, my emotions turned inward. I started to see scenes inside my head again. They all jumbled together in ways that didn't make sense. I saw a bloody corpse in an alley one moment and a staked body on the outskirts of a wooded area the next. I would see a terrified face running from me and then a face contorting from anger, to pain, and then to shocked death a second later. Every time I looked, though, no matter the image, there was always blood on my hands.

I tried to focus on the testimonies. I tried to focus on every piece of evidence presented. It didn't matter how much I focused, though. I kept falling back into those strange visions. It was only when Rose started walking towards the witness booth, escorted by Mikhail, that I came back to the present.

"Miss Hathaway." The prosecutor started questioning her, giving a special focus on the lack of title. "What time did you return to your room last night?"

"I don't know the exact time…" she looked out towards Mr. Mazur before focusing on the ground between them in concentration. "Somewhere around 5 a.m., I think. Maybe 6."

"Was anyone with you?"

A new wave of guilt ran through me. If I had found her to apologize, or better yet, if I had just been willing to listen to her in the first place (no matter how painful it would have been) then I might have been able to be her alibi. Or at the very least, she might have been willing to spend time with someone else rather than isolating herself and proving to be the perfect person to set up that day.

"No." She admitted before perking up slightly. "Well, yes. Later. Um...Adrian Ivashkov visited me."

While the prosecutor asked her about when he arrived, I urgently tried to remember exactly when he had spoken to me first. He had said that he was going to see Rose afterward. If he went directly over, then maybe I could help her. I tried to go back and recall anything: a clock, a television program in the background, anything that would give me a clue as to what time it might have been. Maybe the others knew.

I turned and leaned towards Adams. "What time di-"

"He came at 6:50 and left at 7:10." Apparently, Adams was already on the same page as me.

Mr. Mazur's voice spoke up over the questioning. "The queen's murder has been pretty accurately narrowed down to between seven and eight. Rose wasn't alone - of course, we would need Mr. Ivashkov to testify to that effect."

Yes. Yes! She had a solid alibi. Adrian was there with her and as long as he gave his testimony, which I knew he would, she would be fine. Adrian could be the one to get her out of all this.

Rose wore the barest hint of a smile as she looked towards Adrian - her savior. He didn't seem to have any reaction, at least from what I could see from standing behind him, but I could imagine him beaming at her knowing that they'd soon be together. They just needed to get through these last few meaningless formalities.

Until that hope, and her smile, fell with the next piece of evidence the prosecution entered into the records. "We have a signed statement from a janitor who says that Mr. Ivashkov arrived at the defendant's building at approximately 9:20."

"That's pretty specific," Mr. Mazur casually leaned against his desk, the complete opposite of Ms. Kane's unrelenting professionalism. "Do you have any desk staff to confirm that?"

"No," she replied coolly. "But this is enough. The janitor remembers because he was about to take his break. Miss Hathaway was alone when the murder took place." Her final words ran through my blood, chilling it. "She has no alibi."

"Well," he brushed off the comments as if they were nothing but a buzzing fly, "at least according to some questionable 'facts'."

"Next exhibit." The prosecutor moved immediately onto the next item of business, but her demeanor took on a whole new mood. She looked more than confident now. She looked ready for the kill. Reaching behind her desk, she pulled out a large plastic bag that held something recognizable to every guardian in the room: a stake. Well, two things: a stake and a significant amount of blood accompanying it. This was a stake that had been recently and fatally used.

"This is the stake used to kill the queen," declared Iris, and with a more sinister tone she looked towards Rose. "Miss Hathaway's stake."

While the crowd gasped, Mr. Mazur actually laughed. "Oh, come on. Guardians are issued stakes all the time. They have an enormous, identical supply."

He was ignored while Ms. Kane continued her questioning. "Where is your stake right now?"

She frowned, but her voice suggested that the answer should have been obvious. "In my room."

At Court, guardians weren't required to carry a stake at all times so long as they weren't on duty. I had typically kept my stake on me while I was here, at least back when I was a sanctioned guardian, but it was mostly because I had been visiting rather than a permanent resident. Now I wasn't allowed anywhere near one, not that I blamed the powers that be.

"Guardian Stone?" The prosecutor called out towards the crowd and a tall dhampir with a black mustache stood. I didn't recognize him.

"Yes?" He answered.

"You conducted the search of Miss Hathaway's room and belongings, correct?"

She yelled in outrage, almost rushing off the stand before Mikhail pushed her back onto the seat. "You searched my-"

Everyone else ignored her.

"Correct," Stone continued.

"And did you find any silver stakes?"

"No." He sat down when the prosecutor turned back towards the judge.

Mr. Mazur spoke before anything else could be said. "That proves nothing. She could have lost the stake without realizing it."

"Lost it in the queen's heart?"

"Miss Kane," warned the judge. The comment was out of line, but Mr. Mazur's argument was also completely invalid. Any decent guardian (and Rose was much more than  _a merely_  decent guardian) would never lose a stake, and she certainly wouldn't do so 'without realizing it' as he suggested. Still, if it happened to get her out this, I would happily play along with the idea.

"My apologies, Your Honor," the woman said smoothly before turning to Rose. "Miss Hathaway, is there anything special about your stake? Anything that would distinguish it from others?"

"Y-yes." I took a deep breath, both hearing and seeing the fear radiating from Rose. It felt like that moment right before a car crash. It was the moment before destruction where you knew what was about to happen but you were helpless to stop it.

"Can you describe it?" The prosecutor grinned. She already knew the answer.

So did I. I had seen this stake. I had held it myself. That stake was meant to kill me back in Russia. It  _should_ have killed me. I had felt that cold piece of metal press through my chest, piercing just shy of my heart. That one small misstep back then had kept me alive and I had taken advantage of it by using that same stake to taunt her for weeks while I plotted her death. Now, it seemed that someone else was doing the same - they were taunting her with it while they planned exactly how to walk Rose to the gallows

And they could very well succeed. If it was the same stake that was found in the Queen's heart...then Rose was done.

"It has a pattern etched near the top. A kind of geometric design."

Ms. Kane walked the bag past every Council member and the judge before stopping in front of Rose. "Is this your pattern? Your stake?"

Her face went blank. Cold. Dead. I could already hear her answer and I couldn't bear to watch her say it. I shut my eyes, hoping that it would somehow shield me from reality.

When she spoke, however, it seemed that reality had, indeed, been shifted on its axis. "It...it looks similar to the design on mine, but I can't say for sure if it's the exact same one."

I smiled, even through closed eyes.  _There's my sly girl._

"Of course you can't," the prosecutor seemed a little too calm with her answer. "But now that the Council has seen that the design matches her description and is almost like her stake, I would like to point out that testing has revealed that her fingerprints are on it."

"Any other fingerprints?" asked the judge.

"No, Your Honor. Just hers." She reveled in her victory.

"That means nothing," Mr. Mazur still held an unusually calm attitude as if none of this was of any consequence. I was incredibly stressed, certainly, but even Adams, who had hardly any investment at all in Rose or her wellbeing, still seemed more concerned with the evidence than Zmey. "Someone steals her stake and wears gloves. Her fingerprints would be on it because it's hers."

"That's getting kind of convoluted, don't you think?"

"The evidence is still full of holes," he protested. "That's what's convoluted. How could she have gotten into the queen's bedroom? How could she have gotten through the guards?"

"Well," Ms. Kane replied, nearly taunting him, "those would be questions best explored in trial, but considering Miss Hathaway's extensive record of breaking into and out of places, as well as the countless other disciplinary marks she has, I don't doubt she could have found any number of ways to get inside."

"You have no proof," he countered. "No theory."

"We don't need it. Not at this point. We have more than enough to go to trial, don't we? I mean, we haven't even gotten to the part where countless witnesses heard Miss Hathaway tell the queen she'd regret establishing the recent guardian law. I can find the transcript if you like-not to mention reports of other 'expressive' commentary Miss Hathaway made in public."

"Oh yes," Iris continued, only stopping to give a quick glance at just how uncomfortable Rose had grown, "We also have accounts of the queen declaring her extreme disapproval of Miss Hathaway's involvement with Adrian Ivashkov, particularly when the two ran off to elope."

_Elope?_

Rose opened her mouth but quickly closed it when Ms. Kane resumed her rant. "There are countless other records of Her Majesty and Miss Hathaway sparring in public. Would you like me to find those papers too, or are we able to vote on a trial now?"

"Can I say something?" Rose glanced up towards the judge, who only thought half a moment before shrugging.

"I see no reason not to. We're collecting all the evidence there is."

Apparently, Zmey and I were of the same mindset. Do. Not. Speak. I was held firmly in place, but he strode over quickly, shaking his head as strongly as he could while maintaining his aloof demeanor, but failed to reach her in time.

"Okay. You've put up a lot of suspicious stuff here. I can see that. But that's the thing. It's too suspicious. If I were going to murder someone, I wouldn't be that stupid."

_No. Stop._

"Do you think I'd leave my stake stuck in her chest? Do you think I wouldn't wear gloves? Come on. That's insulting. If I'm as crafty as you claim my record says I am, then why would I do it this way? I mean, seriously? If I did it, it'd be a lot better."

_Stop. Speaking. Now._

"You'd never even peg me as a suspect. This is all really kind of an insult to my intelligence."

It was almost physically painful. I could even feel Adams tense beside me.

"All this evidence you've got is so painfully obvious," She continued, despite all rhyme or reason. "Hell, whoever set this up might as well have painted an arrow straight to me - and someone did set me up, but you guys are too stupid to even consider that!"

Now she was dangerously close to yelling and losing her temper. Thankfully, she seemed to get back on track, if you could call this insane speech 'on track.'

"You want an easy answer. A quick answer. And you especially want someone with no connections, no powerful family to protect them...Because that's how it always is. That's how it was with that age law. No one was able to stand up for the dhampirs either because this goddamned system won't allow it." Her rant started to veer away again, and she knew it. I continued to mentally plead with her to just stop speaking before it was too late. "Um, anyway, Your Honor...what I'm trying to say is that this evidence shouldn't be enough to accuse me or send me to trial. I wouldn't plan a murder this badly."

And there it was:  _too fucking late._

"Thank you, Miss Hathaway," said the judge. "That was very...informative. You may take your seat now while the Council votes."

As Rose returned to the bench and sat down, I could see another argument being quietly held between her and her 'lawyer.' I didn't blame him at all this time. If I had been close enough, I would have had more than a few choice words for her myself.

The final, damning event began: the vote. The judge asked the Council whether or not they felt there was enough evidence to send Rose to trial, and without hesitation, all eleven hands went up. It wasn't a surprise to me at all. Even without my earlier belief in systematic corruption and the need to convict someone (as even Rose had pointed out in her misguided tirade), the evidence was overwhelming. I still didn't believe she had actually done it, but with what the Council was presented, it would be hard to believe in her innocence.

Rose's head fell, but only for a second before she turned to look back at those who had sat behind her through the entire hearing. She put on a happy facade as if she was trying to comfort them rather than the other way around. And then, for some unknown reason, she looked back further. She looked back against the far wall, almost into the shadows. She looked directly at me.

Her smiling face, that facade, slipped away. She didn't need to comfort me, and she knew it. Instead, there passed a certain honesty between us. I could read every true emotion she was feeling.

' _I didn't do this.'_

' _I don't know what's going to happen now.'_

' _I'm scared.'_

I only hoped that my face showed every honesty I had to give her too.

' _I know.'_

' _I'm sorry,'_

' _We'll figure this out, I promise.'_

' _I'm right here, Rose. I'm not giving up on you.'_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last big scene! I hope you enjoyed it. Don't worry, I have one more little treat for you next week before the story ends and we head into the holidays and our between-book break. Any guesses as to what it might be?
> 
> My question for the week is: What holiday traditions do you have? I know many of you celebrate Christmas (myself included) but there are several winter holidays so if you want to share what you do, I'd love to hear it.
> 
> Some of ours include setting up the Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving, LOTS of board games on Christmas day with friends, and the Muppets Christmas Carol.
> 
> Thanks again for reading. I'd love to hear your thoughts here and on the facebook page!


	19. Chapter 19

My good show of being "seen and not heard" at the hearing had apparently earned me the right to some visitors. I wasn't allowed out and about in the real world yet, but the small gathering in my living room was better than the total isolation I had been expecting. I was even allowed to meet with them semi-privately - at least with a little bit of 'charm' from Vasilisa. Perhaps Adrian might have helped her, but he was in no state to do so at the moment.

They, along with Christian, were all scattered around the room, but none of us really spoke to one another. I had offered the initial courtesy of water as they arrived, but that had been the last real conversation between any of us. Everything else had been said in random, confusing glances that left their messages lost in translation.

"So, does anyone know exactly why we're meeting?" Adrian spoke to the ground more than any one of us in particular. Ever since the hearing yesterday, he had retreated even more into himself. Or into his bottle. Everyone seemed to notice it, but nobody wanted to acknowledge his downward spiral.

"I'm…" Vasilisa looked between me and Christian before settling back on Adrian. "I'm not sure, really."

"Didn't you ask for all of us to meet?" I asked. Vasilisa had been the one to set this all up so I had assumed she had also set up our agenda. Or if nothing else, she had to know what was going on.

"No, I -"

Whatever she was going to say was interrupted by someone bursting through the door.

My defenses went up quickly, though I couldn't tell if the fear was more physical or psychological. Mr. Mazur had that sort of effect on me.

"Okay, so we need to move fast." Zmey dropped a stack of folders on the coffee table without greeting, and several documents slipped out and onto the table. He quickly pushed them back in, but not before I caught sight of drawings rather than lines of text. "The defense is pushing to have Rose's trial date moved up, and between their evidence and that foolish speech she made, they have more than enough to win."

A small squeaking sound came from Vasilisa.

"What does that mean for her if she's found guilty? Life in prison?" Christian rubbed Vasilisa's back comfortingly. I was grateful that he was fully back in her life again. I knew their estrangement had been a source of stress for Vasilisa, and between that, dealing with me, my conflict with Rose, and now this trial, finally having someone she could lean on, rather than being the one constantly offering support, was good for her.

"Unfortunately, no." He laughed, albeit humorlessly, but he laughed just the same.

"Her life is on the line. Do you think this is funny?" My eyes were fully focused on Mr. Mazur, but I could hear someone gasp slightly as the puzzle came together with my words: conviction meant death, not prison.

"I can assure you, Belikov, I don't find this funny in the slightest. Rosemarie's future is very important to me, and I intend to make sure she lives to see it."

"Why? Is she just another pawn in your game?" While Zmey wasn't Royal, he wielded power like one. Perhaps more so because he personally fought for every ounce of power and respect that he had, instead of resting on the back of his ancestral name. But I knew, more than most, that power came with a price. If he didn't want to personally pay it, he would call in favors or use fear to make others pay it for him. "Why do you care?"

He finally stopped arranging his belongings and stood to properly look at me. "Perhaps the better question is...why do you?"

The question seemed to hang in the air, as did my noticeable lack of answer.

I had been asking myself the same question over and over again. Why  _did_ I care? Or at least, why did I care so much?

After I was escorted home after the hearing, I was in shock for the first few hours. I started to realize that I had probably been in shock from the moment they had led her away from me in chains. I couldn't really remember a time between that first moment and the hearing when my mind wasn't completely consumed with thoughts of her and her wellbeing. It wasn't until after I had begun to come out of that shock, however, I started to question why. Why was I so consumed by her?

I would obviously never want any harm to come to Rose. I could easily admit that. Perhaps that alone could justify my worry for her and her current predicament. Rose, despite our disagreement and my inability to have any sort of real contact with her, was still someone I respected. Plus, I didn't have to love her to care for her enough to be concerned about her. I didn't have to be dedicated to her to be supportive.

But I had been willing to fight to the death for her. And not against Strigoi who were an obvious and well-recognized enemy. No, I had been ready to fight those who should have been considered our brethren. I had been ready to fight the 'good guys' to keep her safe, because her safety meant more to me than 'right' or 'wrong.' From an outside perspective, the Royal Guard were just in their cause to apprehend a likely suspect for a murder. The guardians were the 'right' in this situation and Rose was the 'wrong.' However, that hadn't mattered to me then. If I was completely honest, it didn't really matter to me now, either. There was a part of me that knew, no matter what, I would always side with Rose. Justice and the law be damned, I'd always side with her. That hinted at something more than just respect. It also hinted at something more than simple caring, too. That flew past the idea of loyalty and settled straight into the realm of devotion.

It was an idea that I was having a hard time coming to terms with considering I should be the last person devoting myself to her. My commitment was supposed to be keeping her safe -  _from me_.

But why shouldn't I also be willing to fight alongside her in battle? We both had been willing to fight together to fulfill our promise to Vasilisa - back when we both were guardians and then again with her as a guardian and me as a man of eternal gratitude. Perhaps Vasilisa was the whole reason I had been so concerned with her in the first place. Perhaps my devotion to Rose was simply an extension of my devotion to Vasilisa, considering Rose was one of the people she held most dear. Letting harm come to Rose would only hurt Vasilisa in the end. Right?

The idea was convoluted at best and a total and complete lie at worst. While Rose was very important to Vasilisa, and I knew I would be more than happy to protect Rose if it that was what was needed to make Vasilisa happy, I also knew that my promise to Vasilisa had nothing to do with why I had fought that day. I had fought because of Rose, not the princess.

Everyone kept trying to play it off as me reacting instinctively to a threat, too, which I knew was another lie. I had more than enough time to realize what was happening, but I had actively made the choice to fight with and for Rose. My obsessive worry over her afterward might not have been an active choice (looking back, that was more instinctual and natural than anything else) but the decision to put her life over others? I had made that choice with no regrets.

It was why I wouldn't add my testimony to those of others - including Adams, Hunter, and even Phillips - when they said I had acted impulsively. I knew I would make the same choice again if needed. I didn't incriminate myself by telling that to the officials who had questioned me about the incident, but I wouldn't lie, either. I just remained silent and let the confusion war within me.

I decided to take a similar path with Mr. Mazur. "My reasons are my own," I assured him.

"As are mine."

Another moment of tense silence passed before he turned back towards his paperwork, brushing off our interaction entirely.

"Now, we need to keep our circle as small as possible until we have more of an idea as to how we are going to get her out of this mess."

"Yeah?" Adrian moved back in his chair. The position didn't make him look relaxed insomuch as semi-stable. He seemed to lean heavily into the chair as if it was the only thing keeping him from falling onto the floor. "How do you suppose we do that?"

"Do you have any more information? Maybe some proof that she wasn't there?" Christian reached for one of the files, only to have his hand batted away. He pulled back quickly, rubbing the injury and looking at his girlfriend for sympathy. She didn't seem to notice the slight towards him at all.

"There has to be someone who can attest to seeing her at the time of the...incident." She glanced quickly towards Adrian but he didn't seem to hear her. Of if he did, he ignored her and any possible emotions those words could have caused. As much as I had hated the numbness that surrounded me on occasion, I was beginning to understand just how necessary it could be as a shelter in instances like this. He was coping, and right now that was enough.

"I was there," Adrian insisted. "I know I was. At least for most of the time. I just don't have any way to corroborate it."

"And I don't mean to offend, Adrian, but while your loyalty should be seen as split between Rose and your Aunt, given the circumstances, now that you have shown support for Rose it will taint any testimony you give."

"What if I can support his testimony? He was with me just before going to see her."

Vasilisa and Christian looked somewhat hopeful, but Mr. Mazur brushed me off quickly.

"Your testimony would be even less accepted, for several very obvious reasons." There was a certain venom in his voice as he spoke. Before I could question it or defend myself, he continued, "Besides, that's not exactly the route I was going for."

"Oh? And what defense are you thinking of using?"

He smiled at Vasilisa's question. "I'm beyond using legal defense. Rose's case isn't winnable that way. It's time to get her out."

"Out?" Christian almost seemed amused.

"Out," he repeated. He opened a thick manila file, pulled out a small blueprint of the jail, and handed it to Christian before offering me a highly detailed map of Court that included every key entry point, guardian post, standard patrol route, and more. He finally pulled out a small notice of the upcoming funeral for Queen Tatiana. "We need to plan fast. We don't have much time."

I stared at all the information in some form of awe, wondering just how this man had the power and means to even fathom, much less attempt, something like this. All of us could be tried for treason for just considering what he was suggesting. Yet, just as before, my sense of right and wrong flew out the window. Apparently, everyone else felt the same.

We poured over the various papers, sporadically watching the door to make sure that nobody caught us in our criminal act, and the thought kept flooding me.  _Why?_

"Why are you doing this for her?" I repeated my question to him. "Why does Rose matter to you so much?"

Like some light switch that had been flicked on, Vasilisa tilted her head as she came to a realization. "You don't know...do you?"

Christian suddenly stopped messing with the paperwork, his finger still tracing a line on a page. "Oh my god, he doesn't. Does he?"

"I'm h-"

Adrian cut off his words.

"Oh. Oh! Can I tell him? Please?" Adrian was practically bouncing in his seat, looking much more sober than he had earlier. Slowly, he had been growing more animated as new possibilities opened up before us, but this was probably the first time any of us had seen him really smile since the whole debacle started. The small celebration that this should have caused was quickly dampered when I realized that whatever happiness he was currently enjoying was going to come at my expense.

Mr. Mazur shrugged good-naturedly and waved him on.

He pumped his fist victoriously before squaring his shoulders off to take on a much more befitting, royal air. "Dimitri Belikov, meet Ibrahim Mazur - Rose's father."

Neither of us moved.

Neither of us offered our hands in greeting.

We both stood frozen on opposite sides of the room, with the rest of the group in the middle watching our uneven staring match.

"Good to see you again," he finally spoke, giving me a smirk that looked horrifyingly familiar, "...boy."

Only one thought kept circling my mind, over and over again, until it became the only response I could manage.

_...Fuck_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! We are done with Spirit Bound: Dimitri's Point of View. We are ONE STEP CLOSER to Last Sacrifice. I don't know about you, but I'm excited.
> 
> As I stated before, I will be going into a little hibernation for a few weeks. I'm going to be rereading everything to make sure we're ready to go into this final phase. Plus, I need some time to enjoy my family and the holidays. I'm planning to be back the first or second week of the new year. Don't fret though, there WILL be at least one little one-shot coming out around Christmas.
> 
> At the end of every book, I ask several questions and so I will make those the Questions of the Week:
> 
> 1) What were your favorite things about this book, and why?
> 
> 2) How could the book have been better?
> 
> 3) What am I doing right and how can I improve as an author.
> 
> Answering these questions (with specifics, if possible) really help me become stronger as an author. I want to do my best for your guys!
> 
> Either way, I appreciate you reading the story and every last person who has reviewed, fav'd, followed, and shared this story. I read every single review and I try to respond to most of them (Maybe a 90% success rate on that one lol) but it has been so nice to get to know all of you through this journey. Someone on the facebook page likened this to high school and we are about to go into our senior year. It's going to be amazing, maybe a little bittersweet towards the end, but amazing still the same.
> 
> Happy holidays and if you miss me during the break, come find me on facebook! Look for "AndreaAndersonWrites


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